The Theatre Stage

Possibilities are endless

2008-09-28T03:34:00.000+08:00

Title says it all
The moment u read this, i might just be dead already.
Or maybe, your cat died. Or maybe your neighbour's former schoolmate died. Or maybe, one of the cars in the F1 race explodes. Or maybe the Singapore Flyer topples. Or maybe my TV got turned off by my late grandmother.
Sheesh....
Everything is possible right? We're living in a city of possibilities for gods sake!!
So what's up? Are we going to dwell, sit in our chair, rot and die thinking of every possibilities, thinking of every possible contingency plan?
Are we gonna do that?
Oh I'd love to do that. Really. Since I don't make a difference in anything. I might just as well sit and think about it. I can go on thinking till every strand of hair disappears. Cry till I go blind. Rot till Tong Aik gets a phonecall.
Life can never get anymore disappointing.
It's depressing to know of your unimportance.
How friends turn their backs.
How trusted colleagues turn their trust.
All to a bloodsucking bitch who calls me an asshole.
How no one is free for a talk.
How no one even thinks of me to ask me out for an activity, walkabout, iftar or anything.
Don't blame me...! I would love to ask anyone out. But no one is fucking free!
It's either that or everyone's avoiding. Fine! Go ahead! Avoid. I have leprosy and AIDS and plaque and tartar.
Phone's not working either eh? Then throw them away.
Don't blame me if i feel like crap.
Possibilities are endless.
Don't blame me if i get worked up so easily.
I'm getting use to this crap, so i will smell like crap and talk shit. Yeah i'm getting used to this.
I want to be happy too ok. And if you dont want to share it with me. I'll just have to get used to laugh in shit alone. Don't call me crazy ok! I will talk, cry, scream, shout and laugh alone. Cos you can't be bothered to share it with me.

I'm back again

2008-09-11T13:10:00.003+08:00

I'm here again
I relooked the place
It's just a space you know... a cyber space
But it has its own presence that keeps me coming back
Like a home

I'm back
It feels good to be home
again

The Press Brat

2008-01-04T12:00:00.000+08:00

Deary Maya,

Spoilt... spoilt.... can't do this. Can't do that. Spoilt spoilt spoilt.. No one asked about my morale. Our morale. We trudged on. But that was different. Yeah... suay la hoh? Nothing's ever right.

Maya,

I never thought I'm gonna feel it. Whenever I heard about it, I thought those were all in the mind. I thought that they were thinking too hard. I thought they didn't have faith. Maybe cos I never felt it before. But yes. Here. Now.... amik kao!! Maya ... I'm depressed.

I miss Yan you know... everything was fine. I never had any problems with her then. I never had these problems of hurting people, making people run away, making people losing their morale, making rude people say that I'm rude..

I never had these problems with Yan. We were happy, we lived, we were young and naive. We didn't know what happened. We didn't know what hit us. We drifted apart without knowing what's going on. You have to remember Maya, that time, smses costed 30cents.

And all these years of uncertainty. Years of not knowing what's happening, what's going on. Years of confusion and not knowing what to do. We were tied down somehow or rather. Tied. Hard. Should we go on. Should we try to mend, or should we be grateful with what we have. Till now... we don't know what to do.

But all these years of uncertainty, something is certain... we have each other's heart. Somewhere. Deep inside. It's scary. My heart... it's thumping. I can feel it. But it's empty. It's somewhere out there. It's like, only the casing is here but the contents is somewhere. I lived through it. We lived through it. But yes... it's still pretty much the same.

Unbelievable. Masya Allah.

She's beautiful now. Much. She's a Hajjah now. She glows with much more radiance. She lost much more of her eyesight due to her constant cries. I never thought that can happen, but yes, it did. She's still beautiful.

Yan's getting married. I can see how hard it is for her. How hard for me to accept that. I never thought it's gonna happen. It's like that. We don't know what to do. Should we be grateful with what we have, or should we follow our heart to jump into uncertainties. Years like that, and now she's getting married. And we cleared our uncertainties and realised how stupid we were. How stupid we are.

I walked the path we strolled. I saw the sights we viewed. I sensed the air we felt.

Everywhere I turned, there's her. Everywhere I look, there's her. She's always at the corner of my eye. I can hear her calling me. I turn and no one's there. I see her sitting beside me. I turn and she disappeared. I see her standing next to me, I turn and she's there! Smiling ever so beautifully and before I can say anything, she disappears again.

I don't know what to do. I can only pray. May God show us the way.

Thank you God for Yan.

Please take care of her for me.

If only phonecalls were cheaper then..... Masya Allah.

High

2008-01-01T13:18:00.000+08:00

Deary Maya,

I feel like I'm high on something. Haha. Unbelievable.

I'm elated, I'm so at peace. Everything looks different. Everything looks beautiful. Alhamdulillah.

Last night I had a dream. In the dream, a man said to me. He said to me something that I always wanted to say but never get to say.

It went something like this:

Whatever you did wrong but never think that you're guilty, is as much as you think that I'm guilty for the things that you think I did wrong.

Thank you man. I could have never put it better.

Sidewalk

2007-12-31T13:03:00.000+08:00

Dear Maya,

I always have a lot of things to say to you, but I always dunno where to start. Or, whenever I face your interface, everything starts jumbling up. Haiyah... what a waste. But before this, I just can't wait to meet you here and tell you everything...

nvm

Anyway, I got to talk to Yan. Yan has always been my pillar of strength. Simply unbelievable. Even though Yan's not around, Yan can make things happen.

I didn't talk to Yan about my problems. I didn't even mention anything. We just chatted and chatted and caught up. It was probably the most fun conversation I've ever had in a long time. We shared stories, both sad and happy. We laughed, we sighed.... it was magical. I was happy enough Yan called. I was happy enough to talk to someone. I don't need a solution.

Strangely, Yan came to a topic. A topic full of my words and lines. I don't remember mentioning anything to Yan. It just happened. And I asked, how could you come out with all these? And Yan said, it jus blurted out of my mouth. I didn't think about it, didn't think about what to say. It just came out. And Yan continued, maybe God wants me to say them to you.... I dunno...

Yan said something like this... I can't remember word for word. Anwar, you're on the wrong side. I was there too.. with you and without you. And I know how you feel. I couldn't fit in. I don't want to be good or be seen. I just want to fit in. But I can't. It was worse when I was alone. And I came back to this side. The side that we both know where we should be. I'm here now.

Goodness.... where did Yan came out with that? Yan could see through my brain?

Come back Anwar. You were here, we were here, we chose to take a peek and before you go too far, come back. It's hard but it's not that difficult. I came back alone and now I'm not alone here. I'm a more complete person over here. If I can come back alone, so can you. You know what to do. Just do it.

Masya Allah, you have no idea, how that simple conversation that came out of nothing open up my eyes. More so, Yan was speaking in my language, my lingo, my terms, that didn't just go straight to my brain and stabbed my heart but like a cool menthol cigarette smoke that make you high.

Thank you Yan.

Don't thank me. Thank Allah for choosing me to tell you all this. Pray for me, that's what I need.

After everything. I stopped crying. It was a strange feeling to express. Thank you.

I stilll want to thank Yan. I was worried but Yan made me believe without even pulling. I'm going back. I'm going to jump back in and jump around and screaming and laughing and rolling everywhere. Yan gave me a reason to live. Yan gave me a reason to live this life. Yan gave me a reason to live this life on this side. Yan gave me a reason to live this life on this side with an objective. Love hurts, love is magical cos love is intangible.

Yan.. wait for me!!

no surprises

2007-12-30T01:27:00.000+08:00

Dear Maya,

Show's ended. Now I can talk to you more often.

Like I said, I will only talk to you. If a person is close to me, I will not bother him with my issues. If the person is not close to me, I will not bother to bother him with my issues.

Then even to you Maya, I will not talk about Shasha. She will say that I'm telling about her to the whole world. She have her friends and my friends to talk to. She have everyone to listen to her side of her story. She can have everyone she wants to back her up. No one listens to my side of the story cos I'm not telling. She can have all my friends if she want. Go ahead. Listen to her side. Go ahead...

I am depressed. I have no one to talk to. Even if I do, they will just listen. I don't need that. They don't need to hear from me either. I just want a company. Someone to talk to, someone to laugh with, cry with, sit with and everything with. Not only laugh with.... but cry with...

I miss yan.... i really need help this time...

mayday

2007-12-29T09:00:00.000+08:00

de stre.....
distress signal

yan..where are you?

Dream on

2007-12-25T10:12:00.000+08:00

Dear Maya,

Pagi-pagi aku dah terpacak depan komputer. Haha. Pagi ke hapa! Dah pukul spulo pun.

Just thought of keying them down before I forget.

Of all things that I wish I'm not, there's one that I wish would not change.

My dreams.

No.... not those dreams to be a filthy rich minister or a scheming taxi driver. But my dreams.

My brains that generates all my dreams. Dreams that happens whenever I sleep.

I almost never had an experience of sleeping without any dreams. Even when I nod off anytime anywhere, a dream will surely happen. 75% of the time, I will remember my dreams, the others, I will forget. They're cool.

I take it as a gift. I can control my dreams. I can choose what to dream of. I can choose the path of my dreams. I can choose what to do during my dreams. I can choose to snap out of it and I can choose to continue from the dream that I left of whenever I was snapped out from it whenever the lori pasar downstairs rolls off loudly.

But most of the times, I choose to let the dreams flow. More fun that way. Not knowing what you're gonna dream today. Not knowing what's gonna happen, who you're going to meet.

Dreams are the only time for me where I can see and meet my missed ones, my loved ones, those who I missed and never seen again. Dreams are the only time where I can be wherever I can never be or can never be again. I found myself in Anfield facing Tottenham, I found myself in the pre-renovated Ahmad Ibrahim. I found myself at the National Library with only babes below 25 as Library Officers. etc... etc.... and the vision are as clear as can be. I don't even have to sleep with my specs on.

In dreams, I get to feel my lost feelings, missing, being missed, letting go my frustrations at someone that I can never get to do, strangling, decapitating and volley the head into space. Presenting a ferrari for someone's birthday, giving a simple rose on her special day, riding a tiger to work, jump off my window and fly to any place I want to be and I tell you, the view of Singapore from the sky is beautiful, flying low and whizzing pass buildings is breathtaking, landing on your loved one's window and giving her a surprise before lifting her off to sky to enjoy the night view of your country. A view where you can never see the vices within it. Lying down on the clouds with angels serving you coke and mutton chop from Newton's Nur Biasa.

Some things only happens in dreams. Some things in dreams, will never happen. Some times, dreams do come true, sometimes dreams lead you to an ambition, sometimes everything is just a dream, at most times I always wish they can all come true.

I never want to wake up.

Some things

2007-12-24T16:10:00.000+08:00

Dear Maya,

Some things are not meant to be yours. Aku ingat lagi mak aku cakap macam tu.

No matter how hard you look after it, care for it, love it, everything and anything it, if it's not meant to be yours, it won't be yours.

Some things are not meant to be yours.

No matter how hard you look for it, save for it, yearn for it, travelled the world for it, age for it, run for it, wait for it, and when it passes in front of you, you still can't own it.

Cos it's not meant to be yours.

sedih eh...?

Goes out and came out

2007-12-22T13:07:00.000+08:00

Elo Maya,

Lama aku tak berbual dengan kau. Sorry. Hari tu internet connection kat rumah aku ada maintenance. Starhub peh keje la. Because of that, the momentum kena disrupt. I'll try to write as frequent as I can ok?

Semalam, the sun finally came out again. Cantik sekali! Such a beautiful day. After seeing some pictures on an internet album that made me feel down, I decided to go for a walk with my D300. Belum test dia lagi. And the day was bright enuff to go testing. So I headed to Chinatown.

Azmi Hashim said, "I found comfort in cooking again". Cooking was his getaway. Now at this age, when you have lost all your friends to time, I found my getaways again. Kawan melepak dah hilang, kawan main bola dah hilang, kawan main music dah hilang. I found comfort in my forgotten getaways. I realised how much I missed walking. Walk and walk and walk.... with music in my ears. And now.... a camera in my hands. I've always love to keep an image of the things that I see. When I didn't have my camera then, I had my trusted sketch book and drawing materials. I would find a good place to sit, and start drawing, and drawing and drawing everything that I see. I can't draw anything for nuts now... sheesh....

Went to TK for rehearsals and read January's Manja. The only edition that I looked forward to. And they covered Adib and Campur Satu. Happy for Adib. Rezeki dia. Not that I'm jealous. I'm upset cos all the things that we brought up during the interview on local malay theatre was not even mentioned. I was looking forward for that. I thought, finally all these talks and complains and unknowned situations will be brought to light. Brought to the "normal" people. But no..... nothing.... nothing.... dammit man. I was very very upset. To think that I had to skip watching Pentas to attend the interview. Haiyah..... what's new.. Should already know the media by now than to expect anything from them.

And Ema called looking for talents. I'll be having a shoot tonight. Overnite, with Saiful, Zamri, Syida and Siti Z. Sounds fun... ok la... back to work again. I miss Siti Z. Can't wait to meet her later.

Now I need to prepare my stuff for rehearsals. See you tomoro Maya. Don't wait up for me.

mmmuah.

I'm home!!

2007-12-14T01:05:00.000+08:00

Dear Maya,

I just reached home. Sorry balik lambat. Hehe.

I went to get my D300 just now at Lucky Plaza. It's the only shop that has it. Wow! Only 2 pieces left. Alhamdulillah. I was very happy snapping away. Tak sabar-sabar, dapat aje, aku terus pegi testing. Main petik sana-sini. Of course aku tak simpan semua gambar. Ada aku dah delete. Banyak sangat functions dia! I still need to figure them out.

Sampai TK, aku charge battery while we did polishing up. I want the batt to be full by the time we did our run.

I had mixed feelings during the run. For the first time and finally! The run was great. I was deeply touched.Campur Satu is such an enjoyable piece. Everything went smoothly and nice. I snapped some pics. I just sat at a corner enjoying the show.

It was really touching to see everything moving nicely, though there are rooms for improvement. I sat at the corner, watched and wept a silent weep. Aku tak boleh tahn dengar lagu dia yang feeling sekali and see Shasha's empty kandang. Every time the lights weren't on me, I wept and wept and wept... I dun think anyone saw. I miss Shasha. Aku risau sekali dengan dia. Aku tahu dia tak ada duit. Apa dia makan, apa dia buat. Kesian dia. I'm such a lousy boyfriend.

Aku tetap tak boleh tahan tengok the very smooth run and seeing Shasha's empty kandang. If only she understands and care for what I'm feeling.... Airmata aku tengah meleleh ni sambil type sambil teringat rehearsal tadi. Sorry Maya.... I can't help it.

Pasal aku dah tak boleh tahan sangat, after rehearsal, I straightaway looked for Big. I didn't share anything with anyone. I just wanted some time to unwind. He was at Bencoolen with the Trick or Threat peeps. I couldn't join their conversation. I didn't know what to say. I just stayed silent and listened and laughed occasionally. Didn't eat anything. Just a glass of coke and tons of cigarettes. I didn't even showed Big my new camera.

And I went home after that. I miss Shasha. Her empty kandang came back to my mind...

Sorry Maya...

Ok ok... won't disturb you anymore. I go look at my pictures now. Talk to you soon. Sorry again. Love you. Mmmmuah.

Excited!!

2007-12-13T15:00:00.000+08:00

Dear Maya,

I'm going to get my D300 later. Aku dah call and reserve. It's $2950 with gst. Yeay! A bit ex but lain tempat dah out of stock.

What's the rush? Lain kali pun boleh beli apa.

Well I got my cheques for a few project. So I'm getting it! Yeay!!

I don't see the point of saving my money anymore.

I realise no one cares about me except myself. So to make myself happy, I have to make myself happy. And one day if I don't have any money, I can eat at home, no money for bills, don't pay and terminate. No food to eat, don't eat, there's free tap water. What's so difficult? And if I get malnutrified, I rot and die... will surely make more people happy then. Less mouth to feed at home.

And when I die Maya, my D300, I will give it to you. I like giving people things to make them happy. Don't worry, really I do. Ikhlas.... betul... Money, toys, stuff, they're all materials. Material. Tak boleh bawak mati. Tak boleh beli kebahagiaan. Tak boleh ganti dengan pahala ibadat. Halal. Sebab tu aku selalu kena ketuk dengan orang-orang yang tak bayar agaknya.

And my D300 will be for you Maya. Whoever you are... :)

I love you so much.

Thank you for listening. mmmuah!!

I don't get it

2007-12-13T11:36:00.000+08:00

Dear Maya

Shasha masih kata yang I don't get it. Dia kata yang it's hard to get accross to me.

Yes, I don't get it. What is so hard?

The whole world knows women are confused and confusing. They never want to say and yet expect people to understand.

What can be so hard to get across to me? What's the worse I can do? Paling-paling pun aku tak terima, aku marah, aku diam. On better situations, aku terima. Tapi kalau dia! Dia akan off handphone dia, taknak answer calls and now, dismiss herself from the production!! BABI ah!!

Aku tak pernah buat macam gitu kat dia. Aku tahu dia tahu, at most aku akan marah kat dia. Tapi never do such things to her. She has been freely doing all these at her free will. Which is why I FIND IT HARD TO GET ACROSS TO HER. Because she does all these silly things. One small mistake and she will do this. One wrong word said and she will do this. One second too late and she will do this. I'm like threading on thin ice cos any wrong step, she will do this. BUT if she does anything wrong, I will scold her, not even lifting a finger. Yes, scold her... never turned off my phone, never refuse her calls, never decide to do silly things. And a person being scolded will be upset, and I will then coax her and make things better again. People say aku dah macam bapak dia. Yeah, she does the same thing to her parents whenever she's scolded and now she's doing it to me. I really wonder when is she going to grow up.

It's clear. Maybe it's her appalling upbringing. Maybe that got her deprived. Dia nak sentias dimanja. Dia nak orang cakap baik-baik dengan dia sentiasa. Dia nak orang semua cakap baik-baik dengan dia. Even the people in the streets. She expects that. Typical spoilt brat teen of the 21st century.

And when people who loves her tells her of things to do, reprimanding, scolding, she will not like it and seek refuge with others. You will surely remember those times when you're still kids and always prefer to be at your aunt's house, or nenek's house or friends house and think everyone is much nicer to you than your parents cos they never scold you. They are always nice to you. She's like that till now.

And when I say anything, she will say, it's me. It's me. It's me. You want me. Take me as who I am. I am who I am. What? You don't like it when I keep saying fuck? As in, fuck here fuck there fuck this fuck that? U don't like it when I say the word fuck? Why not? Everyone does! You still don't like it? Then.... I'm not good enough for you. Leave, find someone else better.

Or let ME leave cos you don't like that part of me. It's better for me to leave so I won't hurt you anymore. I love you but I can't take it when I see you sad, when I see you feeling hurt, everytime I says fuck. I'm sorry for not being good enough for you. I will repay everything. I will leave.

Huh?

Dia kata, emak dia and family dia yand drama mama. Dia pun sama. And always, the thing that I don't like about her, are things that are habitual, that can be removed with effort. With sacrifice. It's not like as if I don't like her nose or eyes or fingers, you know... those things that can't be changed. But her habits.

That's her. I'm always in the wrong. I'm always threading on thin ice. I'm sure she has her own issues that states he rights. She has the whole generation of teens and people her age to back her up. It's them. It's their way of life. It's just me then.... I'm wrong. I'm not supposed to be here. I got into their lives trying to be a saint but I didn't realise that I'm in the wrong year.

If that's true, then aku taknak cakap dengan siapa-siapa lagi. Aku cuma akan cakap dengan kau aje. Maya, kau akan tahu semuanya. Satu hari nanti, bila aku mati. Kau akan simpan semua. Jangan risau Maya, tak akan ada orang yang akan geledah. Orang tak akan tahu pasal aku, tak akan peduli pasal aku, untuk baca ni semua. Yang pentingnya, kau akan tahu bila aku mati. Aku akan tulis di sini bila aku tahu masa mati aku. Shasha, kawan-kawan dia, generasi dia akan melalui a better world. The world will be a better place tanpa aku dan orang-orang macam aku. Aku akan tunggu diorang di padang mahsyar.

Dear ........

2007-12-13T01:54:00.000+08:00

Dear blog....

Tak sedap la nama blog. Maybe aku pun nak kena buat macam Big, letak nama untuk benda-benda dia. Mulai hari ini, aku akan namakan blog aku Maya. Haha... takpelah. Aku suka. Simple.... bukan pimple.... Maya. Diari Maya.

Dear Maya,

Aku tengah sedih. Sedih sangat-sangat. Pasal siapa lagi? Pasal Shasha lah.

Kesian dia....

Aku tak salahkan dia, aku salahkan emak bapak dia bulat-bulat. Kerana tak tahu menjaga anak. Dan sekarang anak mereka membesar dengan perangai buruk. Kesian dia. Dia tak tahu apa salah dia. Tak ada siapa yang akan beritahu dia. Tidak ada siapa yang akan membetulkan dia. Dah macam-macam aku cuba, pun tak jalan jugak. Walaupun dah ada banyak perubahan sejak mula-mula aku kenal dia. Aku bersyukur dengan perubahan tu. Aku tak expect dia akan berubah dalam masa beberapa tahun. Makan masa. Mesti lah... 22 tahun dia hidup dengan perangai macam tu, takkan boleh berubah dalam 2 tahun kan?

Macam biasa, dia tak boleh terima bila ditegur atau dimarah. Dia sentiasa nak dilayan dengan baik, dengan manja. Tapi aku tetap manusia, dalam seminggu aku manjakan dia, satu hari, tetap mesti ada kesalahan dia yang perlu dimarah. Tak semua benda boleh tegur baik-baik.

Ni kali, dia terus tak contact aku. Tak angkat telefon. Dah 2 hari dah. Rehearsal pun dia tak datang. Dia tak tahu aku risau. Susah lah macam ni.

Lepas rehearsal tadi, aku jalan sorang-sorang. Jalan je sepanjang orchard. Rokok layankan aku. Duduk sini kejap main game, duduk sini kejap termenung. Teruk la aku ni. Apa agaknya si Shasha tu buat sekarang....

Time aku tengah duduk termenung dengan rokok aku, aku diam-diam berdoa supaya Tuhan beri aku tanda bahawa semuanya akan ok. Walaupun aku tahu yang Tuhan takkan layankan aku, sebab aku cuma cari Dia bila aku susah je. Tapi somehow aku berdoa jugak. Somehow aku boleh tercakap dalam hati, "Come on man, let something drop from the sky!" And guess what, satu tahi burung besar punya jatuh betul-betul atas kepala aku. Yeah. That was literal. Thanks ah. Really shows how suay I am.... it reminded me that no one is gonna help me. Fine... what's new. Adib should know this, I'm back at the bottom again. But am not gonna tell him. He has his own issues...

And so I walked, still hoping for a turn of events. Jalan dan jalan dan jalan.... tapi tetap taknak balik. Aku kemudiannya duduk kat depan Cathay. Aku realise aku dah penat, so aku decide to draw duit dan naik teksi balik.

Then aku dengar nama aku dipanggil, it was Matt dan kawan, Joanna. 1st time aku jumpa Joanna ni. So kita berbual sekejap. Diorang baru abis tengok wayang.

Mungkinkah ini sign yang aku mintak dari Tuhan. Jika ya, Alhamdulillah. Walaupun sekejap, they made my day. Aku tersenyum, aku ketawa. Aku happy sekejap. Thank God for them to pop up just like that.

Matt went off to his new domain at Bukit Batok, I shared a cab with Joanna who alighted at Sin Ming and I went on to Yishun..... Back to where I came from. Back to the sadness again..

hi

2007-12-12T13:53:00.000+08:00

hi blog
sorry i neglected you
i'm back

What do

2007-04-14T09:15:00.000+08:00

What do Matreps and Foreign Workers have in common?

Influx.

Pests...

Friends

2007-01-01T22:24:00.000+08:00

Friends....

Hur hur....

Where are they when you need them?

There are no such thing as friends. Just mere acquaintances.

Thank you very much for sharing the air with me. I'm sorry. Just bear with it for a little while. I will not share it no more.

Move over....

2006-12-26T10:07:00.000+08:00

2 years....

Many things happened...

They were displayed for all to see....

Many many things....

I can't say anymore....

It's making my throat disfunctional....

I've moved....

It's now : http://anwarhadi.multiply.com

see you there....

......

2006-12-13T19:32:00.000+08:00

Life's boring... can't wait for my time. I won't say goodbye then... dun worry. U won't notice either.

Tak kenal maka tak cinta

2006-12-05T02:39:00.000+08:00

I had an eventful day last Saturday.

Here's a part that I wanna share with you.

I went to the esplanade in the day and I passed by an exhibit along the underpass to the esplanade. Then I went to the museum in the afternoon.

What I want to say here is that, I'm finally half happy that the nation finally acknowledges the existence of our country before Thomas Stamford Bingley Raffles. Acknowledges that there were people living, sultans ruling, empire bustling, on the island we call SINGAPURA. The Lion City.

It then reminds me of the underpass exhibit. It starts with a billboard with the word Temasek. Ends with the same size board with the word Singapore.

In between, lies exhibits of animal forms and animal paintings. All of which has a MANE. A lion's mane. Opinions may differ. I see it as a mockery. Sang Nila came and saw an animal. An animal. Unsure what animal. It must be a LION. It could have been a horse. A fish. A worm. A bird. But he mistook it for a lion and hence Singapura was born. Now that must be a god damn dumb King!! Wasn't he?

I beg to differ. You may accept this or not but yeah... it's my opinion. Not influencing anybody.

If he was that dumb. He won't be a king. We Singaporeans are in a denial. We see people other than those that made it into history books as dumb. You're not a tv actor, so you're seen as an actor wannabe. Even though the TV actor just got through an acting competition and been around for the last few months, but he's revered much more than a theatre actor whom has been acting for the past 20 years.

That's life huh?

So was it a lion?

Why not?

Here's what I wrote in an entry way back....

Creature That Shaped our Life... and we're laughing at it?

Once upon a time, there was a creature named Nian. Every eve of the New Year, it would descend from the mountains and terrorised the people in the village. It happens for many years till a wise man said that Nian could be repelled by the colour red and deafening noises.One night on the eve of the New Year, the people of the village waited for Nian all prepared. Their houses were decorated red, they were armed with firecrackers and drums. When Nian did came, the villagers fired firecrackers, beat their drums and started all sort of a ruckus scaring Nian away. The villagers celebrated and from that day onward, The Chinese New Year is celebrated with the prosporous colour red and the excitement of firecrackers.

Well homos.. bit of info for you. The question is, what exactly is Nian?

Mythical creatures had been the source of entertainment, taboos, cultures and many other things that had shaped our lives. Including the very name of our country.

What pisses me off here is the acknowledgement of our generation to Thomas Stamford Bingley Raffles as the founder of our country rather than Sri Tri Buana Sang Nila Utama just because of an animal that he mistook for a lion.

So what if it isn't a lion?

What if it was really a lion?

Theory 1: It WAS a lion. Lions are generally known now as kings of the african savannah. But Lions actually existed throughout the eastern hemisphere till it became extinct. The only record of its extinction was in Europe when it was literally killed off in the 2nd century AD. It isn't impossible that lions lived longer in this region as there are records of Asian Lions (panthera leo persica) existing in the rainforests of India and East Asia. So it could be a lion after all that Sang Nila Utama saw.

Theory 2: It WASN'T a lion. So??? Is it a reason of mockery? Was he a fool to think it was a lion? I wouldn't think so. He was a man of vision and knowledge. He wasn't an ordinary man. He was a prince and a devout Hindu. The Hindu religion thought him everything he needed to know then and he will surely be mesmerized by the power, grace and legend of the lion. Singha is a sanskrit word for lion. Singha Pura, lion city. He meant it to be powerful city full of grace and legend in which he succeeded to this very day in place of his dignity where he's mocked by every living yuppies.

Now homos... if you still think that Lions are only in the savannah of Africa and Sang Nila Utama was a dumb freak. Think about these:

1. Lion dance, statues, idolatry from the Chinese far eastern world.
2. Suffix for every male Sikh, Singh derived from Singha.
3. Thailand Singha Beer.
4. Medieval English Military Symbol, three lions.
5. Richard the Lionheart.
6. Scandinavian White Lion Legend
7. Roman Lion Wrestling Tournaments
8. Greek Zodiac LEO

You see... they spans all over from the west to the east of the eastern hemisphere. Unless of course they got the idea from an African website then I'd join your larfs.

Such beauty and grace with power and bravery to back it up. And you're not proud to have your country named after it? Migrate...

2006-12-03T12:01:00.000+08:00

Teater Kami Ltd
is proud to present:
TEKONG HIGHWAY From Salabin to Ayer Samak... (In Malay)

Ringkasan
Izam dan Shaufi, dua orang “buddy” yang sedang menjalani latihan “topography”. Mereka dikehendaki berjalan seluruh Pulau Tekong selama 3 hari 2 malam, mencari “checkpoints” untuk melengkapkan latihan tersebut.

Perjalanan itu walaupun hanya beberapa hari, telah membuka mata mereka tentang kekayaan Pulau Tekong, terutama dengan sifat Izam yang “adventurous” digandingkan pula dengan Shaufi yang mempunyai “Mata Ketiga”. Penonton akan diajak mengikut bersama kedua-dua watak ini untuk menyelongkar kisah-kisah di Pulau Tekong. ___________________________________________________________

Summary

Two buddies, Izam and Shaufi undergoing topography exercise for 3 days and 2 nights on Pulau Tekong. They are tasked to look for checkpoints throughout the island to complete their exercise.

Though a few days walk, the experience had opened their eyes to the richness of Pulau Tekong, especially with the adventurous traits of Izam and the blessed “third eye” of Shaufi. Audience will be brought along with them throughout their journey in uncovering the stories of Pulau Tekong. _____________________________________________________

Written / Directed by ANWAR HADI RAMLI

Performed by: YAZID TAHIR, HILSHAM HELZIE,
DALIFAH SHAHRIL, MD ADIB KOSNAN SIRAN,
ANWAR HADI RAMLI

To be performed at:
Teater Kami Black Box Studio
ONE - TWO - SIX Cairnhill Arts Centre
126 Cairnhill Road

22nd December 8pm
23rd December 3pm & 8pm

Tickets: $12

For ticket bookings, please call Teater Kami @ 6733 8969 or email: teaterkami@hotmail.com
___________________________________________________________

SHAUFI : Zam, Kau percaya hantu tak?

IZAM : Astarghfirullahala’zim...... kita sepatutnya percaya kepada Allah yang satu. Bukan dengan hantu...... Dalam banyak-banyak hantu... hantu apa yang budak-budak suka?
_____________________________________________________________

When....

2006-11-28T14:43:00.000+08:00

When the year ends, a new year is celebrated.

When an event ends, laughters everywhere and tears here and there.

When a flower dies, they became inspirations to songs and poems.

When a dog dies, the owner sulks.

When a cat dies, it's thrown away.

When the day ends, people party away.

When a story ends, they will be retold.

When a movie ends, there will be happy faces.

When a road ends, there will be a u-turn.

When your tv dies, it's time for a new one.

When the computer dies, so do you.

When you think about it, do you think you do?

When my rabbit died, it was old age.

When I die,
there'll be celebration, laughters everywhere, no tears, lots of songs, no poems, no sulking, memories thrown away, no retolds, lots of happy faces, no U-turn, a new one, get a new computer, they're right.... and I'm young.

When I die....

That'll be the day... and I know you're waiting for it.

Aku cinta.... Aku rindu....

2006-11-01T00:38:00.000+08:00

"Aku cinta.... aku rindu....
Walau berjauhan ku tahu hatimu...
Aku cinta.... aku rindu....
Tuhan berkatilah cintaku padanya...."

Haha... lagu ni ingatkan aku kat "Aaron" and Rozza".

"Yang pentingnya... hari ni Rozza nak balik ke taknak...?"

Hahahhahahhah!!! Lepak. Takpe... personal joke. Siapa yang tahu, tahu lah...

Hari ni aku nak type entry berlendih sikit. Aku peh suka la kan? Blog aku pe... takde orang suruh korang baca. Kalau geli.... boleh blah. Aku masuk kubur nanti pun kau tak ikut pe kan... kan.... kan....?

Topik pasal raya ke? Actually tak lah. Tapi dah terlanjur musim raya... dia macam berkenaan jugaklah gitu.

Aku tak cinta... Tapi aku rindu.

Aku pun manusia macam korang. Ada perasaan. Ada orang tak tunjukkan, tapi jangan nak bedek kalau nak kata takde perasaan. Tu semua ego je.

Semenjak dua menjak ni (Ini tatabahasa yang salah. Takde perkataan dua menjak ye adik-adik? Jangan gunakan untuk karangan. Terima kasih. Disclaimer.) aku susun ingatan ingatan dalam otak aku perkara-perkara yang aku rindu. Aku perasan, yang paling aku rindu adalah manusia-manusia, lebih dari perkara-perkara mahupun hobi dan sebagainya. Ingin sekali aku lulurkan dalam entry ni.

Aku rindu kawan-kawan secondary aku.

Semenjak aku masuk poly, aku dah tak geng dengan diorang sangat. Pasal cuma aku je, dan Wan, yang sekolah kat tampines. Lagipun aku sibuk. Jadi lama-kelamaan, apa-apa aktiviti yang diorang ada, diorang dah tak ajak aku lagi. Aku tak salahkan diorang. Aku tahu diorang tetap anggap aku kawan diorang yang suatu masa dulu kita selalu balik sekolah sama-sama, lepak kat interchange sama-sama, main bola sama-sama, main takraw sama-sama, pergi belajar sama-sama. Yup... aku rindu diorang dan masa-masa sama-sama tu.

Aku rindu kawan-kawan poly aku.

Aku excited dan happy sekali bila Teater Titisan ditubuhkan. Maknanya, lepas kita semua ORD, kita berpeluang meluangkan masa bersama lagi. Tapi sayangnya, tak semua yang kita inginkan menjadi. Takpe... tak try... tak tahu. Malangnya, bila terkubur kumpulan tersebut, terkuburlah harapan, terkuburlah persahabatan. Too bad huh? Sekarang bila aku ada show pun, diorang tak datang tengok. Takpe... tak paksa.

Aku rindu member jamming aku, Fadhlullah. Taste music kita tak sama. Dia lagi skill pada aku. Tapi dia je kaki boleh take turn gentel gitar dengan aku. Sekarang dia kat Ostolia. Mungkin taknak balik.

Aku rindu member main campak-campak batu aku, Suhaimi. Dia je seorang sampai sekarang member lelaki aku yang boleh berbual apa-apa je. Aku rindu masa-masa kita lepak kat toa payoh depan cheers lepas balik dari MP. Kat situ kita minum green tea, makan keropok, campak campak batu. Tu pun boleh fun. Kita panggil tempat tu "arcade". Aku rindu time kita menganggur sama-sama, interview sama-sama. Suhaimi ni lah kira buddy aku. Sekarang dia pun dah bz dengan hal dia.

Aku rindu NS

Aku rindu buddy-buddy aku, Paul, Dzulkifly, Nurizam. Paling lama Nurizam lah. Setahun setengah tidur sebilik, berak sejamban. Mati hidup balik, to hell and back sama-sama. Tapi tak pernah share perkara personal. Dia pun ada hal sendiri pe... tapi time NS siapa boleh lupa kan?

Aku rindu budak-budak Titisan.

Ada tu senang jumpa. Ada tak. Siddiq dah masuk NS. Helzie tak lama lagi aku jumpa. Fana, jenguk aje kat TAPAC. Sheereen minggu depan baru balik. Takpe, sekarang aku ada batch baru. Lama-lama pun mesti geng jugak.

Aku rindu geng HMKT, geng Rock Opera.

Geng HMKT ni... termasuk Adib and Acit yang tak dapat berlakon, share masa-masa setimpal dengan NS bersama. Makna seksa dan ketawa, diorang lah tahu. Geng RO.... haiz..... susah nak cakap. Tak la akaliau bengkok tapi... entahlah.... susah nak cakap. Dulu boleh rapat sekali, sekarang bersepah. Understood la tiap projek memang camtu. Maybe pasal kita belum dibayar lagi oleh IMG promotions yang masih hutang duit gaji kita, jadi rasa macam takde proper closure gitu. Masih tergantung. Yang rindu ni.... hmmmm.... dulu rapat sekarang susah nak dapat. Haiz.... cinta tak semestinya bersatu lah eh....?

tu je

Dispensable

2006-10-19T15:57:00.000+08:00

Dispensable

adj
Definition: not necessary; able to be thrown away

When I was in NS, I kept hearing, "We're in the infantry. Why the low pay? Why the siongness? Why the suffering? Why the staying in? Why the lies? Because..... we are expandable (army lingo of dispensable)". We are dispensable.

We go to war. We're the front line. We have no bulletproof vest. We can't see in the thick vegetation. We get shot first. We die first. We make up the most number of the dead.

I'm out of the army. But I'm still in the reservists unit.

Most of the time now, I am a civilian.

But I'm still dispensable.

I can be easily replaced if anything happens, or simply, if i die.

Easily.

Dispensable.

Buatpe......?

2006-10-19T02:36:00.000+08:00

Buat apa makan, kalau besok kita lapar?

Buat apa tidur, kalau besok malam kita ngantuk?

Buat apa kerja, kalau duit akan habis?

Buat apa kahwin, kalau ada possibility cerai?

Buat apa naik mrt, kalau ada possibility mrt rosak?

Buat apa naik bas, kalau ada possibility bas eksiden, terbalik pastu mati?

Buat apa naik kereta, kalau ada possibility accident pastu mati?

Buat apa naik motor, kalau ada possibility accident, jatuh pastu mati?

Buat apa ada matair, kalau ada possibility akan putus?

Buat apa ada polis, kalau ada possibility kat rumah sendiri pun kena rompak?

Buat apa jalan kaki, kalau ada possibility kena langgar kereta pastu kaki patah ataupun mati terus?

Buat apa tengok tv, kalau orang kat dalam tv tu tak tengok pun kita?

Buat apa belajar, kalau ada possibility menganggur sampai mati?

Buat apa bernafas, kalau udara kita berjerebu?

Buat apa pakai stokin, pastu stokin kita busuk?

Buat apa cuci stokin bila dia busuk, lepas tu pakai lagi, busuk balik?

Buat apa masuk pertandingan, kalau ada possibility kalah?

Buat apa isi minyak kereta, pastu dia habis?

Buat apa main bola, kalau ada possibility kepala terhentak pastu mati?

Buat apa minat Chelsea, kalau Chelsea tak minat kita?

Buat apa gosok gigi tiap pagi, kalau bila dah tua gigi tetap akan tanggal?

Buat apa minum air, kalau kejap lagi haus balik?

Buat apa potong rambut, kalau tak lama dia panjang balik?

Buat apa kunyah singgam, kalau dah tak manis kita buang?

Buat apa ketawa, kalau besok ada possibility kita nangis?

Buat apa jadi orang baik, kalau ada possibility orang tak baik dengan kita?

Buat apa menderma, kalau bila kita susah orang tak tolong?

Buat apa makan ubat, kalau satu hari nanti kita mesti sakit lagi?

Buat apa boleh cakap, kalau tak ada yang nak dengar?

Buat apa pakai kasut, kalau ada possibility kaki melecet?

Buat apa hidup, kalau satu hari kita akan mati?

Buat apa jadi diri aku sendiri, kalau tak ada orang lain nak jadi aku? Hur hur hur... There's always a reason for death.

Soap Opera

2006-10-14T01:03:00.000+08:00

Tirai dibuka dengan laungan muzik sekuat hati. Kelihatan para pemain sedang duduk di spot masing-masing. LX. Satu spot per person. Orkestra penuh ditempatkan di tingkat dua pentas. Tidak ada lampu untuk mereka. Dengar sahaja sudah mencukupi. Walau begitu, 3/4 pentas dibahagikan untuk mereka.

Tee Jar
(Menjeling ke arah tempat orkestra) Kreatif secara arif Jumat. Lain, tapi jangan main-main.

Doll
Siapa kau Jumat? Siapa kau kalau nak dibandingkan dengan penggiat teater yang lain? Kalau kau belum bersedia, kau jangan nak beriya-iya la Jumat.

Dina
(Seorang wanita mat salih yang sungguh berwarisan melayu terakhir. Tak faham... kerja taman warisan agaknya.)
Kalau dah buat silap jangan nak mengelak. Mengelak sembunyi, sikapnya pengecut. Membohongi orang, pasti kau yang rugi. Kita mesti mempertingkatkan nilai kita. Jangan biarkan orang macam dia mengambil kesempatan dengan orang macam kita!!

Romi
Sebab itu kita mesti ada banyak gig! Kau tengok... ada muka kita? Balik-balik... kacang jugak yang diorang carik!! Dah nak Raya ni... kacang pun tak dapat.

Ishak
Tapi ini soal survival beb! Kita nak makan apa?? Nak harapkan promoter? Promoter tu tahu cakap aje. Habuk pun takde!

Man Cerdik
Ini kes aniaya! Depan artis sign kontrak! Belakang artis.... kita dianiaya.

Didi
Jangan mengharap benda yang tak pasti....

Dina
Adakah aku hanya sekadar di pinggiran?

Romi
Di sini Ku menunggu. Ikhsan yang tak muncul tiba. Bilakah masanya, kau kan hadir padaku......?

Dina
Di sini Ku tunggu. Bilakah kau akan menjelma. Nada irama merdu. Yang memujuk kalbuku.

Romi / Dina
Siang ku tunggu. Malam ku tunggu. Dia dan aku, saling memerlukan. Satu perjanjian, satu penantian. Nilai kerja kita.

Mayarina
Aku pun menunggu. Kapan tiba waktu. Masa kita bertemu. Agar terisi saku ku. Namun kau selalu. Menghilang dirimu. Ku bertanya selalu. Bilakan aku, dibayarmu.....??

Romi / Dina / Mayarina
Siang ku tunggu. Malam ku tunggu. Dia dan aku, saling memerlukan. Satu perjanjian, satu penantian. Nilai kerja kita.....

Romi
Gua rasa, lu dah bersedia beb.

Doll
Huh? Siapa lah gua brader? Hidung tak mancung, pipi tersorong-sorong. Siapa nak interviu?

Samdol Jackman
Forget it! Forget it! Melayu kah, Cina kah... sama-sama boleh terlungkup!

Romi / Doll / Man Cerdik
Cakap biar betul!!

Samdol Jackman
Don't worry... Ini hari kita sign contract. Minggu depan kita pergi. Kita carilah dia..... Kita carilaaaaah diiiaaaaa......!!

TAMMAT
Ditujukan khas buat IMG Promotions yang sudah 4 bulan tak bayar gaji kita. Harap terhibur.

Kau cari bawah blok, kau cari kat kedai runcit, kau cari kat tekka, kau cari kat playground. Aku cari kat belakang esbok.

I dream

2006-10-13T02:26:00.000+08:00

I dream.......

Haha! LeAnn Rimes... Hahahaha.

I had a cool dream last night. Here goes.

I found myself in the middle of a street. Not too wide. Tarmac. About 8metres wide. Goes straight as far as an eye could see. It was dark, dusk I presume, with blueish sky just above the horizon and black cloudless sky above it. Black enough to discern the stars yet bright enough to see that the road that I'm on, has buildings along both sides. Those one story buildings, as long as the road itself. Much like an old fashioned barracks and MT line.

I wasn't alone. I was part of a group. About 8 of us. I couldn't remember how all of them look like. One of them looked like my father. Only younger and stockier built. He looked fit. But I knew he wasn’t my father. He just looks like him. He stood opposite me.

The other one that I could remember, was a lady. She's a babe. Not all too miss pageants type. She was scruffy but I seem to fancy her somehow. She's about 1.7 as I could barely see the top of her head. Long wavy hair, untied, dropped over her shoulders. Slim built. Not too busty. Just proportional. She looked fit too, with a white greyish t-shirt meant for ladies and black track pants. The three white stripes on each sides confirmed it was an adidas. She stood beside me.

We were lost. I could see on everyone’s faces. We were lost. We just gazed at each other. Till one of them said, “Let’s get out of here.” And we looked down the seemingly never ending road. And we looked at each other again. Knowing that it would never lead us anywhere.

One of them said, “Let’s try this way,” pointing to a door closest to us on the building next to us. Somehow, quietly, we agreed and without muttering a word, we followed him to the door which he opened.

It was brighter, though still dark, like it was illuminated by an old fluorescent light. We were greeted by an old lady. English. Definitely. I couldn’t miss the accent. She didn’t look evil. In fact she looked like a typical homely old English lady in the movies.

“Come in child... come in... all of you... Please.. come in...”

She was smiling. But I didn’t like her. She gave the negative vibes.

A corridor beckons us. About 2 metres wide and 5 metres long till it turned to the left. We followed. The corridor led to a door which we opened. It was a very bright room. No windows. But we were relieved to see some light. Wasn’t a big room but we saw a door at the other end with an “EXIT” sign. Naturally we headed towards the door.

The room was filled machines. About a metre in height all shapes and sizes. They looked new but I had no idea what these machines were. The looked like car engines and oversized vacuum cleaners and thermos... brightly painted in red, white and blue. We had to manouver ourselves around these machines. Halfway to the “EXIT”, we knew what these machines are.

Blades. And I mean sharp blades suddenly popped out of these machines. Now they looked like the underside of lawn mowers with blades, at least 5 per machine, sticking out of them. It didn’t hit any of us but it was enough to give us a shock. The blades started rotating. Slowly at first. One of us got hurt. He screamed but was still in control of himself. We were dazed. Now rushing towards the exit door as the blades swirled faster. More of us slashed as we rushed yet manouvering towards the door. I jumped on top of the machines as the blades were on their sides. I pulled the babe up as she was the closest. The others followed suit. One of us reached the “EXIT” door first. To our dismay, it was locked from the other side. Try as hard as he might and with the help of the rest of us, it just wouldn’t budge.

No use. The blades are rotating faster and starting to make a deafening sound. Now it seems these machines are alive as the moved towards us. Even a fool would notice that these machines wanted us.

“Turn back!!” One of the guys shouted.

Me at the back of the group, now leads the group as we about turn. I applied the same method, running towards the door that we initially came in by jumping on top of the machines. One by one. Careful not to fall. At the door, I could see the old lady. She was smiling. I reached to her first. The rest behind me. She smiled and said,

“Done so soon...? The fun hasn’t started yet....”

Out of the blue, The Babe gave her a punch. I looked at her. She shrugged and smiled. I looked at the old lady. She was lying on the floor. Now laughing an eerie laugh. It was the eyes. Now the eyes.... it turned white. White eyes, with white eyeballs. My god... She was still laughing. I pulled The Babe’s hand and rushed down the corridor back to the very initial door. The rest hot behind us.

I opened the door and back to the tarmac again. All of us made it out safely. It’s darker now. Someone shouted from a distance. “Over here!!!” Somehow we trusted and ran towards him, down the road.

The eerie part started. Hot behind us are pack of laughing people. I could only see silhouttes of them. They looked human but hundreds of them walking in an odd manner and laughing towards us. Walking. They were walking!! But they seem to be faster than any of us.

Nothing to lose.... we ran! Ran as hard as we could. Now from the buildings beside us seems to pour out streams of people. It suddenly became crowded. Too crowded we can no more run. Some were laughing hysterically. Some were crying. Till we were swarmed by them. I just continued running. I could make out these people in the dark by their eyes. The white eyes were laughing. They were holding blades. The black eyes were crying and trying to get out of the way. Just like us. It was hysteria!!

I just carried on running. Pulling as much humans with black eyes as I can. They were already hysterical that they were out of control. I managed to defend myself. Punched one white eye and he dropped on his buttocks. So they can feel hurt.... I carried on running. Defending myself. Punching, kicking, here and there. Protecting black eyes as much as I can and urging them on to run.

I’m all alone now. I mean... from the group. I can’t see anyone of them anymore. It’s every man to himself. In the hustle, i bumped to The Babe. She was in pandemonium too. We looked at each other for a second that seemed to take a while. Maybe we were jus checking that our eyes weren’t white. I pulled her hand and off we ran. Desperate not to let go anymore. She was my main witness in any case I made out of this alive. Think she feels the same way too.

We saw a downward slope ahead of us. It leads to a small, lit up house. The other end of the house was a green coloured gate, ajar. Somehow we felt it was our destination of hope and sprinted down the slope. We had to go through the house.

The house was a small office!! With tables and chairs and computers and staff. But they had white eyes! They looked at us with a smile.

“School’s not over yet you lovebirds. Now get back inside or we’ll just have to discipline you.”

No way are we getting disciplined. The swashbuckling adventure continues. Maneouvering, punching, jumping, kicking, fighting. We must get to the end of the house and through the gate. These white eyes are strong but we managed. Out of the house we go. All tired and panting. But the gate is just ahead.

“Once we’re out, it’ll be all over....” The Babe said.

Those were the first words I heard from her. It was dark, cold and foggy. We held each others hands and ran out the gate, leaving behind wails and screams ang deafening laughters behind us.

We ran on till we were too tired and stopped. The air was different. It was cooler yet still dark. Now the road has streetlights beside it. No more buildings but trees and shrubs. I saw the rays of sunset in the western sky though the sun had already passed below our vision.

“See... we were in a bad, dark place. It was dark. Night only. When in actual fact, the sun has just set.” The Babe, pointing to the rays and panting as she spoke.

How we got there, I have no idea. We just looked at each other and smiled. With long wavy hair, dropped on her shoulder, dirtied t-shirt and adidas track pants, she looked scruffier than before but even more beautiful.

Now... for all of you reading who knows me, will know that I could actually control my dreams. I actually had known that this was a dream way from the start but I played through and enjoyed it. Now comes the part that I was totally in control of the dream.

I hugged The Babe and swooped her off her feet, cradling her in my arms and elevated myself. She was shocked and I gave an assuring smile. In my arms, we flew away from the place. Flew higher till we could discern the evening lights. Street lights, building lights below us. It was magical. I flew till I could see “civilisation”. From the rough shape seen from above, I knew where I was going. A slow descent to bright lights and civilisation and normal people with black eyes, to a coffeeshop in Balestier. Smell of rice and fried eggs was all too familiar. The lady of the shop had the another familiar voice.

“Nak makan tak? Dah pukul 5....”

She sounded like my mother. It was time for sahur.

You gave me wings. I enjoy this "gift"

Mak engkau dan Mak aku.. Dah lama tak sebulu..

2006-10-06T11:45:00.000+08:00

"Mak bapak kau mintak sampai lima ribu. Aku tidak ada wang! Aku pinjam benggali. Sekarang, sudah sampai ada tiga anak, hutang benggali pun belum habis bayar lagi. Kau tahu, ini semua mak bapak kau yang salah!

Kalau mak bapak aku mintak sampai lima ribu, kenapa mak bapak kau terima?

Sebab kau berjanji, kau nak sehidup semati dengan aku. Itu sebab aku terima. Kalau aku tahu perangai kau ini macam, aku pun tak hingin sama kau."

"Bapak yang bersalah dalam hal ini. Bapak membesarkan Sazali dengan membabi buta saja. Segala kemahuan sazali bapak tunaikan. Segala permintaan Sazali bapak turutkan. Sehingga Sazali sanggup menipu bapak. Menipu untuk kepentingan sendiri! Tapi bapak hanya.... Anakku Sazali..."

"Dah hampir setahun kami meninggalkan rumah, khabar berita pun tak ada. Betul ke mak kirim surat saya mak?

Takkan lah mak nak koyak koyakkan surat tu nak. Kalau boleh, mak sendiri nak bawak Kassim tu tinggal bersama-sama dengan kita nak.

Apa agaknya khabarnya sekarang?

Jangan-jangan dia dah kahwin perempuan kabaret Sabariah...

Jadi, apa yang harus saya buat sekarang?

Ah.... mula-mula, kau mesti pergi..... ambik pasak...."

"Eeeeeh....... banyaknya rambutan! Macam kat negeri arab la!

Eh! Siapa bilang kau kat negeri arab ada rambutan?!!

Bapak aku!!

Ah.. kau dengan bapak kau pun sama jugaklah..."

Isy isy isy....

Bapak borek, anak rintik.

Mana tumpahnya lauk, kalau tidak ke nasi?

Sayang anak, biarlah dipukul-pukul. Bukan ditimang-timang.

Macam mana anaknya tak macam orang hutan, kalau mak bapaknya dah macam orang dayak? Macam mana anaknya tak terbiar, kalau mak bapaknya membiarkan? Macam mana anaknya tak kurang ajar, kalau mak bapaknya tak cukup ajar? Macam mana anaknya nak pandai berjalan, kalau mak bapaknya terhoyong hayang? Macam mana anaknya nak hisap susu, kalau mak bapaknya hisap dadah? Macam mana anaknya nak pergi sekolah, kalau mak bapaknya asyik pergi berhibur? Macam mana anaknya nak tertib, kalau mak bapaknya ketawa tengok dia berjoget? Macam mana anaknya nak pandai mengaji, kalau mak bapaknya tak faham papan tanda "no smoking"?

Macam mana?

Alah.... apa susah sangat.....? Salahkan aje kawan kawan dia. Kalau susah sangat, salahkan cikgu dia. Habis cerita.

Adik adik sekelian, ingatlah... donia ini hanyalah tempat tumpangan buat sementara. Akhirat jugalah yang sebenar-benarnya..

Rompakan halal

2006-09-29T16:35:00.000+08:00

Rasa macam taknak halalkan aje.

Genap seminggu lalu, kad ezlink aku kena ambik dengan SMRT. Entah kenapa time tu, aku nak naik bas 39 balik rumah dari pasir ris, kad aku tak boleh didetect oleh mesin ezlink tu. Nasib baik aku ada cash. Justeru tu, drebar bas pun mengambil kad aku dan pass aku beberapa dokumen-dokumen dan surat-menyurat, kononnya case id untuk penyerahan kad aku tu. Katanya, kad aku akan dihantar untuk investigation nak tahu kenapa dia tak work. Aku pulak kena call diorang after 5 working days to check the status of kad aku.

Bermulanya rompakan demi rompakan.

Dalam kad aku tu masih ada 25 Ringgit (Matawang Brunei. Aku paling benci bila aku cakap ringgit, orang kata ringgit Malaysia. Brunei pun pakai ringgit la. Nak loyar buruk, kencing kasi straight dulu boleh?)

Aku tak cukup duit nak beli kad baru. Satu kad berharga $15. Hanya bernilai $7. Lagi $8 kasi orang.

Tiap tiap kali aku travel, aku pakai cash. Dengan harapan diorang dapat settlekan kes aku secepat mungkin.

Setakat pergi kerja aje: MRT Yishun to Newton, $1.60. Newton to Binjai Park, $1.10. Total: $2.60. Pulang balik, $5.20 per day hanya untuk pergi kerja. Belum menyinggah tempat lain. Belum beli benda benda miscellaneous. Especially bila aku nak kena beli sesuatu untuk pecahkan duit note aku to coins untuk nak bas.

Kelmarin: To report at Binjai Park, 6:30am. Aku hanya ada $10 note dalam kocek. Sampai Yishun MRT 5:15am. First train 5:26am. Aku pun pegi la beli tiket kan GTM. Macam siak... the machine tak accept $10note. Ok takpe, pegi control station mintak tukar. Dalam booth aircon kuat nak mampus tu, takde orang. Aku terus menunggu. Kedai kopi belum bukak. Kedai sokkabar belum bukak. Staff MRT pulak MIA. 5:45am baru dia datang. Rasa macam nak maki dia peh muka, tapi takpe... puasa..

Dah beli tiket, aku lari naik escalator. Crowd pagi pagi ni semua bodoh bodoh belaka. Tak tau nak keep left. Berdiri macam escalator tu nenek dia punya CPF. Bila sampai atas pulak, lengah lengah nak step off escalator. Aku menyelit nak rush ke pintu train yang dah nak tutup. Yang belum masuk, berlari masuk train. Sejurus masuk aje pintu train, macam escalator tadi la..... lengah lengah masuk dan cari ruang nak berdiri. Yang kat luar dah menyumpah. Aku pun sama menyumpah sebab belum sempat aku masuk, pintu ditutup. Next train: 8 minutes. Puasa...

Sistem pengangkutan awam telah berjaya merompak wang dan masa aku, hari demi hari. Malangnya, aku muda dan ada ic kaler pink, jadi diorang semua ingat aku ni kaya. Diorang lupa, aku Melayu tak tau cakap Mandarin. Diorang tak tau aku, kais pagi makan pagi, kais petang buat bekal besok pagi, in case kais pagi besok tak dapat apa apa. IMG Promotions pulak belum bayar duit gaji "Rock Opera" aku. Dari Jun, dah masuk Oktober dah ni.

Dah genap seminggu aku takde farecard aku. Aku call diorang tadi, diorang suruh aku call hari isnin pulak sebab diorang tak kerja sabtu dan ahad. Secara tak langsung, aku kena sabar lebih untuk membiarkan diorang relax dan enjoy dengan famili diorang pada esok dan lusa. Abih aku yang kerja sabtu minggu ni cemana??? Puasa.....

Dah dikatakan sistem, nak buat apa kan? Ikut je la.

Macam siak. Bila aku nak migrate ni........??

Ingatkan puasa boleh save. Kasi orang duit percuma je... Signboard ni perli aku pulak. Nabe..

Trust

2006-08-31T01:41:00.000+08:00

It's official.
I'm not trusting anyone anymore than as much as I choose to.
Hey friends.... where are you when I call for you?
Friends indeed.

I see the light. It's a bit too far. Or I can just swim. Hope I'll drown.

What makes it tick......

2006-08-16T11:57:00.000+08:00

Posing a question.

What makes a theatre play, a good theatre performance?

What is it that makes a performance, THE performance?

Is it:

An actor whom can recites never ending monologues?

An actor whom can shed tears at will?

An actor whom has a voice louder than the rest so he can scream non stop when he's playing anger?

A babe as the lead actress?

Popular TV actors and actresses leading the play?

A performance that draws the laughs?

A performance that leaves an open ended ending?

Old school A - Z plot with a twist and an ending?

A so called intellectual performance which in fact left the audience confused?

A performance that entertains the general audience or theatre practitioners (they never do..)?

A performance that satisfies the general audience or theatre practitioners (they never do..)?

A play with political themes?

A play of grand scale?

Questions after questions....

What answers could there be?

"Bicara" by Teater Artistik, 26th 27th August 2006, The Guinness Substation

Dub Dub... Dub Dub.... Terrr tas tak tak....!! Terr Tas Tak Tak....!!

2006-08-03T18:45:00.000+08:00

There used to be a nurse in my life. She kept saying about the heart. She is a nurse because of heart. She nurses from her heart. The heart is her favourite organ. It's something facinating to her. It is too to me. It works. It moves you. It moves your body. It moves the world. Without batteries.

It's a clump of flesh that does more than beats. More than supplying blood. More than keeps you alive. More than vital. Facinating huh?

The chambered muscular organ in vertebrates that pumps blood received from the veins into the arteries, thereby maintaining the flow of blood through the entire circulatory system.

A similarly functioning structure in invertebrates.

The area that is the approximate location of the heart in the body; the breast.

The vital center and source of one's being, emotions, and sensibilities.

The repository of one's deepest and sincerest feelings and beliefs: an appeal from the heart; a subject dear to her heart.

The seat of the intellect or imagination: the worst atrocities the human heart could devise.

Emotional constitution, basic disposition, or character: a man after my own heart.

One's prevailing mood or current inclination: We were light of heart.

Capacity for sympathy or generosity; compassion: a leader who seems to have no heart.

Love; affection: The child won my heart.

Courage; resolution; fortitude: The soldiers lost heart and retreated.

The firmness of will or the callousness required to carry out an unpleasant task or responsibility: hadn't the heart to send them away without food.

A person esteemed or admired as lovable, loyal, or courageous: a dear heart.

The central or innermost physical part of a place or region: the heart of the financial district. See synonyms at center.

The core of a plant, fruit, or vegetable: hearts of palm.

The most important or essential part: get to the heart of the matter.

at heart
In one's deepest feelings; fundamentally.

by heart
Learned by rote; memorized word for word.

do (one's) heart good
To lift one's spirits; make one happy.

from the bottom (or depths) of (one's) heart
With the deepest appreciation; most sincerely.

have (one's) heart in (one's) mouth
To be extremely frightened or anxious.

have (one's) heart in the right place
To be well-intentioned.heart and soul
Completely; entirely.

in (one's) heart of hearts
In the seat of one's truest feelings.

lose (one's) heart to
To fall in love with.near (or close to)

(one's) heart
Loved by or important to one.

steal (someone's) heart
To win one's affection or love.

take to heart
To take seriously and be affected or troubled by: Don't take my criticism to heart.

to (one's) heart's content
To one's entire satisfaction, without limitation.

wear (one's) heart on (one's) sleeve
To show one's feelings clearly and openly by one's behavior.

with all (one's) heart
With great willingness or pleasure.
With the deepest feeling or devotion.

with half a heart
In a halfhearted manner.

Cherish the heart people. Stop smoking.

Pendedahan

2006-07-28T13:45:00.000+08:00

Azyza antara yang bersinar lakonannya. Man Toyak mengagumkan dngan lafaz dialog yang panjang dan nyanyian yang mantap. Eka Mairina juga terserlah dengan watak Marina Sandy dan nyanyian yang tak perlu dipertikaikan. Begitu juga lakonan Siti Elfaeza Ul Haq sebagai gadis Serani Diana Fernandez. Syabas untuk para artis ini walaupun pertama kali berlakon teater. Pentas Esplanade membuktikan kita punya artis berbakat kalau diberi pendedahan.

...Manja Ogos 2006...

Pendedahan yang macam mana tu maksudnya? Mendedahkan mereka yang sudah didedah untuk lebih terdedah? Atau memilih mana yang lebih sensasi untuk didedahkan?

Kita mempunyai artis berbakat kalau diberi pendedahan. Kalau. K.A.L.A.U. Kalau nak, adalah. Kalau tak nak, takdelah. Macam mana nak didedah kalau tak diberi peluang pendedahan? Macam mana nak didedah kalau mereka yang ditugaskan mendedah lebih berminat untuk mendedah yang sering terdedah dan didedahkan? Apa jadi dengan "bakat kalau diberi pendedahan?".

Ada......... diorang tengah cari makan kat bangunan usang tepi jalan kat tanjong pagar. Dalam bilik kecil berhabuk dan dewan yang bernyamuk. Ada juga yang sedang mencari sesuap nasi di bangunan usang diatas bukit. Terperap dalam bilik gelap yang memerlukan generator untuk diterangkan. Pendek kata.... adalah. Mereka sedang mencari makan disana sini. Di tempat tempat usang berhabuk, bernyamuk, menunggu masa batu bata bertabur. Merantau kesana sini memberi servis hiburan. Ada ke sekolah, ke tadika, ke majlis keramaian dan bermacam macam lagi. Mereka sedang bertungkus lumus mencari makan tatkala kau membaca tulisan ini. Mereka mencari dan terus mencari. Mereka tidak butuh didedah. Malahan sudah jelek dengan janji janji pihak pihak yang berjanji. Mereka tidak akan didedah kerana mereka yang ditugas mendedah, tidak sudi mendedahkan. Salah siapa beb?

Kau pernah dengar nama-nama ini? Najib Soiman, Dalifah Shahril, Suhaila Sanif, Faezah Rahmat, Saiful Amri, Fezhah Maznan, Sheba Rai, Shireen Abd Rasid, Big, Den Sabari, Firdaus Rahman, M Fadlin M Saffri, Hisham Salim, Md Siddiq, Yazid Tahir, Izad Omar, Izzat Yusoff dan ramai lagi.

Inilah bakat bakat dekad 2000 yang belum ada dan tak mungkin ada tandingannya dekad ini. Ada yang sudah lemas dek tiada pendedahan, ada yang terus mencari makan, ada yang dah kerja gahmen. Pernah dengar tak? Tak pernah.....? Gua tak salahkan lu la beb... Kira.... too bad la huh?

Jadi patung pun ada bagus. Kita hitam berlogam pun orang datang ambik gambar kita.

Teruskan Menunggu

2006-07-24T22:47:00.000+08:00

Di sini
Ku menunggu
Ikhsan yang tak muncul tiba
Bilakah masanya, kau kan hadir padaku......?

Di sini
Ku tunggu
Bilakah kau akan menjelma
Nada irama merdu
Yang memujuk kalbuku

Siang ku tunggu
Malam ku tunggu
Dia dan aku, saling memerlukan
Satu perjanjian, satu penantian
Nilai kerja kita

Aku pun menunggu
Kapan tiba waktu
Masa kita bertemu
Agar terisi saku ku

Namun kau selalu
Menghilang dirimu
Ku bertanya selalu
Bilakan aku, dibayarmu.....??

Siang ku tunggu
Malam ku tunggu
Dia dan aku, saling memerlukan
Satu perjanjian, satu penantian
Nilai kerja kita.....

Hmmmph....! Social...!

2006-07-22T13:17:00.000+08:00

A married man leaves his wife at home to attend a business proceeding overseas. It is important for him to hit the right note as it affects his future in the business.

Upon reaching, he carries on with his job there, gives constant updates to his wife by calling her. He succeeded in carrying his job well and his stint soon ended. It's now time for celebration before packing for home.

This married Muslim man then join his friends for a night's out at a local club there. To socialize. He has been through this before but had promised to end it upon marriage. Knowing his wife would not like it, HE TURNS OFF his mobile phone. He spent the night drinking, partying away. As the curtains comes down to a close, he decided to top it up with a scoring session with one of the ladies he met there. And so that was his night.

Meanwhile, the wife frantically tries to locate her husband. Knowing the kind of person he was, made her even more worried. Though she tries to console herself by replaying his promises in her mind, she couldn't have a shut eye with the fact that his mobile is was turned off. Images running through her mind, could he really be doing it? Or his battery just went flat? Or did he got into an accident? Was he robbed off his phone? One just can't helped being worried right?

He totally shut his wife out for a night of fun under the name of socializing. To some, it might be the norm. Returns home the next day and apologize. Everything would then be fine again and life goes on. Should be....

(no picture this time as not many people would be able to get the picture)

Arnab Yang Haloba

2006-07-20T06:47:00.000+08:00

Cerita ni sebenarnya takde kena mengena dengan seekor arnab yang haloba. Ok la. Takde kena mengena pun dengan perkataan haloba. Haha... Ceritanya begini.

Seekor arnab sedang berlari-lari di sebuah padang yang luas. Seperti mana arnab-arnab yang lain, ia mempunyai ramai adik beradik. Tetapi, kesemuanya, termasuk ibu dan ayahnya telah pun ditangkap dan dijual di sebuah pet shop di bandar. Oleh kerana itu, arnab ini didalam kesepian. Namun begitu, ia masih sentiasa beriang gembira kerana sikapnya yang sentiasa berprinsip optmistik.

Pada suatu hari, arnab bertemu dengan seekor beruang yang tinggal di hutan bersebelahan dalam salah satu misi explorasinya. Oleh kerana tidak pernah melihat seekor beruang, arnab ini amat kagum dengan raut rupa beruang tersebut. Begitu juga dengan si beruang. Ia juga amat kagum dengan si arnab. Mereka berdua mempunyai saiz yang berbeza tetapi raut wajah yang hampir serupa. Kedua-duanya bermuncung dan berhidung mancung. Bukan itu sahaja, semasa berkenalan, mereka dapati bahawa nasib kedua-duanya amat serupa. Kedua-duanya dalam kesepian.

Arakian, dari hari itu, berkawan rapat lah si arnab dan si beruang. Hampir setiap hari mereka berjumpa untuk menghilangkan sepi, bertegur, bergurau dan mencari makan bersama. Sehingga secara tidak langsung dan tanpa diluahkan, timbul rasa sayang terhadap diri masing-masing.

Namun begitu, tiada pun di antara mereka, meluahkan perasaan masing-masing. Dirahsiakan, walaupun kedua-duanya mempunyai perasaan yang sama. Saling antara mereka berperasaan risau jika sekiranya perasaan itu diluahkan, akan menggugat tali persahabatan yang diikat atas dasar kesunyian. Tidak sekali-kali mereka ingin kesunyian lagi!

Perasaan sayang semakin memuncak, dan dengan takdir Ilahi, kedua-duanya memberikan tanda-tanda perasaan masing-masing. Tetapi masih tidak berterus terang. Tanda berganti tanda, hari berganti hari, tetapi masih tidak berani berterus terang. Akhirnya tanda- tanda itu berganti dengan tanda tanya walaupun tandanya terasa. Akhirnya secara tak langsung, kedua-duanya menyerah. Tanda-tanda semakin sedikit, demi sedikit. Mereka bernekad, biarlah ia berterusan begini dari persahabatan ini tergugat. Kata arnab di dalam hati, “Aku arnab, dia beruang, masakan dia menyayangi aku lebih dari seorang sahabat?”. Si beruang pula, “Aku beruang, dia arnab. Walau serupa, kita berbeza. Masakan kita boleh bersatu?”

Dan mereka terus bersahabat sehingga takdir memisahkan mereka. Cinta tak semestinya bersatu. Dan perasaan itu masih tersemat erat Allah Ta’Ala sahaja yang tahu.

Ini bukan cerita kelakar...

Go hiking.....

2006-07-12T00:04:00.000+08:00

I waited 10 minutes for a bus. Sleepy... Can't wait to get on it and have a short nap. The bus finally came and like some others at the bus stop gave a wave at the oncoming vehicle. But...... it just wheezed passed us!

Fair hike?

The next bus finally came 12 minutes later. This time it stopped. This time the driver is definitely not a bull cos he stopped everytime he sees the red light. He loves it so much that everytime he sees a traffic light from 500m away, he will slow down and wait for the red light to appear. He will then admires it again. He has a full bladder too. Stopping at every bus stop hoping he could jump off for a quick pee. But everytime he stops, he changes his mind and says, "nah... maybe the next bus stop". And the cycle continues. It happens at every bus stop. Even at bus stops where no one boards nor alight.

Fair hike?

A poster caught my eye. 16million people used a particular transport company over the last 3 years and a big THANK YOU. Of course we would. Duh? Is there any other means to get to work, home and play? Anyone here has a private jet or chopper?

Fair hike?

Used to be 12am. Now it's 1am for 50%. Therefore, no lights in sight from 1130pm to 1am. Once the clock strikes one, streams of blue lights appear from nowhere. Don't believe? Go have a try! I strongly encourage. Bestest place, Raffles City, Esplanade.

Fair hike?

Wait long long. "Where you going? Sorry sorry cannot..... too far away la."

Fair hike?

My Shasha was sick. I had to stand in the middle of the road to grab hold of a cab's attention. Amazingly they swerved passed me like a manouvre test plastic cone. I finally stopped a mercedes cab whom also tried to swerved but I chased for it. Thinking that a mercedes cab would have better service standard, I told him our destination and begged for him to send us there. "Sorry, I'm going Tampines. Hougang is out of the way!" Huh???? I told him my Shasha was very sick and I need to get her home. Hey people.... brace yourself for this. His EXACT words, "If you're sick, call an ambulance."

Fair hike?

Migrating is suddenly an option

D Day H Hour

2006-07-09T17:06:00.000+08:00

D Day : 200605
H Hour: 0730 hrs

SARGE:
Ok guys. The objective Tg Gul is jus in front. We've done this many times. But this time we'll be following the main body in the assault and look for the perfect location to deploy in preparation for counter attack. The breaching team is already at the wire. We wait up.

COMMS SET:
*bzzzt... bangalore ignited...bzzzt*

3....2....1..... KABOOM!!!!! GAP! GAP! GAP! GAP!!!
CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGE!

BANG BANG BANG!!! BANG!!! BANG!!! BOOOOM!! BAAANG!!! TRAT TAT TAT TATT TAT!!!! BOOM!!

SARGE:
Keep close!! Keep close!!

BANG!! BANG!! TRAT TAT! TAT!! TAT!! BOOM!! OC dowwwnnn!!! MEDIC!!! PC 9 Take over!!

GAN:
Sarge, OC is down. Do you think we'll go on?

SARGE:
Soldier! We fight for the country! Not for him! He can die with his mother fucking business for all I care! Now move! And keep close!! PS took over our PC. We follow...!

BANG! BANG!! KA BOOM!! TRAT TAT TAT!!! TAT! DUUSH!! BOOM!! AAAAHHHH!!!

GAN:
Sarge! Reza down!!

SARGE:
Cover PS!! I see to him!

TRAT TAT TAT!!! TAT! TAT! TAT! TAT!!!! TRAT!!! TAT!!!

GAN:
WE're out of rounds!!

SARGE:
U got 556?!!!

GAN:
Only one mag!! Singh took the other!!

SARGE:
Bring Reza to cover!! I'll cover you!!

BANG! BANG!! BANG!!.... DsSSSSSSST..... DUSH!!! BANG!! BOOM!! PS DOWN!!! MEDIC!!!

SARGE:
SHIT!!! Gan!!! Cover Reza to a proper cover!! I'm taking over the platoon!!

GAN:
I don't have enough rounds!!

SARGE:
Right!! See that tree?!! Get him there fast!! I cover both of you!!

BANG BANG!!! BANG!!! AAAHHHHH!!! BANG!! BANG!!! BANG!!

GAN:
Sarge!! We're here!! I'm outta 556!!

SARGE:
HOLD UP!!

BANG BANG!!! BANG!! SHITT!! SHIT!! BANGG!!! KABOOM!! DAMN!!! KABOOM!!!

SARGE:
One mag! That's all I can spare!! Now I gotta go! Stay put and cover the area till the medic comes!! The platoon's pinned down! I gotta move now!

GAN:
Sarge!! Half the platoon is down!! Should we just call for reinforcements??

SARGE:
No time!! We'll run out of ammo if we wait for them. It's every man for himself!! They have their own objective! Just one time good one and we clear this shit! I'm not coming back for RT!! Neither do I want any of us! COver the area with what you have! Get some from the casualties! I'll get more rounds for you than you'll ever imagined!!

GAN
Sarge!! You're taking over now??!!!

SARGE:
I'll BE BACK!!!

I wrote this a year ago. I went back. And I'm back out. Time flies and the enemy is still there.

We did it.... barely... but yes... we did it and we're still alive.

Member baru

2006-06-27T01:16:00.000+08:00

Takde mood nak putar belit.

Takde mood nak selekoh jauh jauh.

Saje je nak cakap pasal satu situasi ni. Situasi yang telah mengecewakan seorang teman aku. Pasal apa lagi? Pasal teater kita jugak. Hape lagi??!!

Gini... kawan aku ni dah lama jadi "setiausaha" dengan satu kumpulan teater Melayu kita jugak, yang berpejabat kat satu tanjong di Singapura ini yang dah hilang pagarnya. Lebih tepat lagi, di suatu teluk bersebelahan tanjong tu. Nak kata setiausaha pun, taklah dibayar gaji. Sebab kompeni teater ni bukan registered company. So, ahli anggotanya semua menjalankan tugas teater ni atas dasar minat. Jadi kawan aku ni, dia bekerja tetap pada siang hari. Waktu malam, dan hujung minggu, dia akan menjalankan tugas setiausahanya dengan kompeni teater ni. Bukanlah nak biase, tapi aku sendiri nampak tungkus lumus kawan aku ni. Minat betul tau dia! Takde mintak bayaran. Takde mintak habuan. Semuanya dengan ikhlas.

Tapi kompeni ni pulak, biasalah kompeni Melayu. Dah dapat gading bertuah, lupalah dia dengan daging berkuah. Dah dapat ahli anggota baru, yang kawan aku sendiri beri sokongan dan desakan, sang setiausaha ni secara perlahan lahan dilupakan. Tak nilai langsung pengorbanan orang. Tak ambil pusing langsung hati budi orang. Tak peduli langsung perasaan orang. Alah, senang cakap, dah tak acknowledge langsung kat kawan aku ni. Macam tak pernah tahu pulak ada manusia kawan aku ni.

Sedih betul kawan aku ni. Tadi siang, diambilnya barang barangnya dari ofis kompeni ni. Takpe la. Orang tak kenang jasa, tak kenang budi, biarlah dengan keletahnya. Esok masih ada dan ramai yang masih cinta. Tak rugi, tak mati. Sedih tu memang tak dapat lari. Tapi janganlah peduli. Mungkin bukan rezeki.

Kompeni ni pun dah lama tak maju. Biarkanlah mereka dengan sifat tidak bersyukur dan sifat tidak mengenang budi mereka yang mungkin sebab utamanya mengapa mereka bertahun tak maju. Kita doakan yang terbaik untuk mereka. Doa aje...

Next week diorang ada show. Sape rajin, pergilah tengok. Aku mesti pergi. Sebenci-benci aku dengan diorang, aku akan tetap pergi. Pasal kalau tak kita, siapa lagi?

Benda yang mati, masih kan boleh menjadi saksi.
Inikan pula manusia yang berhati.

Upset

2006-06-24T02:05:00.000+08:00

I refused to have this feeling.

I placed it somewhere.

I know it will do no good.

I am used to it.

But I know I left it somewhere and it's still there.

But this is my blog, I might as well pour out this thing.

Upset.

A week has passed. I am upset actually with the organiser of Rock Opera the Musical. Yeah right. I took it in my stride, but deep inside, I am deeply upset.

Upset at the UNFAIR treatment that I received.

I am was the main cast. The way a neutral sees it, there are 4 main cast. Man Toyak, Elfaezah, Azyza and Myself. Elfa played Diana. Romli's (Man Toyak) love interest. Azyza played Khatijah, my character Abdullah's wife. Khatijah and Abdullah had their own issues shared with the audience and were also the characters that BROUGHT ROMLI and DIANA into the PICTURE.

There were 14 scenes. I was in 10 of them.

I sang 3 songs. 1 solo. 1 duet and 1 in an ensemble.

Khatijah and Abdullah were the 2nd last pair to appear in the curtain call. AFTER M. Nasir. BEFORE the FINAL pair of Man Toyak and Elfa.

But, I wasn't treated like one. Not that I demand to be treated like a star. But at least, with just.

I wasn't interviewed by the media, though there was once, and that too Sani, Cik Atin and Dalifah fought for it. I had no coverage by the media. My name was never mentioned in any coverage.

I wasn't highlighted in the poster, nor flyers, nor websites.

I wasn't invited for an interview in the radio studio.

I didn't get to sing for the soundtrack.

I am paid as much as the supporting casts.

I had to do saikang during rehearsals: Helped out the crew, the costumes, clear trash, carrying stuff here and there all the way from boxes of mineral water to 10kg fans.

My solo song had to be reworked twice. Requiring me to get used to 3 different renditions within 2 months. With like... 2 half hour sessions to practice the final version before the final full dress rehearsal at the esplanade. I got a slap in my face saying that I can't sing. I am not a professional or even a semi pro singer. So please.... you expect me to get it right within 2 sessions? And that is the reason I don't get to sing for the soundtrack??

Why? Why me.....??

Because I don't have commercial value. I look horrible. I can't draw the crowd. I am just stupid to stay humble and not bring it up.

The faces you played with didn't draw the crowd either. Ok I admit, I can't draw them too. Even many of my friends, don't come watch my other plays either. I am upset with them for that. Maybe not this cos it's too expensive. But my other plays? Why weren't they there? Why? I am upset with all of you. I won't expect you to come visit me when I'm dead. I won't. Honest..

And if you don't know. I know not many knows because I don't brag, like many others do. My band and I drew a crowd of 1200 into an auditorium made for 600pax. Mind you, I was the singer of the band. Both days at the esplanade, didn't even reach a total of 1200 audience.

Look at the sidebar. Look at the shows I've done. Look. I directed 2 pieces for Teater Kami. 1 piece for Teater Artistik. 1 piece for Teater Ekamatra. 3 pieces for Titisan Temasek. Assisted in directions for Teater Titisan. Mind you.... I didn't poke my nose saying that "I want to direct these pieces". I was given the responsibility to direct them. I didn't ask for it. I was asked to do them.

And this is how you treat me....?

My shortfall is I don't brag on what I did. I don't push my ideas. I try not to be difficult. I stayed humble. Only in this entry do I pour them all out. And this is what I get.

Honesty is no more the best policy. Humility is no more a way to be. A smile doesn't go a long way anymore.

Upset.

Though it's empty, it's behind me now. Relax one corner and chill...

The Stage

2006-06-19T13:38:00.000+08:00

The theatre stage is a cruel world. An ugly world. A disgusting world. A revolting world. A harsh world. A world that REFLECTS the outside world.

Rock Opera dabis beb. Macam biasa. Lepas abis sesuatu show tu, mesti ada blues dia. Walaupun aku dah lali dengan post production blues, aku selalu menggunakan masa ni untuk mengimbas kembali waktu waktu latihan. Selagi ingatan masih jelas, selagi gambaran masih nyata. Waktu-waktu macam ni buat aku reflect balik.

Pernah sekali tu, aku sedih sekali pasal tak dapat buat "Siapa bilang puisi itu boring" dengan Chip. Tapi yang jelas, dapat jugak aku menjejak sekali lagi ruangan esplanade. Alhamdulillah.

Dewan yang dapat memuatkan 1900 penonton dalam sesuatu masa hanya dapat menarik perhatian segelintir sahaja. Tu pun datang pasal tiket complimentary. Haprak betul! Tapi memang tak dapat nafikan jugak, tiket dia mahal nak mampus. Kan tak ramai orang datang. Padan muka!

Reflection:
Di satu sudut, "Tiket mahal sangat lah. Tak mampu beli. Lagi baik tengok wayang!" Cheh! Cakap pandai. Mulut bijak merandai. Tiket mahal konon. Siti Nurhaliza perform, pergi tengok pe... Show kat black box 12 ketik pun tak datang pe... Makan nasi hari hari pun berak keluar jugak pe...

Sudut lagi satu, "Orang Melayu kita masih belum boleh menerima, appreciate, kerja-kerja kita" Dah Melayu tu Melayu jugak. Kalau dah tau Bangsa Melayu ni memang tak boleh harap, takyah la publicize kat Orang Melayu! Diorang ni cuma tau apa je... beli emas, celoteh kat radio, pergi jemputan, ikut artis pergi luar negeri, makan dadah, main betina jantan dan jantina, masuk jel, keluar jel... Nak tengok teater? Hmmm... tiket free ke?

Bagi aku, puncanya ialah akar yang rapuh. Untuk menjalar, batang yang kukuh, dahan-dahan yang sentiasa menyebar, haruslah berakar yang berasas. Tatkala sudah rimbun, barulah akan datang burung burung menghinggap, membuat sarang, serangga serangga pembersih, bahkan juga sang manusia yang menikmati redupan pepohon yang rimbun. Siapa yang untung? Semua kan? Siapa baca ni mesti ingat, "ceh... nak berbual macam Abang Romli seh". Sesiapa yang dah lama kenal aku, "Abang Romli yang berbual macam Anwar".

Jadi akar teater kita? Akarnya ialah penggiatnya sendiri. Bagaimana hendak tersebar, melangkah, maju, dan menarik penonton, badan badan menyokong, jika akarnya sendiri masih rapuh?

Antara penggiatnya, masih tiada yang bersatu hati. Padahal Melayu ni. Kompeni teater Melayu berapa kerat aje yang ada. Penggiatnya pula, dia kenal dia, dia kenal dia. Tapi, antara sendiri pun tak pernah menyokong. Tak pernah.... let me repeat... TAK PERNAH, aku dengar, seseorang penggiat itu menyokong karya seseorang penggiat yang lain. SENTIASA ada perasaan, "Aku boleh buat lagi bagus". Ah cerita dia meleret la... kaku la.... lampu tak betul la... costume tak cantik la... grammar tak tepat la... old school la... moden sangat la... Semua la! Aku boleh buat lagi baik.

Ada tu memang lah dah tua dan berpengalaman, tapi aku nampak dengan mata aku sendiri, garam yang mereka makan sudah mula menunjukkan tanda tanda penyakit darah tinggi dan kerosakan darah yang memakan diri tetapi masih berdegil kerana ego lebih banyak makan garam dari yang lain.

Ada pula muda harapan bangsa, bekerja keras, berpendidikan. Senang cakap, memang pandai la. Tapi terlupa bumi yang dipijak. Suruh buat tu sikit tak boleh, suruh buat ni sikit tak boleh. Kalau pandai, teori nya tak boleh ditanding. Praktikalnya tak tau siapa nak dibanding. Ditegur, melenting. Dicakap,tak ambil pusing. Didiamkan, menunjuk taring.

Ada pula, juga muda. Tidak berpendidikan, tidak luas pengalaman. Yang luas hanya anganan. Dunianya besar, sempadan hanyalah garisan, kaki langit menjadi tujuan. Oleh kerana anganannya itu besar, maka cakapnya hanya yang "world" sahaja. Semakin besar anganannya, semakin besar worldnya itu. Sungguh dia tak sedar, bahawa kumpulan rakan sekelilingnya sebenarnya semakin kecil dan kecil dan sedikit. Yang membesar hanya lah jerawat di muka dan badan.

Oleh kerana perpecahan ini, ada juga yang menyatakan berniat untuk menyatukan. Maka diambil mereka mereka dari kumpulan yang berbeza beza, disatukan untuk menjayakan. Semoga gabungan dapat menarik perhatian. Errmm.... ye lah. Diadakan poster, flyer, interviu radio, dijemput ke studio radio, interviu akhbar, interviu majalah, interviu tv, dijemput ke stesyen tv, rakam cd soundtrack....... hmmmmmm..... takde pun aku? Siol la.... gua MAIN CAST SIAK!! Kena bilis rabak rabak dengan mereka yang hanya keluar 3 scene, 4 scene.... Dalam 14 scene, gua keluar 10 scene tau tak? Orang kena interviu, gua buat kerja sai kang, angkat kotak la tolak troli la... hape hape sai kang la... Sebabnya? Pasal gua tak hensem. Muka tak boleh pakai buat market product. Gasak la. Sejujurnya, aku tak kecik hati, tapi buat aku meluat pasal ada jugak orang macam ni. Kalau orang lain, kesian kan? Mesti orang tu dah kecik hati ke, sedih ke, merajuk ke... Ketidak adilannya terserlah sangat sangat.

Teater Melayu kita tidak akan maju. Tidak akan maju. Sampai ke akhir hayat aku. Apa terjadi selepas itu, hanya Allah Ta Ala sahaja yang tahu. Kerana penggiat kita masih ramai yang tak sedar diri. Baik yang muda mahupun yang dah nak mati. Hilang peri kemanusiaan atas nama mengejar nama.

Akar sendiri belum kau kenal, berani kau hina karya orang?

Keindahan dan keburukkan seluruh cakerawala, ada di sini. Dan aku akan terus di sini agar tidak hilang jati diri.

ROCK OPERA the MUSICAL

2006-06-08T10:50:00.000+08:00

Date: 16 & 17 June
Venue: Esplanade Theatre
Time: 8pm

Presented by IMG Promotions

Rock Opera The Musical, A Rock Anthology is a Malay-language musical extravaganza that explores the lives of rock musicians through a love story. Spanning two generations, the story touches on the love, passion, ambition of the musicians, as well as lead audiences to examine family values and issues. Continuing from an earlier musical about a Malay male-rocker Romli and his journey to success, Rock Opera The Musical, A Rock Anthology follows the lives of Romli’s friends Dol and Tijah. Jebat, their son, learns the true appreciation of rock music without leaving his cultural roots.

Some of the best Malay talents in the local music and entertainment scene are showcased in this musical, including Sulaiman Ekbah, Elfaeza Ul-haq, Azyza, Eka Mairina, and Anwar Hadi. The theme song is composed by the legendary M. Nasir. The new musical production will feature original rock music compositions with ethnic and classical influence. Accompanying the cast will be a 50-piece orchestra and a choir.

Casts

Sulaiman Ekbah (Man Toyak)
Elfaeza Ul Haq
Azyza
Eka Mairina
Anwar Hadi Ramli
Zainal Md
Azman Shariff
Ariff Shamsudin
Fadhilah Shamsuddin
Suhailmi Ruslan
Ibrahim Sawifi
Den Sabari

Ticket: $48, $68, $88, $108 Concession Discount: Student (Local/International) $50/$35 (Cat 3-4) Senior Citizen (60 yrs & above) $70/$50 (Cat 2-3) NSFs $70/$50 (Cat 2-3) Family Package for family of 4

http://www.imgpromotions.com
http://www.popagenda.sg
http://www.sistic.com
http://www.esplanade.com

When

2006-04-03T17:33:00.000+08:00

I donno why i'm writing this entry.... but yeah... who else can i talk to anyway?

Here goes...

WHEN

When I smile... people smile.

When I make them laugh, people laugh.
Either at the the things that I made, but mostly at me.

When I say... people hear

When I talk... people disappear

When I laugh.... people laugh.

When I cry.... people laugh.

When I'm sad... I don't see any people.

When I'm sad, I'm sad. Full stop. Nothing change, nothing happens, nothing bothers, nothing hears, nothing cares.

This is my last entry.

You won't hear from me again.

Not that anyone does anyway....

Goodbye cruel world. Goodbye all.

Thanks for being part of my life.

Goodbye everything.

May you're blessed with bliss and good life.

Please forgive me for all my wrong doings. Forgive me I beg...

That's the most i ask for.

The least you can give which changes someone's after life....

Assalammualaikum

Kau ingat..

2006-03-24T15:15:00.000+08:00

Kau ingat
Lupa itu sama dengan tak ingat.
Kau lupa, ia tak sama.

Kau ingat
Jalan yang lurus bagai tiada penghujungnya.
Kau lupa, bumi ini bulat.

Kau ingat
Langit itu luas terbentang.
Kau lupa, langit itu diatas kepala.

Kau ingat
Jatuh ada bangunnya.
Kau lupa, sakitnya mungkin merubah keadaannya.

Kau ingat
Langit tak selalu cerah.
Kau lupa, awan punca mendungnya suasana.

Kau ingat
Ada naik ada turun.
Kau lupa, umur tidak akan turun.

Kau ingat
Mata itu pintu hati.
Kau lupa, otak yang membukanya.

Kau ingat
Bumbung yang meneduh kepala kita.
Kau lupa, selain Adib, kebanyakkan kita tinggal rumah flat.

Kau ingat
Yang lorek itu kendi, yang indah itu bahasa.
Kau lupa, guru mengajar bahasa baku.

Kau ingat
Esok masih ada.
Kau lupa, apa kau lakukan semalam.

Kau ingat
Jauhari yang mengenal Manikam.
Kau lupa, Ah Chong tak pernah peduli siapa Jauhari, siapa Manikam.

Kau ingat
Kau tahu isi hatinya.
Kau lupa, kau tak pernah amik biology.

Kau ingat
Aku lupa.
Kau lupa, aku manusia.

Kau ingat...... senang ke jadi aku?

2006-03-17T08:52:00.000+08:00

Di cubit peha kiri, Peha kanan terasa juga sakitnya.

Seorang khatib pernah menyebut, terluka ibu jarinya, demam seluruh badan.

Makan antibiotik, mesti kasi habis.

Bekerja siang dan malam untuk pendapatan di hujung bulan. Tatkala menerima, dipulangkan demi tanggungjawab.

Pakai sepatu untuk menjaga kaki, berstokin untuk mengalas kaki dari sepatu sendiri.

Buka mulut untuk berkata, terlebihnya terkata dan mengata. Apa ada pada nama? Colgate ke, Darlie ke, Listerine ke... tak akan merubah perkataan.

Patplosen beli akhbar 8 mukasurat. Dapat sokkabar 84 mukasurat, free, dua kali sehari.

Update kat blog kegiatan musim. Hey.... bebudak Titisan, dan korang korang yang lain. Show aku time tu, asal tak datang tengok? Pasal takde keris.. dayang.. inang.. lakonan tapak tiga langkah....?

Kat Geylang Lorong 12, ada Jamiyah.

Dekat daerah Jamiyah, ada red light district.

Peter Crouch.... Agu Casmir..... hmmmm.... aku bodoh agaknya. Tapi macam sama aje spelling nama diorang...

Lapar.... sakit perut. Makan la, apa lagi...? Kenyang.... sakit perut.

Belajar rajin rajin. Sampai menara gading... Kena tangkap. Kena saman. Mungkin kena jail.... "Mana kau dapat gading tu? Gajah and Badak sumbu are endangered and protected species... do you know that?!!"

Ni malam kita enjoy. Besok boleh bangun lambat. Besok petang kita pergi lepak. Malam pergi enjoy lagi. Best kan? Baru habis NS 5 tahun pe.... umur masih muda. Apa mau stress stress....??? Bapak aku ada company sendiri.........

Epal.... selonggok 2 ringgit. Limau... selonggok 2 ringgit. Anggur..... segugus 2 ringgit. Pisang.... sesikat 2 ringgit... Beli beli beli... Semuanya 2 ringgit.. murah murah!! Aku nak makan nasik.......

Bulan ni, 31 hari. Bulan lepas, 28 hari. Bulan depan, 30 hari. Kau rasa, bulan tu tahu tak? Ntah... aku tengok dia stone aje. Ada hari dia senyum. Ada hari dia macam half clear.....

Syiling seposen, tenggelam. Kapal besi tak tenggelam. Bila kapal tu tenggelam, duit seposen tu tak pulak timbul.

Tak faham? Bukan untuk difahamkan.

Hahahaha...... You can't please everybody you know....

2006-03-10T14:56:00.000+08:00

This is my entry number one hundreth.... 100....

Yeay!! Happy Centennial Entry.....

Duh...

I'm tired. Still....

What a way to clock the hundreth mark.... yeah...

Sigh...

A colleague of mine kept fretting on how she always has to make the first move, came up with ideas, etc... to keep her relationship fresh, fun and alive. And I being the practical one, always has reasons, answers and solutions for her to ponder upon. Really pities her a lot, knowing the person she is. .. knowing the person he is.. Nevertheless, they're still sweet.. :)

But, it's tiring..

Berat mata memandang, berat lagi bahu memikul.

I never knew...

I think I feel it...

It's tiring...

And it's utter depressing when you know you're not suppose to..

Knowing the kind of person I am.

I'm feeling it... tired of always trying to kick start things..

Depressed when it doesn't work.

Suck it up and tries again.

And it doesn't work again, yet again, again and again.... aarrrgh... not again...!

It gets depressing and even more tiring, when you can sense your patience is wearing thin...

Thinner than me...

Still human I guess... HUMAN GIVES AND NEEDS TO RECEIVE... at least, at times.

I miss that.... receiving...

I miss that.... receiving...

I miss that.... receiving...

I miss that.... receiving...

I miss that.... receiving... a lot......

It sucks... big time. The smell of, "wasting my effort, my money, my patience, my time"... is getting nearer....

shit

Especially when you remembered that, it's you who chose it in the first place..

yeah... who cares anyway...

Sucking up don't seems to work anymore. The ciggy box gets empty even before I know it.

I need a laugh...

Laugh???? What's that????

Exactly.... it's been so very long since I had a hearty stomache wrecking laugh.

Yeah, that's it. I need a good laugh.

Where......? I don't know, at the moment.

My pet rabbit died years ago. My Kung Pow VCD went missing. Hilsham Helzie, where the hell are you? Sigh...............................................................................

Where. Is the word....

Is it somewhere out there.....?

Hmmmmm,,,,,,,,

2006-03-09T20:04:00.000+08:00

Am experiencing one of the longest down moments of my life...

I know it’s just not me to say personal stuff on my blog. But yeah.... no one reads it anyway. Just feel like “typing” it out.

There are many things that could never be penned on paper. Many many...

Just like when suddenly you felt something heavy weighing on you when you’re sleeping.

Just like when you can’t describe it when you’re deeply in love...

Just like when you can’t say it when you’re fuming mad...

Just like when you know something but you can’t say it cos no one would understand...

Just like when the cab driver brought you on a wrong turn but you can’t get him to u-turn...

Just like when you misses someone dearly but you can’t say how much when someone asks you...

Just like when you saved up your money for something you dreamt of for so long only to drop and break it on your way home...

Just like when you see your loved one being so happy and you feel a tinge of happiness in you but you know it’s not your happiness....

Just like when you know you’re right but the old folk kept pressing on and on and on saying that he /she knows much more....

Just like when someone’s not answering your question when all you need is a straight to the point answer...

How do you put these on paper....? How do you say all these....?

It’s just weighing on you but you don’t even know what it is to even say it out.

And even if you do burst it, it’ll just be a blurt....

All I have been doing.........

Is giving a loud, deep, warm, very long.....

Sigh.............................................................................................

i

2006-02-25T09:02:00.000+08:00

i am born with a funny face. i did not ask for it.

...What Goes Around Will Come Around...

2006-02-23T14:29:00.000+08:00

Taken from my entry on the date mentioned below. How apt.

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

...What Goes Around Will Come Around...
Interesting for Adib to mention about the cycle of life's ups and downs in his last entry. He mentioned that the ups and downs goes in a circle, having your ups at this moment with your downs coming soon inevitably.

What is more interesting to me that have been in my mind for long, is the magic of the circle. It intrigues me that many things in our lives, world, things we see are surprisingly related or similar to a simple basic element.

Dan Brown mentioned about the "Divine Proportion" in his book, Da Vinci's Code, about how things are physically shaped up by a particular ratio. eg. your body's length is 1.5/3 of your total body's length, your wrist to elbow is 1.5/3 of your total shoulder to fingers length... etc...

Albert Einstein came out with the theory of relativity which up to now still not totally concluded. He came up with points that are widely accepted nowadays but yet to be proven scientifically. Eg. Time travelling could be possible due to the relativity of time and space continuum. Eg. A pair of twins. Twin A boards a space shuttle and travels into space. TWin B stays on Earth. Twin A returns after what he calculated in space as ten years only to find his twin brother B to be relatively older, possibly 6 months or even 6 years older. Now, 6/10 will bring you roughly to 1.5/3. The "Divine Proportion".

If so far it has been confusing, let's get back down to Earth. What I'm trying to say here is that, what goes around, comes around. In other words, "balik balik, pusing pusing, sama jugak." Just by the word "around", came from "round" which automatically brings you an imagination of a "circle". So magical is this phenomenon is that you'll find "circle", "O", "sphere" everyday in your life. Top to bottom. Largest to Smallest.

Theoratically, the outer space has it's end and when you do reach it's end, you'll find that it's actually a spherical room. Floating in the room are clusters of galaxies rotating around the room in consistent pattern.

Within a galaxy. Let's say our Milky Way, millions of Solar Systems going round the core of the Galaxy.

Within our system, 10 planets going round our Sun.

Within our Planet Earth, a moon revolves around us. With the moon and Earth itself doing it's own spin on it's own axis. (If you notice that we can only see one side of the moon at all time).

Our atmosphere goes through a cycle of changes. Global warming isn't something new. Was one of the theory to Dino's extinction but back then it wasn't carbon but methane that caused the rise in temperatures.

Animal life goes through their own life cycles. Thank you Pri 4 textbook. Ecological cycle, Life cycle, Raw Materials cycle, Water Cycle. Can imagine so far people? (Take a deep breath)

Within every things we see, sense.. eg, water, stone, blocks, paper, etc.. they are all made up of the very basic element. Atoms. And ladies and gentleman.. we have come to a complete circle. Disect an atom and you'll find a small spherical room. A proton floating in the centre with electrons zipping around it, sans outer space and galaxy, sans our sun and its planets. And mind you, they are in perfect spherical shape.

Understand so far?

So.. round, around, circle, cycle, circular, circa, all these words. Rings a bell to you? Look around you. Look at yourself. Every part of your body and organs, they are all circular or made up by something circular to form non circular shapes. Your blood, the air you breathe goes around in a cycle to make you live everyday. You're born a baby, grow up to a teenager, adult, get older and if you live long enough, you'll turn into a baby again. Back into your pram and diapers with someone to push you around and clean you up.

Roger so far?

What more can I say.... these things intrigues me and to those reading this, hope it's interesting to you too. I'll think of some other topics to talk about in my upcoming entries. As for now, digest what you've read.

PS: Adib. P. Ramlee sang a song. Lyrics being, "Susah hanya sekejap... Senang pun Tak Lama..." HAhahahhh...

Sepatu aku..

2006-02-07T09:38:00.000+08:00

Sepatu aku

Dah berpasang-pasang.

Ada yang dah rosak, ada yang dah koyak, ada yang dah haus dan banyak lagi yang usang.

Sepatu aku

Dah lama tak bertukar saiz.

Dulu tu ada lah...

Umur aku 17 tahun, sepatu aku saiz 8

Umur aku sekarang, sepatu aku saiz 8

Saiz 8 lebih kecil berbanding dari saiz sepatu orang lain, yang sama saiz dengan aku.

Aku tak pernah ada sepatu cantik.

Aku tak mampu beli.

Apa yang aku ada, aku pakai.

Dan aku sayang semua sepatu-sepatu aku.

Mereka yang sayang aku, akan faham betapa sayangnya aku pada sepatu-sepatu aku.

Mereka juga sayang sepatu aku.

Mereka yang tidak, akan mentertawakan sepatu aku.

Mereka akan jijik sepatu aku.

Mereka akan mentertawakan sepatu aku.

Mereka akan benci sepatu aku.

Mereka akan mentertawakan sepatu aku.

Mereka akan cemuh sepatu aku.

Mereka akan mentertawakan sepatu aku.

Ada kala aku sedih, ada kala aku tak endah, ada kala aku marah, ada kala aku berdekah.

Aku akan terus pakai sepatu aku.

Sebab aku tahu tidak ada yang ingin memakai sepatu aku.

Semangat yang hilang...

2006-01-29T12:40:00.000+08:00

The play yesterday yet again portrays the neverending fight for survival and confusion of Malay artistes in Singapore. Singapore. Neverending....

Not only the situation never ends...

The play that portrays it will forever be there...

Cultural Medallion version of Najib Soiman's "Ke mana?"

It will go on.... till.... honestly speaking.... the 80's generation... dies...

Pakcik dan makcik..... orang orang tua.... Diorang sentiasa ingat diorang betul. Diorang sentiasa rasa diorang bagus. Diorang sentiasa rasa diorang terer. Diorang sentiasa rasa diorang dewa dan diva. Cuba dengar cara diorang berbual dengan sesiapa saja... Eksyen nya melampau lampau... kalau tak eksyen.... tak faham bahasa... lain yang disoal, lain yang dijawab.

Orang orang tua ni lah antara puncanya kemunduran dan tiada majunya seni Melayu Singapura.

Mundur kerana masih di takuk lama. Masih gleaming and gloating in past success.

Tidak maju kerana tatkala ada yang muda hendak bertapak, tidak berganjak kerana ditepis.

Ingat encik... lagi dulu makan garam, lagi banyak makan garam..... lagi cepat mati kena darah tinggi...

Dari itu, macam diorang, aku pun nak buat tribute pada aktivis teater generasi 2000 yang telah, dan kemungkinan akan mati kerja seninya. Senang cakap, kena bunuh dengan orang tua.

Kalau tidak mereka, walau tiada seorang pun... aku akan sentiasa ingat korang...

Izzat Md Talib, Suhaimi Ahmad, Ridzuan Razak, Hisham Salim, Saiful Amri, Md Affan Md Noor, Zulfadhli Abu Mansoor, Md Fadlin M Saffri, Shahril Wahid, Raydza Rahman, Izzat Md Yusoff, Dalifah Shahril, Den Sabari, Khairul Hilmi, Fezhah Maznan, dan beberapa lagi aku tak teringat pasal time aku type ni mak aku masuk bilik aku nak sapu bilik.... nanti aku teringat aku tambah...

Kurang bakat kita? Entah lah.... biar Allah Ta'ala saja yang tahu....

Najib Soiman... the flag is with you...

I want...

2006-01-26T15:31:00.000+08:00

You can only plan but the results are God's will....

You can only wish but a shooting star is just another fragment...

You can always dream but waking up is imminent...

You can always ask but not all questions has an answer...

You can always request but there's also a word call rejection...

You can look forward but it only distracts you from the stones beneath your nose...

You can look back but a ghost's feet will never touch the ground...

There are so many things that you can do....

But what does it do if I can't get what I want....

And all I want is happiness for you and me....

I really want it....

Happy Birthday Darling..............

...runtime error...

2006-01-20T18:04:00.000+08:00

Call me lame
Call me slow
Call me weird
Call me sloth
Call me anything you want

I'm 26 this year and I know how the world works around me. Believe me I do... Even if I don't show it. Cos I don't believe in showing. Cos simply out of the 6 billion, only a handful knows me.... really really knows... And quite simply... the rest are just mere commodity whom I won't miss, rather I'll rejoice in any case that you're wiped out. Falter, sick, decompose rot or die..

I'm in a world of my own and so be it.

Goodbye cruel world.

Till next time....

Chicken Soup For The Soul

2006-01-03T10:01:00.000+08:00

Not too late to wish one and all a happy new year. Aarrghhh...!! So superficial of me... I never see it as something special. Not even a bit... nvm... happy new year all.

I’m darn jealous of people who can pick themselves up and go. Those who sees the new year in a new light. How I wish I can be like that. Put the past behind and step into a new chapter. I know I can too... but I’m such a weakling. So ashamed of myself. If I’m in a different body and looking at my current self... I would really give myself a good spanking.

I ended 2005 on a coffeeish bitter, sweet sour note. Bitter yet wakes me up. Sweet and sour has always been explanatory. Though sour tastebuds takes up almost the whole centre of your tongue while sweetness could only be sensed by the tip. So you can imagine how minimal that taste is.

Mentioned before, i banged into a 5 tonner truck just before the year end curtain came to a close. I was winded and wounded but not dead. Taught by the military that a leader should always lead with pride no matter how dead you are. So I did... I think I did a good job. But it took so much out of me that I didn’t got to sit and lick my wounds. The wounds soon turned into ugly rotten flesh slowly and surely eaten up by bacteria and maggots but I didn’t die still.

It then happened.. I didn’t ask for it but I’m thankful for it. Call it a miracle, call it God’s will... it just happened. The wounds got treated. Though not totally cleaned up, but it did not get any worse. It was painful... very painful to have your raw decaying flesh being dabbed and cleaned. Painful... yet you know you’re getting better. Day by day, they were looked into, taken care, cleaned and treated.... Oooouuuch!! It’s God Damn Painful but yet I need it so much. Not for myself, but all whom need me to be looked up upon. Call it a miracle, call it God’s will... I call it jumping into hot soup.

Hot soup. I didn’t ask for it... but I needed it... I’m in hot soup.

The event ended. So did I. With all the treatment and attention, I scalded myself and died. I’m happy that I died when everything’s over. I’m happy that I died with everyone’s oblivious about it. I’m happy that no one knows that I’m dead. I’ve asked around what I should do about it. But I forgot.. the people whom I asked had their near death experience but never really died to tell the tale. I got viewpoints and suggestions but not even one on HOW to do it... in the least painful way. I went through death, I won’t shiver to feel another pain. I just can’t bear to inflict them to the people who don’t deserve them. I would rather feel it then them... And it’s all MY fault.

I’m in hot soup... I don’t know what to do..................................... I really don’t.........

Korner Baring...

2005-12-29T11:09:00.000+08:00

"In the Blue Corner...!! Weighing 35 pounds... The Activist!!"

"In the Red Corner...!! Weighing 3500 pounds... The Public!!"

Ting Ting Ting!!

The activist: Aku tak peduli. Aku nak menang. Aku mesti menang! Ini periuk nasi aku. Periuk nasi yang lebih banyak makan kerak dari nasinya yang dimakan pembekal tong gasnya. Aku mesti menang! Biar apa orang kata. Biar apa orang rasa. Aku percaya pada diri aku sendiri. Aku mesti yakin dengan diri aku. Aku mesti pertahankan seni ku! Tidak aku, siapa lagi! Biar apa orang nak kata! Diorang tak duduk dalam kasut aku untuk merasakan apa yang aku rasa! Aku adalah aku! Kerja aku! Hidup aku! Aku! Aku! Aku! Kenapa kau sakit hati?

Dalam hidup dan dunia aku! Aku tidak perlu kau! Aku tidak perlu yang lain! Yang penting, janjinya aku suka. Aku bahagia! Kau semua tidak ada kena mengena dengan aku! Kau tidak bayar gaji aku! Kau tidak dodoikan aku bila aku ngantuk. Kau tidak suapkan nasi aku bila AKU lapar. Kau siapa nak bilang aku ni semua??!

Apa? Kau pun aktivis jugak? Kau hanya akan merosakkan market aku! Kau spoil market aku! Dari itu.. aku benci kau!! Eh.... tunggu.... kenapa aku mesti risau kalau kau spoil market aku? Ternyata tidak! Kau sedikit pun tidak akan spoil market aku! Sebabnya??!! Senang!! Kau tidak sebagus aku!! Kau hanya cendawan tumbuh selepas hujan yang beracun kalau aku makan dan tidak ada sebarang value langsung! Maka dari itu tidak ada sesiapa akan memetik kau!! Kau siapa?? Ah... masakan aku peduli... bila sudah nyata.. aku yang paling TERRER!!! Tidak ada yang lain lebih terrer dari AKU. Apa kau nak buat kau boleh buat. Tak ada kena mengena dengan aku, namun... aku have to admit... aku suka kutuk kau! Jadi teruskan berseni!! Jikalau tidak ada orang macam kau... tak akan ada orang untuk aku kutuk!! Teruskan!! Hidup SENI!!

The Public: Dah lah tiket mahal... baik aku pergi tengok wayang... Aku nak pergi tengok cerita yang aku suka. Yang aku rasa worth duit tiket yang aku keluarkan. Yang aku rasa worth bayar lebih sikit dari tengok wayang tapi duduk kat bangku keras.

Janji cerita dia faham, aku suka, tak membosankan dan dapat meninggalkan kesan bila aku keluar panggung. Itu pun bukan kesan deep deep... janji, lepas tengok show aku boleh lepak dengan members and cerita pasal experience tengok show tu. Aku sumpah tak peduli lampu kau sikit ke, baju korang hitam ke, line kau berbunga penuh makna ke, cerita deep deep ke... abih kalau aku tak faham nak buat apa siak??!! Kau nak educate aku pasal menonton teater? Tolong lah educate aku untuk dapatkan degree, so aku dapat kerja lagi besar gajinya. Bukan pasal nak faham line kau, blocking kau, energy kau... Yang penting... aku faham cerita kau.. aku suka... full stop. Oh sorry tambah sikit.... AKU bayar gaji kau...

So amaciam sekarang? Sejuk lah berendam... apa kata kalau... Kita Minum Dulu!!

Entah

2005-12-23T12:00:00.000+08:00

Dah lama...
Entah bila yang terakhir..
Aku tak ingat..
Tak pernah nak ingat...
Hari ni ia terjadi lagi...
Ia pernah terjadi..
Aku tahu..
Sebab itu ada perkataan deja vu...

Aku masih belum berhenti
terasa masin linangan air
menyentuh bibir birat aku

Matters of the Heart...

2005-12-21T09:34:00.000+08:00

"heheheh.... feeling lah Ajit. apa salah kan feeling-feeling...? Aku bukannya budak budak lagi. Bukannya nak kena belajar untuk exam ke atau ada kerja sekolah nak buat. Kalau itu time aku nak feeling feeling... memang nak kena jotos kepala aku"

Persoalan hati... Matters of the heart....

Dalam bahasa Melayu, heart tu apa? Jawapan: Jantung.
Dalam bahasa omputih, hati tu apa? Jawapan: Liver

So amaciam sekarang? Hati ke Jantung? Heart ke Liver? Sama jugak... dua dua boleh jahanam kalau kita bermain dengan perasaan. Adakah entry ni adalah entry pasal feeling feeling anjing? Tidak beb... ia pasal jantung aku yang hampir jahanam pasal perasaan.

Manusia ni pelik tapi interesting. Benda benda yang tidak kelihatan, senang cakap, tidak ada kewujudannya dari segi fizik dan kimia, mampu menghentam hidup dan perasaan manusia bak dilanda 5 tonner, atau sekecil bulu hidung dihinggap hama. Terlalu besar... terlalu kecil.. tetapi tetap meninggalkan kesan. Bagi aku sekarang, aku terasa bagai berlanggar 3 tonner tanpa pemandu, full speed..... aku yang full speed, 3 tonner tu tak bergerak.

GEDEGANG!!! aduuu... sakitnya.... selepas aku melanggar lori tersebut.

Sakit... pedih... lebam... sesak nafas... hampa... kecewa... keliru.... sedih... tapi, aku juga yang nak sangat langgar. Memang padan kan dengan muka sendiri?

So sekarang amaciam? Honestly beb... aku tak larat. 3 tonner ini dah banyak memamah jantung aku.... banyak sekali... diburukkan lagi bila terasa sakitnya, aku tekan lagi dengan asap rokok... makin lah jahanam. Bodoh... tahupun.... tapi aku tak peduli.. pasal aku dah tak larat sangat..

Hari ni hari rabu... lagi 3 hari sahaja. Sebelum aku lupa, aku nak ucap terima kasih kepada semua yang sudi memapah aku sampai ke garisan penamat. Tenkiuk geng. Aku mintak maaf kalau aku susahkan korang. Aku tahu aku susahkan korang. Tapi korang kenal aku... aku mana ada peduli... heheheh..

Lepas 3 hari yang disebutkan, aku takkan susahkan korang lagi. Walau masih tak larat, aku akan bangun sendiri dan jalan terus. Korang carry on lah dengan hidup korang. Aku amat berterima kasih dengan korang. Aku akan jalan terus dan cuba tak mahu tengok belakang. Aku penat... jantung aku tak kuat, darah tak jalan betul... takde oksigen masuk kepala otak... buat aku lemah.. aku ngantuk... aku nak cari tempat nak tidur... Bila aku tidur, korang jangan kacau aku. Aku tidur sebab aku taknak kacau korang. So... you scrub my back I scrub yours. Makin aku nampak korang, makin sedih... makin confuse... makin racau... Entahlah!! Aku pun tak tau rasa macam gini ni rasa dia macam mana..... macam siak ah...

Ada umur.. kita berjumpa lagi.
Den Sabari: Partner in crime. Crime is unlawful. Kita kena tangkap. Kita kena lokap. Water tested. Results will be up.

Apit: Aku selalu buat orang ketawa. Tapi kau buat aku ketawa. Laughter is the best medicine. Terima kasih many many.

Ajit: Aku selalu buat orang ketawa. Apit buat aku ketawa. Kau buat kita semua ketawa. Musibot betul. Mereka mereka yang memapah aku, engkaulah yang memapah mereka.

Haz: Aku don't seem to be able to hilang dari pandangan kau. Bertahun, mana mana aku pergi, tup tup, keluar aje muka kau. Hahahhaha.... aku harap kau suka. Ada umur, kita jumpa lagi... mesti punyer...

Painah: Wak Dud Bali Bomber memang dah lama nak berlakon dengan kau. Tetapi, apakan daya. Aku juga tidak mahu menambahkan kesusahan kau, dengan bersparring dengan aku, dalam keadaan begini. Aku akan senantiasa mendoakan kebahagiaan kau. Pintaku hanyalah satu, janganlah kau sesekali menyangsikan kepercayaan pada kau selama ini.

Sheereen: I love you many many darling... I know Adib longer than you do, but if he's ever naughty, I will always be by your side.

Shasha: I never want anything to end. But all good things comes to an end. But in our mini mind bubble, we know that nothing in this world ends. There's always a new chapter, a sequel, an epilogue, encore, etc... but... will never be the same. Love you darlz..

Terima kasih, ada umur kita berjumpa lagi.

Another turning point
A fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist
Directs you where to go
So make the best of this test and don't ask why
It's not a question but a lesson learnt in time
It's something unpredictable
But then again it's right
I hope you had the time of your life........

I hope you had the time of your life.....

Horlick Milo Kopi Teh (part II) Sentiasa manis, berbeza perisa…

2005-12-19T14:25:00.000+08:00

Yet again another entry. Bagi mereka yang suka meminum minuman yang masih panas sehingga tidak terasa perisa, zat dan berkat melainkan lecuran di hujung lidah.

It’s a story about love.... oooh love... mengapa diketengahkan? Lumrah! Biasa! Normal! Boring! Oooh... love it. Se lumrah mana pun, love... merupakan antara satu inti pati mata pencarian hidup. Ia merangkumi sebahagian besar aspek penghidupan, dari seumum mencintai tuhan, sehinggalah se kecil mencintai benda yang mati, macam bantal busuk aku yang masih sentiasa setia menemani aku. One of the cutest lady I’ve ever known, talks to her pillow when she’s down. So sweeeet....

So... what’s so special that you have to piece it up into a play? Don’t you think people will get sick and tired of watching performances of this content?

Have they....?

I’ve watched movies of love when I still have yet to grow hair on my legs and till now they’re running rampant everywhere. Aku gelisah tengok cerita Azura, geli hati tengok Ali Setan, sebak tengok Titanic, terbahak tengok Gila-Gila Pengantin Remaja, Terpegun tengok Sembilu, menangis tengok Forrest Gump, termuntah tengok E.C. Ooooh.... Love...

Aku bukan seorang artis berprinsip egoistik untuk mempertahankan kerja seni aku, sebab aku tak percaya dengan artis yang proclaim, “this is art” bila mengesat tahi hidungnya pada seketul batu berlian. Aku tidak pernah sesekali terasa yang aku ini artis dari bidang seni apa pun. Tidak sama sekali! Aku bukan artis! Aku tidak ada ijazah seni dari mana mana universiti... tidak bertauliah untuk bergelar artis dan tidak sedikit pun membutuhkannya. Qualification aku stop kat diploma tak laku Information Studies dan aku tetap tidur bila mengantuk dan makan apabila lapar.

Dari itu, cerita ini bukanlah cerita berlendir drama swasta kat TV, sandiwara SBC jam 4:30petang tiap Ahad tahun 89 mahupun opera sabun shooting dalam studio untuk cerita beratus episod.

Tak seorang pun pelakon aku yang butuh untuk menjadi artis mahupun perasan artis. Kecuali satu atau dua, yang lainnya berwajah yang tak mungkin memegang watak, walaupun assistant pelakon extra, dalam rancangan drama-drama TV tempatan. Tetapi, kita masih bersemangat untuk melihat minuman minuman hangat ini dihirup dengan penuh perisa oleh mereka yang sudi meng”order”nya.

Dan sebab-sebabnya ialah:

Mencelikkan mata mereka yang tidak sedar diri...Apa?? Bukan kau yang membaca ni???!! Kalau kau sedar diri kau... kau tak akan terasa yang kau bukan seorang darinya. Hanya mereka yang tidak sedar diri lah yang rasa mereka sentiasa sedar diri mereka. Tak faham? Jangan kata sedar diri beb.... lu koma terus pun baik.

Menyedarkan para aktivis teater bahawa ia adalah perkara lumrah untuk terasa “kita sahaja yang betul”, “aku boleh buat lagi bagus”, production orang lain takkan pernah lebih bagus dari production kita... kita... kita... dan kami semua..

Mat Reka, Asan Teater, Kamil dan Art Sikit. 4 Orang aktivis teater yang merasakan mereka adalah terbaik dalam bidang mereka... (petikan dari “Drama Radio” VIA IV).

It’s a cruel world and you can’t please everybody..... sounds very much like the explanation of the word, LOVE.... ooooh...

Horlick Milo Kopi Teh

2005-12-17T02:22:00.000+08:00

1st and foremost, terima kasih Abang Mokhtar yang setia menantikan update terkini. Appreciate it very much.

Horlick Milo Kopi Teh... sentiasa manis berbeza perisa.

Tulus ikhlas... jangan lah mengharapkan cerita ini sebagai satu pementasan hebat. Tidak sama sekali. Aku bukan nak cover my own ass... tapi ini komen sejujur-jujurnya. Projek "Remaja" Kami. Pengarah baru, mengarah pelakon-pelakon baru.... what do you expect man?!!

Meh aku explain kepada semua yang membaca, sebelum korang menonton. 1st explanation, the play in general:

Cerita ini adalah peristiwa harian....dan pernah dan selalu terjadi. If it's boring, then it is boring. Cos if life is interesting, you won't need any other form of entertainment. Including TV, plays and movies. Adakah TV itu real? Movie? Real....? Tapi semua suka kan? Tanya diri sendiri..... suka kepada sesuatu yang tak real.... menipukah diri sendiri? Adakah hidup kau dimamah conflict setiap kurang satu jam? Setiap 5 minit...? Setengah jam?

Video terlalu panjang.... Mungkin kerana aku makan masa yang lebih panjang memprosesnya. Cerita hindustan takde orang komplen pulak.

Tiap setengah jam cerita P Ramlee mesti ada part nyanyi nyanyi... Tak pernah pulak aku tengok dia nyanyi suku atau setengah lagu aje...

Teater sekarang lebih kontemporari. Ada cara caranya.... lesser black out, variety of use for different media. Kalau aku tahu tu semua... aku tak kerja gahmen lagi. Aku duduk sebelah yusof haslam. Tapi... cemana "Villa Singa" and "Tun Fatimah" boleh main kat Victoria Theatre?

Lepas scene dekni, kau tengok, mesti ada video clip lagi. Expected. Aku pun tahu, walaupun lawan dengan beribu soldier, Rambo tetap tak mati pe....

Video tak selari dengan scene... macam tak kena gitu. Ok... maybe betul. Tapi korang bilang aku... macam mana superman boleh terbang? batman jatuh dari building tak mati? Adegan tembak menembak dalam cerita hindustan, tak seorang polis pun yang datang investigate?

Ok... ada faham?

Sekarang we go line by line. Here goes....

AJIT: Lawa jugak budak ni, Abih nick setep jambu aje... baby girl konon.
Kepada semua, jangan lah step jambu yang keterlaluan...

AJIT: Kalau ada motif, baik ada agenda terus, buat mesyuarat terus.
APIT: Apa kata kita berbual?
Mesyuarat orang Melayu penuh dengan perbualan kosong persis duduk bersembang di kedai kopi.

ANWAR: Qualification aku stop kat diploma aje.
Walau dengan diploma, aku masih mencari haluan hidup dalam dunia penuh materialistik.

ANWAR: Bersaing dengan bakat luar negeri. Nak amik degree aku takde duit.
Bakat luar negeri di bayar lebih murah. Aku takde duit nak amik degree. Apatah lagi degree atau diploma in theatre studies. So jangan harap cerita aku ni standard lima bintang.

APIT: Kotak simen 4 persegi. Kotak besi 4 persegi. Kotak melopong 4 persegi.
Our rigid way of life.

APIT: Saya tak rasa diorang banyak mengomel, besar-besarkan masalah yang kecil kecil, pandai masak, pandai jaga rumah, pandai amik hati, tak kisah kalau saya tidak ada kereta, motor atau tatu di badan.
Not even 10% of the females i met.

ANWAR: At least takde sikit pun part nama aku yang tak digunakan langsung.
Nama Jaafar, panggil Jeff. Nama Tengku Puteri Nursyafirah Hazirah, panggil je girl.

Scene Ali Setan
Cerita Ali Setan tak real, tapi cerita dia tetap evergreen.... pelik tak?

PUTERI: Awak tak boleh macam tu , awak lelaki mesti kena pandai main bola. Nanti bila dah besar, kalau awak tak tahu main bola, takde perempuan nak dengan awak.
Jangan nak bohong korang tak pernah kena. Kalau korang nak matair, mesti main untuk school team. At least pun, join dikir barat. Yang lain, orang pandang sebelah mata aje..

ANWAR: Kita plan macam nak rak pun end up sama jugak.
Cerita TK tak pernah berubah.

AJIT: Kalau tak sedih, orang pun tak kisah. Buat penat aje kita cerita kat orang. Buat penat aje kita buat show ni.
Self explanatory....

AJIT: Kita minum dulu!!!
Orang Melayu takkan lepas dari hidup sambil lewa walaupun dilanda berjuta masalah.

My darling Puteri dikata berdialog macam Erra Fazira. Kalau tak salah aku, dia pernah menang award. A twenty year old girl to emulate that is an achievement. Awak tu saya tak pernah nampak menang award... kalau ada pun saya tak perasan.

Aku dah ngantuk. Nanti ada lagi, aku tulis. Selamat malam.

No democracy. Hanya ada kuku besi. Kalau garuk diri sendiri, mesti terkoyak isi.

You can't please everybody, it's a cruel world.
Then I'll please the people whom deserves it. If it ain't a cruel world, then it's called heaven. Seen it?

...bbbbllbbuubbblubbb....

2005-12-15T17:03:00.000+08:00

I'm in no mood for so many things. No mood to work. No mood to walk. No mood to talk. No mood to write. No no no.... I just want to sleep by a windy beach under a shady tree only in my shorts with constant supply of ice cold coke and packs of winner. Sleep whole day and night... only to wake up with winning eleven waiting for me. Twist my thumbs till it gets numb and thus has to stop. Continue sleeping for in my dreams I'll get to see things I want to see...

Windows of opportunity are slowly cracking down on me...

Letting it flow...

2005-11-25T10:49:00.000+08:00

Humans are complicated creatures. Just have a look at the anatomy of one. What about the psychology and physiology. The senses and feelings. The left and the right. The upbringing. The downfall. The nose and tooth. The nerve and spine. The influence due to confluence. Many many more.....

Yet Humans are just too darn simple. I did not even spot one when browsing google earth.

I find this interesting.

The Earth rotates on it's axis but yet humans makes it goes round.

A star is born, burns and dies but yet humans makes one for their own.

The sun rises and shines from the east and sets in the west but yet humans makes it shines brighter and hotter and will soon sets in the east.

A river flows down a mountain and turns into a pond, there will be fish. But yet humans turns a pond into a mountain of dead fish.

The sea, rugged or calm will meet the shore, but yet humans leave the shore to meet the sea.

A tree with or without leaves will always be a tree but yet humans never leaves a tree without a leaf to clean his pee.

The wind blows breezy or fury but yet humans blow hot and cold shakes his world.

A poppy all nice and cheery, but yet humans got it high and teary.

What goes up must come down, but yet humans hardly touches the ground.

All roads lead to Rome and when in Rome, do as the Romans does, but yet humans creates their own empires.

Humility is expected of humanity. Try to learn something from a human with the most humble of character and he will think you're stupid. Though you already know by heart 80/20 but keeping it there to reach for the extra 20. And when you're done with the course and exercising the first 10 of the 80 not even touching 1 out of the 20, the human will be smiling widely. For he feels, he has changed your life.

And then there was light...

I am..

2005-11-22T17:27:00.000+08:00

I am damn shack....

It's either I got too many things to do or I'm just turning weak. Honest man... Remedial Training does wonders to your health. Haha! Honest..

Been quite some time since I last updated my blog. Maybe cos there wasn't much interesting happenings so far. Don't talk to me bou Raya. It was only a one day affair. One side says... darn... have to wait one more year and another monthe of fasting. The other says... selamat! Tak payah kasi bebudak duit raya! Haha!

Horlick Milo Kopi Teh has been progressing fine.. I'm not nervous. At all. Just a bit worried. Nvm, will talk about it when I'm ready with the publicity poster and flyers and also when the whole project's wrapped up.

Work sucks. Full stop.

Too many things to do, wanna do.... too little time. I bought for myself "Age of Empires III". Woohoo!! The cover's nice. The trailer intro's graphics are nice too... That's pretty much I can say about the game.... so far...

Eyes constantly red due to lack of sleep. Nothing to do with Insomnia. Would love to have it. Either that or just give me a full 24 hours of rain, my bantal busuk and my bed.

Cash running low.... Darn the advance pay.

Dearest camera and fleshynbouncy has been supporting my spine.

Met up with old friends at Wawa's wedding. Though I'm heartless, I kinda miss them. So happy to see them. Met another old friend at my workplace. He just started working here too.. kewl.

Boring update huh? Sit in my shoes and see if you can write better.

Merry Christmas yall..

Aku..

2005-11-15T15:08:00.000+08:00

Aku tengah stress dengan kerja gahmen aku.

Aku tengah stress dengan BOS kerja teater aku.

siak..... hisap rokok pun baik....

Aku tengah stress dengan duit aku yang makin sikit pasal asyik beli rokok.

siak.....

pedulik ah

Hari Raya

2005-11-02T23:53:00.000+08:00

Selamat Hari Raya

Akhirnya tiba hari raya. Raya...

Tadi aku terduduk di bumbung Joo Chiat Complex menantikan waktu berbuka.

Tatkala azan maghrib tanda berbuka berkumandang, aku tidak terus membatalkan puasaku. Beberapa perkara terlintas dalam kepala otak ku... bersilih ganti.. amat memeningkan.. amat mengelirukan... amat sedih...

Suara azan menandakan...
Tamat bulan Ramadhan. Begitulah juga tamat masanya syaitan dan iblis diikat. Dengan suara azan itu, aku terbayang laungan kekata MERDEKA dan berduyun-duyun berterbangan mereka kembali dalam hidup kita meneruskan misi menyesatkan. Aku takut setakut takutnya. Seluruh bulan Ramadhan ini aku tidak melakukan sesuatu untuk menebalkan iman aku. tersengih sengih makhluk halus ini melihat aku dan aku seakan terasa mereka berkata... "Amacam Anwar? Macam bulan lepas jugak kau eh? Takde beza je.. kita jumpa lagi... sahabatku...."

Suara azan menandakan...
Berakhir bulan barakah. Seluruh bulan ini kita disyorkan beribadah dan mengumpul pahala. Bulan yang mana pahalanya bagai ditabur untuk kita mengambil kesempatan mengumpulnya. Adakah sekali kali aku berusaha? Mahupun sedikit sahaja tenaga ku keluarkan sekadar memungutnya? Apatah lagi mengumpulnya..? Gerun.... rasanya seperti... tiada... oh shit...

Suara azan menandakan...
Tamat bulan Ramadhan. Mungkinkah panjang umurku untuk menginjak bulan Ramadhan seterusnya?

Suara azan menandakan...
Pulangnya roh roh mereka yang telah pergi sebelum kita ke liang liang kubur mereka setelah diberi pelepasan sebulan dari siksa kubur. Sepanjang bulan ini, adakah aku teringat akan mereka? Bersedekah kepada mereka? Rasanya tidak... dan sekarang mereka telah kembali ke hidupan harian mereka tanpa sempat aku berjasa kepada mereka-mereka yang aku sayangi. Mereka kembali ke kubur untuk disiksa, sedangkan waktu mereka dilepaskan, sedikit pun aku tidak teringat kepada mereka. Alangkah sedihnya para roh yang mengharapkan belas kita...

Suara azan menandakan..
Tiba Hari Raya. Aku teringatkan mereka yang masih hidup tetapi sudah tidak bersama. Mereka yang pernah beraya dengan aku suatu masa dahulu. Kawan kawan yang sudah hilang entah kemana... Rakan rakan yang sudah tidak mengaku bersaudara... atau sekadar hilang begitu sahaja. Aku masih terkenangkan Aisha. Tidak dapat dinafikan aku rindu dia sangat. Kalau tak kerana aku, mungkin tak jadi begini. Aku jahat. Aku sentiasa berdoa akan kebahgiaannya walaupun segala pahalaku ditukar ganti. Menyesalku tak sudah... hingga diriku dimamah tanah.

Suara azan menandakan
Besok Hari Raya... kena kasi duit raya...

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri
Maaf Zahir dan Batin

Options vs Choices

2005-10-31T13:01:00.000+08:00

I prefer options,

I hate choices.

Options let you choose with considerations to weigh. Most times at hardly lose situation. Even if you chose the wrong option, it was your choice. You weighed it first before deciding and so the repercussions are not much anyone else's fault. You chose the right one, you'll never think of the other option ever gain.

Choices gives you no choice. One or the other. Either you like both or hate either. You made your choice, you won't know it's the right one and still thinking of the other option. If it's really the wrong one, you'll regret the rest of your life. If you chose the right one, you sympathise the other one.

Forget my previous entry. I can't be involved with Pesta Raya. I'm not a star. I'm not artiste. I'm not well known. I'm not famous. I'm not a high flyer. I'm not an activist. I'm not and I'm aware of that. I'm not like those whom are not but think whom they are. I'm a practitioner. That too I practice rather than practise. To be given a chance to step into only the Theatre Studio in the Centre of Performing Arts is an achievement and honour I'll never forget. To work with Rafaat Hamzah, Najib Soiman, Big, Den Sabari, Adib Kosnan, Acit and Firdaus Rahman is a one time affair that will never happen again. But.... I can't even get a chance to smell the musty side curtains.

I'll be involved with the library's Hari Raya event instead. It's not an option. I have no choice. The people and the makciks have pushed me far enough.

I'm quitting this job.

Kini tiba masanya....

2005-10-26T14:25:00.000+08:00

Ada dua lagu yang terlintas dalam kepala hotak aku yang bermula dari kekata bagi title entry ni. Dua duanya lagu raya... Satu lagu P. Ramlee. Lagi satu lagu Rafeah Buang... agaknya ah. Time lagu tu di publish, aku belum lahir lagi. Hehheeh...

Kini tiba masanya... apa? Nak raya ke? Ye lah... memang nak raya, ni entry bukan pasal raya. Kalau ada umur panjang, tiap tiap tahun akan berhari raya. Tapi benda ni, walaupun ada umur sampai kiamat pun tapi takde peluang, takkan dapat cium bau pun.
Aku tengah semangat ni.. semangat nah... Dah dekat setahun since last aku terkinja kat pentas. Tahun ni, semua show aku masa cium cium touch and go aje. Tapi dah nak dekat hujung tahun ni, rezeki datang pulak. Alhamdulillah.

Ok geng, aku tahu tak ramai yang baca blog aku ni sebab time kecik kecik mak bapak diorang tak pernah sepak muka diorang, tak pernah kena lempar kapur dan duster dengan cikgu sekolah, tak pernah kena rotan jari pasal lidi tertunjuk salah huruf, tak pernah kena lempang pasal salah tajwid dan tertidur atas muqaddam, tak pernah kena touch the tree and come back in twenty seconds that started 15 seconds ago.... dan macam macam lagi... kesian eh diorang ni?
Dan dari yang tak ramai yang membaca, aku pun tahu cuma berapa kerat je yang suka tengok kerja kerja seni bodoh yang lebih mahal dari tiket wayang. Tapi...... pi mampus. Aku tak peduli. Nak bilang jugak!!

Projek hujung tahun yang melibatkan aku terlibat..

26hb November
8 mlm
Rafaat Hamzah "Gua Cakap Dengan Lu... Siapa Kata Puisi itu Boring?"
Esplanade Theatre StudioTiket
$20 ketik..

23hb Disember 8mlm
24 hb Disember 3ptg & 8mlm
"Horlick Milo Kopi Teh"
Teater Kami Black Box Studio
Tiket
$12 ketik..

Packing kan timing...?? Mesti penat... tapi aku akan menjanjikan persembahan terbaik dari aku dan kengkawan aku. Tapi takpe... penat pun penat lah... Pasrah pun Pasrah lah Painah... Joker just joking... Joker not working... as an assistant chef that makes $2500.

peekaboo.... i'm coming to get you... yum yum...

Melayu lagi....

2005-10-20T13:13:00.000+08:00

Lagi lagi cerita pasal Melayu...

Bermasalah sangat ke Melayu ni...? Aku sebagai seorang Melayu "celup", dengan bangganya menjawab... Ya betul!!

Tak payah la aku nak elaborate tentang masalah Melayu yang berjela jela panjangnya dan tak akan tamat edisi cetakannya. Aku nak sentuh tentang bahasa Melayu yang hangat diperkatakan dewasa ini. Tapi sebelum aku teruskan, ingin sekali aku menitik beratkan bahawa, aku ini orang Melayu dan menulis tentang bangsa aku sendiri, yakni Bangsa Melayu! Disclaimer.. jadi orang tak ingat aku racist blogger... cheh!

Bahasa Melayu.

Pada aku, bahasa Melayu ini adalah bahasa yang amat indah. Ini diutarakan sendiri oleh para pengkaji bahasa, penilik bahasa, pengguna bahasa dan aku menerima banyak maklum balas tentang keindahan bahasa ini melalui para pengunjung khutub khanah tempat aku bekerja. Terutama sekali para pengunjung ke aras sebelas perpustakaan negara, yang juga merupakan ruang kumpulan buku-buku dan khazanah Singapura dan Asia Tenggara.

Aku bukannya seorang yang fasih mahupun mahir dalam kajian dan pengajian bahasa, tetapi aku tetap menyintai bahasa aku. Aku memegang teguh ungkapan Bahasa Jiwa Bangsa dan Bahasa menunjukkan Bangsa. Kerana, selain bangsa kita, tiada lagi bangsa lain yang menggunakan bahsa Melayu mahupun tersentuh untuk mendalaminya. Hilang sudah masanya di mana bahasa kita merupakan bahasa perantaraan, lingua franca, daerah nusantara ini.

Dewasa ini, tersebut alkisah tentang kemerosotan penggunaan bahasa Melayu tertib di khalayak rakyat jelata. Di cemuhnya mereka yang tidak menggunakannya sepenuh tatabahasanya, di tomahnya mereka yang memperjuangkannya. Camni.... bila mau game beb??!! One corner, pengguna bahasa pasar. The other corner, pencinta bahasa taksub. Tunggu apa lagi...? Round one! Fight.... ROund two.. fight... round.... berapa raound pun takkan habis. Labu Labi pun tak berboksing sampai tu macam punya lama daa....

Satu benda aku admit kat korang... aku tak suka bahasa Baku. Chip Paat kata ini lah penipuan paling besar dan aku menyokongnya. Aku tak percayakan bahasa baku dan aku tak menggunakannya. Bahkan aku membenci mereka yang menggunakannya kerana terpaksa, untuk bahas sekolah lah.. untuk pas oral exam la... gua very the hate man!! Lebih-lebih lagi, mereka mereka yang membakukan perkataan dari bahasa Inggeris dan digunakannya dalam kosa kata bahasa Melayu. Kalau dah bahasa Inggeris yang kita tak ada perkataannya, cakap aje lah perkataan inggerisnya. Bermuka muka membakukannya. Ni lah kes, pinjam tak kasi balik, pastu cakap, tu benda sendiri punya. Typical Melayu traits... hah! Talk about Piracy and intellectual property...

Dear brothers and sisters of Malayo. Hear me speak dan buka minda pemikiran seluas luasnya. Aku tidak menyalahkan mereka yang 100% berbahasa pasar mahupun menyokong yang 100% berbahasa surat. I'm not sitting on the fence here sebab harapkan pagar, pagar selalu makan padi. Kita sebagai orang Melayu. Dalami lah bahasa kita sendiri. Tahu kan sepenuhnya inti, isi, kulit dan kerak bahasa kita sebelum kita memandai berkecahkannya. Sebab, kalau tidak kita, siapa lagi yang akan meneruskan penggunaan bahasa serba indah ini. Sekali lagi aku berseru, dalami lah bahasa kita. Pemerintah mengalu-alukan pelajaran yang cohesive. Kita digalakkan melangkah maju. Tetapi yang asas jangan kita lupakan. Dari kita hanya memilih satu, bukankah lebih baik memilih lebih? Bukankah itu juga tabiat orang Melayu yang sememangnya tamak? Pilihlah berkebolehan berbahasa Melayu and at the same time, master conversational English atau apa apa pun bahasa yang lain. Be Bilingual, Trilingual, atau berapa apa sahaja. Jangan jadi Jack of All Trades Master of None. Bila dah selesa, baru lah elok untuk berbahasa pasar ke... koprak ke... bertabur ke... hape hape je... Yang penting, asas mesti ada. Dan yang lebih penting lagi... tahu menggunakan yang mana dalam situasi yang sebagai mana. Tulus ikhlas aku cakap, aku takkan tengok cerita hanyut atau anak metropolitan yang all the way cakap 100% Malay baku, dan aku juga takkan menonton rancangan sarian berita yang berbahasa pasar.

Asas / Basic. Pengetahuan / Knowledge. Penggunaan / Application. Masa dan Tempat / Time and Location. Keadaan / Situation. Keep these in mind jikalau kau benar benar seorang yang berguna. Jikalau tidak kepada masyarakat, nusa, bangsa dan agama.... sekurang kurangnya, berguna untuk diri sendiri dan ahli keluarga. Kalau matrep sukun dan betinanya tak faham apa yang aku cakap ni, aku pun tak kisah, pasal aku doubt yang kau tahu cemana nak eja tahi.

So amaciam geng? Boleh.....?

Saja je nak taruk gambar ni... cantikkan?

The Makciks has done it again!!

2005-10-07T17:40:00.000+08:00

The blardey makciks are up to it again.. and they're freaking getting on my nerves. Dugaan puasa tu memanglah dugaan. Tapi dugaan tu tetap nak ditempuh. Aku tak step hero ah nak cakap dugaan tu senang. Kalau senang, bukan dugaan kan?

Makcik 1: The only 1 available on a particular day and therefore I assigned her a tour on that day. Die die argue dowan to guide the tour for her own reasons.

Makcik 2: "My boy, this room is for you to play.. enjoy yourself! :) On one condition. Do no open that door... do not open this door... do not dirty the place.. i set the rules here.. do not.... do not... don't.... do not.... bla bla bla.... don't..."

Makciks 3: Workers of a private company hired by my company. Asked them along for the last Family Day organised by my company. Therefore not being considered our staff, they had to pay a sum of money to join, if they want to. Whereas staff are allowed to join in free of charge. And so I asked these makciks along. Kalau tak ajak kecik hati pulak. They had to pay $5 each which I think is reasonable considering it includes meal and free flow of drinks and games of the event, including admission and free shuttle service to Sentosa Island. It's a treat don't you think so??? After the event, they complained to me that they're not eligible for the door gifts and lucky draws and demanded a refund. Mind you, their passes to the event are under my payroll and they pay cash to me. Now that they want refund, I decided to return their money back on the expenses of my October pay. All 37 pieces of of shit of them... That makes $185 bucks in total. Blardey hell... Why don't all these people just die and tak menyusahkan orang...

AARRGH!!! Mi goreng...!!! I lurve you....!!! AAAARGHH!!!

2005-10-03T11:12:00.000+08:00

Dulu pernah aku ceritakan. Dalam masa yang teramat jarang sekali, aku berada kat rumah dan nak enjoy nasik aku depan TV. Sekali kluar cerita Hindustan plak…

Baru semalam terjadi lagi. Time time kebulur lepas RT, aku pun isi lah pinggan aku dengan Mi Hoon Goreng karya Mak aku. Ditambah lagi dengan lada jeruk hijau. Amat menyelarakan…! Aku pun bawak pinggan aku dengan 1.5 liter botol air putih sejuk dan mulakan misi aku melicinkan pinggan di depan TV. Selerakan…??

Sekali, terpampang plak di kaca tv, siaran ulangan rancangan peraduan nyanyian terhit masakini. Aisehman… spoil my day man… baru nak melantak mi goreng penuh perisa, dan aku dianugerahkan dengan rancangan ni depan mata aku.

Hey.. memang ada orang minat, ada jugak yang tak. Aku tak minat sikit pun, bukan itu sahaja. Aku tak suka! Orang peh pasal ah nak suka ke tak. Aku pun dengan tangkasnya, melawan adab makan nenek moyang dan bergegas ke dapur. Alamat akan banyak lah binik aku. Eh ingat best eh banyak bini…? Cuba la try kalau ingat best sangat..

Aku tak suka rancangan yang aku maksudkan tadi. Ada beberapa sebab. 1st… Aku kesian. Aku kesian dengan mereka mereka yang bersungguh sungguh ambil bahagian. Kesian sebab pasal diorang tak banyak members, so takde orang nak undi dia. Kesian pasal dah sungguh sungguh, kena tendang dari peraduan. Memang AdaT pe, dalam peraduan… Ada yang berssungguh sungguh tapi kalah. Kesian.. Ada yang nampak macho, pastu nangis… kesian…

Bukan sahaja yang kalah, aku jugak kesian dengan yang menang. Punya lah sungguh sungguh nak menang. Gumbira sakan bila menang. Aku kesiankan diorang ni bertungkus lumus bertanding hanya untuk mendapatkan hadiah dan perform konsert Hari Raya kelak.

Aku kesian jugak yang kena tendang pasal pernah main game ni. Yang aku takleh angkat. Member main game ni SEPULUH tahun dulu sak!! Tu pun bukan dapat 1st prize. Abih tak boleh take part this time around. Lain lah kalau sebab dia main game ni dulu pastu dia jadi fofular. Tak apa… pas dia main dulu… dia pun ntah ke mana pasal takde peluang lagik. Apa salah member tu try lagi..? Bukannya dia main tahun lepas ke…? Dua tahun lepas ke…? SEPULUH tahun sak!! Time tu aku masih pakai seluar sekolah singkat takut kena kapur kasut lagi..

Lagi yang buat aku tak suka adalah para pengadilnya. Aku personally rasa this “American Idol” judging system is getting to much to comfort. Orang Melayu ni memang suka ikut ikut. Bila dah ikut, mulalah merepek. Aku ingat lagi satu judge “image consultant” ni cakap dengan satu contestant. Pasal dia pakai attire kurang mahal. Sumthing like this…”Penampilan awak kurang sesuai untuk peraduan sebegini. Saya hanya akan pakai macam ni kalau saya bertanding kat Community Centre aje…” Mak aih… kesian sak mamat tu blow.. Kalau aku, aku jawab balik sak. “Mintak mahap sajelah Ecnhe’ pengadil, saya orang biasa. Tak mampu belik pakaian mahal mahal dan cantik semana. Sebab itu nama saya Anwar Hadi bin Ramli. Bukan Anwar Hadi bin Glamour”.

Lagi satu aku takleh angkat bila satu contestant ni nyanyi lagu Ferhad. Agaknya, pasal asyik kena kutuk aje ataupun dia sengaja nak menyindir Ferhad, itu Wallahuaalam. So this time dia bagi komen “baik” sikit. “Nyanyian awak power! Lagi bagus dari Ferhad!” Mampus… Komen tak lojik sak… kalau dah lagi bagus dari Ferhad…. Apa cerita sak Ferhad kerja susah payah sampai kena pergi negeri orang? Dah macam lebih kurang, takde N level tapi kerja tolong chef dapat gaji lagi besar dari orang ada diploma kerja dengan Gamen..

Last but not least… aku menyampah tengok rancangan ni pasal penontonnya yang langsung sedikit pun tak bertamadun. Memekak…. Nama aje orang Singapura. Nama aje educated. Tapi tak tahu membezakan auditorium dengan stadium.

Susah betul nak isi borang ni.. apa kata kau tolong aku baca fine print dia. Aku dah tak sabar ni nak perform konsert hari raya. Tak sabar nak bergelar artis ni...

Aku sombong pasal aku peramah

2005-09-30T11:33:00.000+08:00

Leceh jadi orang confuse ni eh....?

Tapi beb, gua tak confuse. Gua bingit aje. Aku tak suka bilang orang siapa dan apa aku. Biar orang yang menilai. Mak aku kata dulu, jangan sombong riak dan takbur nanti jadi macam adiputra cerita Sumpah Semerah Padi. Setiap kata mak aku, aku pegang. Jadi kalau orang yang tak rapat dengan aku, tak akan sekali kali aku memborak tentang diri aku, baik buruk, busuk wangi...

Walau begitu, aku suka bertemu sua dengan setiap laapisan manusia. Tak kira siapa diorang. Walaupun dia manusia musibot yang membingitkan orang lain. Kalau berjumpa, akan aku bertegur sapa. Jikalau terserempak, aku lepaskan smoke grenade and siam... Bukan apa. Aku taknak bertegur lepas tu aku sakit hati... buat dosa aje.

So.... kat tempat kerja aku ni, aku baru strat kerja jugak lah kirakan. So manusia manusia kat sini semua tak pernah buat apa apa yang buat aku siam dari diorang kan? Semuanya ok aje... aku pun taknak tinggalkan impression yang tak baik. Lagipun secara nalurinya, aku memang peramah dan suka berbual dengan orang. Lebih lebih lagi makcik makcik, pakcik pakcik dan abang abang kat sini. Makcik makcik ni best pasal diorang boleh offer makan. Pakcik pulak boleh tambah option calon menantu, abang abang pulak sumber rokok halal.

Tapi, semakin hari ni aku perasan, oleh kerana peramahnya aku, mentelah lagi sifat aku yang tak suka menunjuk-nunjuk gua rasa manusia ni semua makin jadi macam sial ah! Satu contoh aku kasi korang. Ni adalah contoh antara banyak banyak situasi sebegini yang aku alami setiap hari.

2 jantan ni sedang berbual sambil beratur nak amik makan. Staff leberi jugak and aku kenal. Diorang bercadang nak adakan pesta pantun. Aku dengar aje tapi tak mencelah sebab ni hal diorang. Pastu si lebih tua antara dua ni menyebut.. "Ok aje. Nak buat apa pun boleh. Anwar boleh jadi pengerusinya kan Anwar...?"

Anwar: Ler... kalau jadi pengerusi, takde chance la aku nak main. Takde chance ah nak menang ke dapat hadiah ke....? :(

Tua Gemok: Hai... jangan kata kau nak menang. Buat satu pantun pun belum tentu kau boleh habis.

Kuhang hajar betul... Kalau aku orang lain, mesti aku dah jawab, "Eh, aku peh O level Malay grade A ok... amik sekali je" Tapi tak... pasal mak aku cakap biar kita merendah diri. Aku pun tak lawan balik pasal mak aku kata kalau lawan orang tua berdosa. Tapi darah up man!!

So, makin hari makin aku malas nak layan orang camni. Banyak pulak tu kat sini. So sekarang, aku dah jadi orang sombong.. Pi mampus..

Aku bukan parti pembangkang tapi tengok ni. Kalau hujan hujan aku boleh berdiri tak pakai payung... kenapa korang manja sangat nih? Tanpa payung tu, confirm korang boleh tengok sekeliling dengan lebih jelas lagi.

Suasana tenang bak dilanda taufan

2005-09-28T15:17:00.000+08:00

Chip Paat ni memang influential orangnya. Dalam masa satu hari, tersebut namanya dalam 2 blog berasingan. Satu blog Enche' Den. Satu lagi blog aku. Kalau free, lungsurilah blog aku, http://anwarhadi.blogspot.com.

Kat blog Den, diungkapkan apa yang disebutkan Chip tentang artis. Hai lah... sayang, kekatanya tidak akan kemana dek ego menebal manusia manusia yang kebetulannya Melayu. Baca lah blog Den untuk mengikuti ungkapan tersebut. Yang membuat aku berkerut dahi beretak tulang, ada juga orang yang terasa atau perasan artis. Aku ni beb, nak cakap aku ni theatre practitioner pun segan, fikir berkali-kali sampai terhembus. Setiap kali orang tanya, apa kau buat? Akan aku jawab, "freelance". Tak terbaring bulu romaku untuk aku menyebut diri aku, artis, theatre activist, pelakon, pengajar. Tak berani aku hendak secara tiba-tiba memikul tanggungjawab itu dengan hanya meliuk lentukkan lidah ku menyebut kekata tersebut. Akan tetapi......... ramai yang sanggup memikul tanggungjawab itu, berbangga dengannya. Mungkin mereka itu benar dan kita sebagai manusia, doakanlah yang terbaik untuk mereka yang sebenarnya, dan doakan agar di sepakkan dahi mereka agar tersedar berapa sejuk dan panasnya ketulan air batu. Untuk menilik akan kebolehan seseorang itu untuk pergi jauh.... kau harus tahu berapa jauh itu jauh. Dan untuk tahu kejauhannya, haruslah berlari, berjalan, merangkak, bergolek ke tempat tujuan dan di situ baru kau lihat kebelakang tempat permulaan. Melecet, luka dan koyak kulit tubuh kau untuk sampai ke situ. Bukan dengan cara singkat untuk reserve tenaga. Aku challenge ah dengan kau, dari Esplanade pergi Tekka. Aku naik teksi dekat je... kau merangkak, mesti jauhkan? Sedar banyak boleh tak??? Jangan menyusahkan orang, aku memang menunggu orang sebegini jadi orang biasa balik....

Chip juga pernah cakap kat aku yang sampai sekarang belum terbukti kepalsuannya. "Cinta jangan dikejar, kalau dah datang nanti... ribut beb...

Kalau bab cinta, memang lah spot on. Dulu mencari, peh susah nak jumpa. Dah tunang la, dah kahwin la, dah ada boypren la, kalau takde pun, tunjuk act kat aku yang aku ni tak secocok la dan bermacam macam lagi alasan sahih dan dusta ditampal kat dahi. Tapi bila dah jumpa, baru nak putus tunang la, putus kasih la, cerai la, dan puji-pujian yang harusnya lebih sesuai diucapkan kepada Tuhan meleleh-leleh keluar macam tertidur dalam mrt.

Bab lain jugak ada.... kalau kau taknak teksi, berduyun duyun diorang menyibuk. Bila kau nak, bekas tayar pun tak nampak.

Bila kau nak tiket tengok bola ke, show ke... punya susah nak hidu. Bila taknak, harga half price pun boleh jumpa kat tepi makanan kucing.

Bila nak buat projek, ada aje alasan bos kasi untuk tak support idea kau. Bila kau taknak, bertimbun timbun kerja dia kasi kau.

Dan bermacam macam lagi la.... antara rajin dengan tak aje untuk kau fikirkan.

Kalau kau nak sangat jadi artis, aktivis, pelakon, star, whatever.... tak payah kejar. Tak payah bilang orang. Tak payah perasan nak jadi "orang biasa". Kalau kat situ rezki kau, kat situ jugaklah kau boleh jumpa. Dan yang paling penting sekali... jangan setep star mana ah.... relax suah kambing. Jerawat kutil dulu.

Bunga ungu ni, cantik. Petik, kena saman kalau kena tangkap. Nak beli, mesti takde jual kat kedai florists. Bunga ros, mesti ada kat kedai. Tapi ada tak kat tepi jalan? Mesti takde... Kalau orang nak, mesti orang sanggup bayar...

Mengenali diriku bererti menyintai daku

2005-09-13T10:26:00.000+08:00

Kiwak!! Title macam kat minah cengeng jiwang secondary school sak. Gasak la…

Takde, sebenarnya macam gini. Aku nak kata aje, kalau korang free, boleh kasi aku email address korang. Pastu aku boleh mail kat korang data aku. Nama, alamat, IC number, height, weight, blood type…. Hape hape ajer yang tentang aku yang aku boleh bilang korang. Jadi korang akan kenal siapa AKU, bukan Mat Malaysia, bukan Mat Bangla, bukan Saiful Apek, bukan macam adik kawan kau, bukan macam kawan kau punya kawan, bukan Mat Sentul, bukan macam kawan sekolah kau. Ok boleh.. maceh eh?

Siapa yang marah… aku bukannya marah… nasihat… Butang baju aku mana pah…?

2005-09-12T12:32:00.000+08:00

Marah ke, nasihat ke… semuanya takde makna kalau tak sudi diterima. Aku nak cakap pasal pelajaran aku. Marah ke, nasihat ke, kemarahan ke, penasihat ke… terpulang pada penerimanya. Terima, tak terima, takde kena mengena dengan sodalam aku.

Aku ada diploma beb. Diploma holder in Information Studies, Temasek Polytechnic. Amaciam tu? Ada orang kata, wah terrer. Ada orang kata tak cukup. Ada orang kata tak cukup pasal dia jeles. Ada orang kata tak cukup pasal diorang nasihatkan aku. Ada orang cakap aku tak bersyukur. Bagi aku, memang tak cukup… dan aku sedar hakikat itu. Tapi cemana dengan orang yang tak sedar?

Ada sorang ni rajin nasihatkan aku time aku cari kerja dulu. Dia pun time tu takde kerja. “Kau nak join aku? Masuk A Police? Gaji orait ah. 2000 boleh dapat” Aku layankan aje pasal budak ni tak patut dilayan. 2000 eh? Kau yang tak pass N level pastu berhenti sekolah boleh dapat 2000? Buang masa siak aku belajar sampai dapat diploma. Cukup time, dia Tanya lagi, “Kau nak join aku? Kerja kat hotel. Bukan tukang masak ah… kita tolong tolong chef kat dapur je. Bulat bulat dapat 2500 ok jugak per.” MAK AIH!! Jangan kata buang masa pergi sekolah. Diploma aku boleh kasi cina sebelah buat selet sak. Kalau lepas O level dulu aku buat kerja ni… takyah buang masa pergi poly, mesti aku dah kaya sekarang… kan? Kan? Kan? Nak berbual world pun tak agak agak langit tu tinggi rendah. Sampai sekarang tak kerja member tu.

Selepas dua tahun kerja freelance dan menempuhi berbagai pacaroba system kewangan Singapura, bulan ni genaplah setahun aku kerja dengan Gamen. Alhamdulillah. Tak kaya, tak miskin. Tapi tak boleh kawin. Semalam aku berbual dengan kawan aku yang nak kawin soon. Dia kata ongkos perbelanjaan dah kira plus minus 20 000. Kalau aku ikut cakap kawan aku yang tadi, mesti dalam masa yang singkat dah boleh aku kahwin 4 kan? Tapi sekarang pasal aku kerja gamen, 20 000 boleh makan 40 bulan peh savings sambil makan pasir tiap tiap hari. Lepas 4 tahun baru boleh kawin beb. Tu pun langsai habis. Lepas kawin, kering… Yang aku pelik sekarang ni, Matrip sukun bawah blok kau tu boleh lepas dalam kelmarin. Lat dua bulan terus kawin. Lat dua tahun cerai. Lat setahun lagi, kawin lagi. Pelik….pelik man…

Ok, dengan diploma ni aku kerja dengan gamen. Banyak benefit, banyak incentive, tak payah risau kena retrench. Boleh dikatakan, gaji yang aku dapat, memang aku yang punya. Tak risau nak kena potong itu, potong ini. Tapi beb, bulan bulan, bill tetap kena bayar, duit transport kena kira, makan kat town ni bukan saja bayar duit makan, duit sewa, anak beranak, duit sekolah dan yang paling penting duit rantai emas makcik yang jualan lauk lemak air paip kurang santan. Kena juga kasi duit kat mak bapak. Duit raya bebudak, duit buah tangan jemputan kawin tiap tiap minggu. Yang belen, kalau aku save, makan 4 tahun baru boleh buat kawin. Berdarah jugak hidung beb. Cukup tahun dapat bonus. Begitu juga duit bonus tu kluar kasi pembelanjaan raya. Cukup setahun naik gaji. Begitu jugak harga barangan dan harga tambang. Kira takde beza la tu kan? Belum lagi kira kadar kenaikan inflasi… aiyoh.

Pasal diploma aku jugak lah, aku dapat kerja gamen ni, sebagai jawatan yang aku pegang ini. Baik jugak jawatan ni. Kira tak paling rendah, tak lah standard manager. Setakat supervisor, kira boss kecik jugak la. That’s what they call. Junior supervisory. That’s it…. Sampai aku pencen la, takkan naik pangkat. Ok lah, dia kasi up sikit. Senior supervisory. Tu pun bila aku nak mencecah peringkat senior citizen. Kenapa? Pasal aku ada diploma je beb… Semakin lah aku tak faham kenapa matrep sukun dan betina mereka seboleh boleh taknak belajar.

Ni macam la beb. Nak hidup kat Singapore ni kena ada degree baru boleh bernafas. Aku tak mintak hidup mewah Cuma cukup nak kasi keluarga aku makan. Dengan kertas diploma ni aku cuma cukup kasi diri aku makan, dan sekali sekala, kasik keluarga aku makan. Kepada mereka yang tak sedar lagi, pergi lah migrate… buat semak negeri aje..

Ya... pigi mana??

2005-09-07T16:12:00.000+08:00

"Please wait while we despatch you request........ please hold, your call is important to us....."

More taxi services to choose from... more numbers to call... more options to suit your needs.
I beg to differ.

Taxis are still rare commodity when you need them. I really wonder what the farke are they doing. Well, to be honest, I don't wonder that much, cos I know.

How many times have you had forgettable experiences with taxis. Many many...? Not once...? It differs, but generally most time they sucks.

One of my entry before, mentioned the similarities of women and taxi cabs. It doesn't make much of a difference if I swap them around. Taxi cabs are like women. Got into a wrong one, they bring you for a ride and rip your cash. Got into a right one and they'll lead to your destination safe and sound. They don't like your face, display the "on call" or simply ignore. And if they don't, they'll just say they are needed somewhere else. Plus of course, they prefer foreigners.

"Mr. Cab Driver won't you stop to let me in
Mr. Cab Driver don't you like my kind of skin
Mr. Cab Driver you're never gonna win
Mr. Cab Driver won't stop to pick me up"

You'll never get one after 9pm in town. Neither will you after 8am in the neighbourhoods. Where the hell are they? Trying to break the record of the longest taxi queue in the world at Changi Airport.

Mr. Cab Driver I might need some help
Mr. Cab Driver only thinks about himself
Mr. Cab DriverMr. Cab Driver
Mr. Cab Driver don't like to way I look
He don't like dreads he thinks we're all crooks

It's non peak hour on a normal day in a neighbourhood and you're needed back to work. They won't be there either. Where the farke are they? Right behind you, blocked by the block of flats, waiting for you to call for an extra charge.

Mr. Cab Driver reads too many story books
Mr. Cab Driver pass me up with eyes of fire
Mr. Cab Driver thinks we're all 165'ers
Mr. Cab Driver fuck you I'm a survivor

hey, if you're happen to be a driver or knows a cab driver, feeling upset with this entry. The hell with it. Cos it's the majority of them that gives a bad impression. You might say, not all are bad and I agree. It's as much as my father being one of the nicest people around that I know, but yet my race is still seen as drug addicts. Majority rules in this place my friend...

And they're always there poking their nose when you don't need them...

Si Luncai terjun dengan labu labunya.... Biarkan....

2005-09-06T09:13:00.000+08:00

Ada mata pandang
Ada telinga dengar
Ada mulut diam..
Ada tangan garu
Ada kaki goyang...

Yang remeh dan yang temeh
Berligar di sekelilingku
Yang remeh dan yang temeh
Berligar di sekelilingku

Biarkan biarkan.... Biarkan berlalu
Buatlah buatlah.... Buatlah tak tahu...

Tiba tiba

2005-08-26T12:17:00.000+08:00

Aku tiba tiba terasa emosi bila tertengok gambar gambar berikut...

Ku tanyakan kepada soria
Ku cheritakan kepada poernama
Di manakah letaknya dewi bahagia
Di manakah gerbang asmara

Rindu hati tiada terhingga
Hasrat jiwa yang haus dahaga
Mengharap madu hanya seteguk mesra
Gerbang nirwana jadi idaman

Tiada lari gunung di kejar
Mawar jelita telah mekar
Ibarat rembulan tiba di pangkuan
Menanti tiba di suntingan

Aku sedih..

2005-08-20T16:19:00.000+08:00

Sedih... sedih.... amat sedih..

Dah lah kes buang bayi tak habis habis.. Kes Mak Bapak bahalol taktau jaga anak makin meningkat. Yang masuk rumah tumpangan menambahkan bilangan sampah dalam negara. Dan sekarang ini... kedai kopi pun sudah join semangkuk dalam kerja terkutuk ni..... rosak rosak...

Tengok la tuh..... apa nak jadi donia donia...

Baru aku teringat

2005-08-18T19:39:00.000+08:00

Baru aku teringat

Aku pergi menonton satu persembahan drama teater semalam. Baru aku teringat, kenapa aku tidak suka menonton persembahan Melayu terutama sekali yang dipentaskan di hadapan penonton yang ramai.

Baru aku teringat….

Pementasan bermula pada jam 8 malam, tepat mengikut jadual. Tetapi sehingga jam 8:30, masih kelihatan ramai yang menyelit-nyelit memasuki dewan dek kerana terlambat. Katanya orang Melayu sudah canggih dengan teknologi jam tangan elektronik yang terbaru dan terbaik…?

Baru aku teringat…

Kehadhiran mereka yang menyelit-nyelit, di dalam gelap, mencari tempat duduk mereka yang nombornya tertera di tiket yang mereka beli, sudah cukup untuk menimbulkan perasaan tidak selesa diantara mereka yang dengan patuhnya hadhir ke dewan dengan lebih awal. Diburukkan lagi dengan perasaan tidak malu mereka yang dengan selamba memasuki dewan seakan tidak bersalah. Bagaikan alat pembesar suara mikrofon tersengkang di tekak atau kapas bujang lapok terselit di cuping, berbual sesama sendiri mencari tempat duduk dengan sekuatnya mengalahkan mereka yang pekak. Katanya orang Melayu sudah lebih prihatin…?

Baru aku teringat…

Sesudah akhirnya dapat merebahkan punggung besar akibat kuah lemak dan kari, ke bangku panggung, tiba tiba sahaja perasaan prihatin itu timbul ke naluri. Dikeluarkan alat berhubung yang canggih, prihatin keatas kehadhiran teman atau saudara yang belum tiba tiba lagi. Hello kau kat mana nya bukan main kuat lagi. Disambungnya dengan aku dah dapat duduk, diikuti dengan arahan bertemu. Walau di syyy kan penonton di sebelah, namun tidak diendahkannya. Mungkin juga kerana tudung yang menutupi telinganya mahupun batu dan galian berharga yang tergantung di pergelangannya, nampak jelas ketika melekatkan alat itu di telinganya. Mungkin juga…. Katanya orang Melayu dah pandai….?

Baru aku teringat…

Di kawasan tempat duduk circle, muncul kekecohan dan kebisingan. Kekata mencarut terkeluar dari manusia yang duduk di daerah itu bagaikan lahar Pinatubo. Semakin kuat mencarutnya semakin besar rasanya diri mereka, bagai merasa, panggung ini aku yang punya. Masakan yang sebelah mahu mengaku kalah? Maka sebagai manusia, challenge ah pe lagi…. Aku lagi kuat.. aku lagi kuat… mana boleh… aku lagi kuat… aku lagi kuat… ok ok… aku lagi kelakar hhahahaha kau kalah. Katanya orang Melayu sudah kaya….? Masakan tidak tahu membelokkan kenderaannya ke pasar bursa saham, boleh juga terselekoh ke panggung? Oh ya… duduk di bahagian circle, maknanya tidak cukup duit hendak beli tiket yang lebih mahal. Maknanya mereka orang miskin harta. Baru aku tahu, mereka juga miskin sel otak.

Oh ye tak ya… masakan aku lupa… mereka dari rumah tumpangan. Mereka tidak ada emak bapak untuk mengajar. Patutlah kurang ajar.

Baru aku teringat…

blank + blank = things you see. Fill in the blanks..

2005-08-15T19:02:00.000+08:00

Maths....? Nah...

I went to a book review writing course just now and it was a whole class of 18. Only two guys. The rest are makciks in tudungs. Like the name of the course beckons... it's a course on effectively writing Malay book reviews. The course, of course.. was run in Malay.

What interested me was that they mentioned about writing reviews to promote certain materials. Especially those with values but yet goes undisturbed. They then mentioned that novels are the more popular collection and most of them love reading them too... and also writing about them.

It brought me to a situation that has always been in my mind... since I could remember.

Does TV Programmes and Novels makes a person... or.... the person makes them?

This is what I see..

Initially, TV programmes or movies or novels, are written based on actual events. It could be directly or indirectly related to the author.. And so, we read about people's life, events that shaped a person, his story, his family... everything... "worldly". Like all good novels before... they were vividly put and written to suit the taste of the readers, or movies to the viewers so as to make them feel related to the piece. Eg... Salina, Penarek Becha, Sungai Mengalir Lesu, Badai Semalam, Antara Dua Darjat... etc. They are all human issues. Natural issues. Put dramatically as a spice to make the piece interestingly watchable / readable by the audience of that era. Dramatic..

Dramatic... it then became a culture. A standard. Something that has to be followed. Culture... biar mati anak. Jangan mati adat. All pieces are written, portrayed in that dramatic standard to maintain viability in the industry. It was digestible while it lasted.. Eg. "Kau tahu tak As... Aku tak pernah jatuh cinta", "Tetapi.... / Tidak ada tapi tapi lagi...!!", "Katakanlah itu semua tidak benar... katakanlah... jangan lah batinku disiksa begini..." etc... Dramatic.

Dramatic... it then became a livelihood. Ironically, the exact words are not accepted and placed in the "kental" category. But it still carries on in numerous pieces till today due to culture though how revolting it may be. What I meant by livelihood... is the character. Like a kid simulating a wrestling move saw on TV, the characters in the pieces are subconsciously integrating into our semi permeable membrane. We are getting there.... becoming the people we read and see... And to me it's as revolting as it gets.

We are becoming Jiwang people.... Stuck up nose up people... FAKE people.

Look around you... the people in your circle if you're myopic.

How many times do you see.. "Alamak... aku ada problem ah... aku nak kena jumpa budak tu jugak ah nak settle." Sniff a bit more and the problem is about another friend is not talking to the other. If that's a problem, I wonder what Piles is.

How many times do you see.. people walking around as if there are millions of cameras following their every move.. by the way they move their lips while talking, roll their eyes, flicking their hair, lifting up just one side of the lips to smile, speaking with Hollywood sitcom accent and gestures... "Duh...!"... "Oh purrlease......" "Oh reeally...." That's just ain't right isn't it....? A Banana Chee Na... After Eight Mint Chocolate Indian... Buah Salak Melayu complete with it's kelopak salak.

How many times do you hear this... "Saya tak bersalah....!! Tolong jangan samakan saya dengan dia...! I'm a different individual... Why can't you just see that in me....?? Why....??"

The hell whatever you might think of this entry... to me it's just Natural Fakeness.

"Cheeeeeese......!!!!" *Click clack*

Siak ah... even the fireworks are emulating war of the worlds..

After I use the support pillow my voice becomes like this.

2005-08-11T11:22:00.000+08:00

Duh..

I need a support pillow. No matter how it will turn my voice into. My neck needs it..

My neck is in utter tiredness. Tired of having to support my head, supporting the skull, supporting my brain floating on a gooey liquid membrane. Ouch...

The shallower a person you are, the fastest the word "big headed" comes to your mind.

Puny is the word... heavy skull supporting a puny au naturel processing unit.

It's not a computer, it's not a machine... it's all natural. And for a couple of weeks now, it's overloaded with data from the past. Somehow the RAM and Virtual memory starts to get hyperactive and disrupts the main harddisk compartment from running as per normal. Try to access it and it says.. "not enough memory to run the application". OUCH!!

I told Adib before... "One day it's gonna crash.... I'll dread the day... but it will."

And now... files from the past in which I can't delete, is running wild in the main system. It's getting painful. Very painful...

Tried defragmenting but I don't have the time.

Tried system clean up, but the ciggies are not helping.

Worse thing is. Reboot is not an option. Only permanent shut down.

Hopefully support pillow works...

Dah ke belum...

2005-08-09T11:03:00.000+08:00

MERDEKA MERDEKA MERDEKA!!

Aku di menaip blog ini di bawah naungan negara merdeka.

MERDEKA! MERDEKA!! MERDEKA!!!

Sudah kah aku merdeka? Sudah kah kau merdeka? Sudahkah mereka merdeka?

MERDEKA! MERDEKA!! MERDEKA!!!

Aku belum merdeka. Masih belum selagi rezki duniawi ku hanya akan dipulangkan kepada si pemberi selepas diberi.

Aku belum merdeka. Selagi abang ku yang menendang kami keluar tetapi masih menganggap bahawa kami masih adik kecil yang berusia empat dekad.

Aku belum merdeka. Selagi masih mencari cara menyedarkan mereka yang tidak akan sedar diri mereka tidak disukai, tidak sedar mereka hanya orang biasa dan bukan yang terbaik disekelilingnya, dan masih tidak sedar namanya adalah nama beruk gorilla cerita Congo dan lebih memalukan ada nama "kecik" selepas nama itu. Sekurang kurangnya, beruk Congo itu disukai ramai dan tidak berjerawat.

Aku belum merdeka. Selagi masih berleluasa kaum betina melebihi kaum perempuan.

Aku belum merdeka. Selagi muka innocent aku, muka innocent keluargaku, muka innocent bangsaku dicomot tinta pengganas.

Aku belum merdeka. Selagi muka sial matrep dan minah murahan, secara ironinya tidak dicomot tinta yang disebutkan tadi.

Aku belum merdeka. Selagi atas dasar nama sedekah, masih berleluasa rasuah dan korupsi para korporat keparat.

Aku belum merdeka. Selagi Bangsaku belum merdeka dari dadah, dari angin malas, dari darah bodoh tak tahu jaga anak, dari naluri angkuh seboleh boleh menafikan anaknya itu bodoh, dari nafsu rantai kapal ditayang di jemputan, dari hembusan malu yang setakat ditinggal di rumah untuk berdansa di kelab dan balai rakyat.... dan banyak lagi....

Aku belum merdeka. Selagi stesyen TV ku dikuasai kerajaan kuku besi bermata betina persis sistem kesultanan Melayu.

So....?? I'm in a free nation! We're independent!! Independant!! What does that mean?
It's every man for his own. The more you live on your own, behind the facade of a group of people, the more independant, the more selfish, the more self centered, the more we get together... together... together.... the more we get together.... the more kiddy song we'll sing.

Yaaaah!!! Ping piang!!

2005-07-31T14:09:00.000+08:00

In a building with a lot of glass panels, glass panes and glass walls… I was approached by someone saying that we should put barriers on the glasses especially the fire access glass panels.

His approach was by the grounds saying that, children could run around and bang against the panes, causing it to shatter and the kid plunging down a good 9 storeys height.

Now, every measure has been taken by the construction company planning, constructing the building. Oh please… there are no amateur construction company in Singapore. Of course everything has been looked into and proposed, with proper planning before work can take place right?

So… let’s say a kid actually hits the panel while running ( I assume the stupid kid is running at full speed, cos if he don’t, he won’t be able to crash the panes) and plunges down and dies a beautiful death.. is it the contractor’s fault or the kiddo’s parents for not attending courses on child upbringing?

Oh Malaya..

2005-07-30T20:38:00.000+08:00

Aku pulang...
Dari rantau... bertahun tahun di negri orang
Oh Malaya

Oh dimana....
Kawan dulu, kawan dulu yang sama berjuang
Oh Malaya

Inilah kesahku semalam di Malaya
Diri rasa sunyi
Aduhai nasib
Apakah daya
Chinta hampa
Hidopku pun merana
Mana dia

Kekaseh hatiku pun lama telah hilang
Hilang tak berkesan
Aduhai sayang
Apakan daya
Chinta hampa
Hidopku pun merana
Mana dia

Mana dia.......?

Happy Birthday Singapore

And The Light Be Fell On Me

2005-07-26T18:23:00.000+08:00

And then there was light...

An organization getting too big for its soul purpose, run by women.

Created from the left rib to produce an heir. Only to turn around and says, give me an heir. Where thy forgets the sayings of a young army. Where a privelage is not to be confused with an entitlement to thee. Where it's written clearly for all to see. When they we fairies, outnumbers they war satriahs. The antonym of begin is so close beckoning to thee. Repent little men... and women of the soil and the sea. For it has happens under you in front of me.

Aku baru je cakap.....

2005-07-14T18:35:00.000+08:00

Aku baru aje cakap pasal derma. Aku dapat tahu, yang tiap tiap bulan aku derma pakai GIRO ni adalah untuk bayar gaji sorang mala'on dan untuk buat paip emas dalam jamban. Sial betul....

Kalau dah manusia tu, manusia jugak

2005-07-10T09:42:00.000+08:00

Lepas reservist, i was really looking forward to have a good break at home. Nak lepak kat rumah and tido, main game, makan, tengok vcd, berbual dengan mak bapak aku. Bagi aku, rumah ku syurgaku bukan setakat ungkapan aje. Memang aku suka dan rindukan dok rumah. So I was really looking for some peace and quiet and days of relaxation.

Niat aku terbantut dek kerana kerja kerja mengubah elok car park kat daerah rumah aku. Kawasan rumah aku ni rumah lama, so takde multi storey carpark. Carpark yang ada adalah carpark yang dikeliling setiap blok. Kerja ubah elok car park ni dah start dah lama. Yang aku pelik ni.. TAK HABIS HABIS!!! Eeehhh.... memekak!!

Semalam aku betul betul bingit, aku pekik dari tingkap unit tingkat tiga aku ni. Terperanjat kotai2 yang kerja. Diorang diam kejap, minum kopi, lat berapa minit, diorang sambung balik. Takpe lah, aman 15 minit pun aku dah bersyukur. Mak aku cakap, "Diorang kerja Di.. Marah pun diorang boleh buat apa...." Kekata mak aku tu buat aku terfikir...

Kenapa buang duit ubah elok carpark ni? Dulu bila SDP beraja kat tempat ni, takde pun kerja2 ubah elok. Apa? Takde duit ke diorang? Setahu aku, budget constituency, gamen yang kasi. Bila PAP menang balik tempat ni, fuuuuh... peh kecoh... buat shelter la, laman RC la, bumbung blok la... ada aje... semua dah buat sampai duit tu tak tau buat apa lagi, buat balik carpark ni semua.

Apa hal sak buat car park? Kalau lantai simen pun boleh park kereta kan? Kenapa nak kena tukar design lantai baru? Sesungguhnya aku tak faham apa yang makan masa sangat tukar carpark tu. Macam aku cakap, janji dah boleh letak kereta sudah la kan? Lagipun, semua orang ke ada kereta? Mak aku kata, dari buat carpark, kan lagi bagus duit tu buat lif kat blok blok daerah sini. Lif rumah kita masih standard lama, pergi tingkat 1, 6 dengan 11 je. Padahal, semua orang akan menggunakan lif.

Pada aku pulak, kan lebih bagus duit tu diberikan kepada tempat2 kebajikan. Derma kat diorang. Aku dah naik jenuh tengok muka orang mintak derma sana sini. Buka aku ni pelokek. Ada rezki, aku derma lah. Tapi sekarang ni macam dah terlalu terlampau banyak sangat orang mintak derma. Pada masa yang sama harga tambang naik, harga barangan naik... mana perginya duit-duit yang ada ni semua? Singapura negeri demokratik. Duitnya takkan di cap melebihi kuota setiap tahun. Jadi duit yang ada akan diputar guna setiap yang ada. Maknanya, kalau ada orang tu takde duit, mesti ada orang lain yang pegang duit tu. Ada yang tak kena kan?? Tapi memang macam tu, kalau semua nak ada yang sama, komunis pulak jadinya.

Takpe, berbalik pada derma... ASyik mintak derma aje!! Pada aku, kalau derma tu munasabah, ok jugak lah orang derma. Macam NKF untuk biaya dialisis pesakit yang tak berkemampuan yang sememangnya mahal nak mampus. Kesian... derma lah.. Abih kalau asyik mintak derma ubah elok masjid tu apa cerita??

Elok betul masjid kat rumah kau eh...? Rumah aku punya masjid lama je.. Lama ke baru.. Masjid tu tetap berguna kan? Mintak derma pasal nak besarkan jamban dengan ruang solat, tinggikan kubah, pasang tv. Ni semua untuk cater para jemaah yang hanya akan memenuhi dua saf setiap solat fardhu. Atau nak cater pada jemaah yang akan datang seminggu sekali atau dua kali setahun. Pasal diorang ni aku nak kena derma tiap tiap kali aku naik mrt?

Gasak lah, aku dah lapar. Nak makan sarapan mi megi mak aku masak. Kalau terasa nak makan sarapan yang lebih mengenyangkan, kena lah aku pergi mintak derma.

D Day H Hour

2005-06-20T00:54:00.000+08:00

D Day : 200605
H Hour: 0730 hrs

SARGE:
Ok guys. The objective Tg Gul is jus in front. We've done this many times. But this time we'll be following the main body in the assault and look for the perfect location to deploy in preparation for counter attack. The breaching team is already at the wire. We wait up.

COMMS SET:
*bzzzt... bangalore ignited...bzzzt*

3....2....1..... KABOOM!!!!! GAP! GAP! GAP! GAP!!!
CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGE!

BANG BANG BANG!!! BANG!!! BANG!!! BOOOOM!! BAAANG!!! TRAT TAT TAT TATT TAT!!!! BOOM!!

SARGE:
Keep close!! Keep close!!

BANG!! BANG!! TRAT TAT! TAT!! TAT!! BOOM!! OC dowwwnnn!!! MEDIC!!! PC 9 Take over!!

GAN:
Sarge, OC is down. Do you think we'll go on?

SARGE:
Soldier! We fight for the country! Not for him! He can die with his mother fucking business for all I care! Now move! And keep close!! PS took over our PC. We follow...!

BANG! BANG!! KA BOOM!! TRAT TAT TAT!!! TAT! DUUSH!! BOOM!! AAAAHHHH!!!

GAN:
Sarge! Reza down!!

SARGE:
Cover PS!! I see to him!

TRAT TAT TAT!!! TAT! TAT! TAT! TAT!!!! TRAT!!! TAT!!!

GAN:
WE're out of rounds!!

SARGE:
U got 556?!!!

GAN:
Only one mag!! Singh took the other!!

SARGE:
Bring Reza to cover!! I'll cover you!!

BANG! BANG!! BANG!!.... DsSSSSSSST..... DUSH!!! BANG!! BOOM!! PS DOWN!!! MEDIC!!!

SARGE:
SHIT!!! Gan!!! Cover Reza to a proper cover!! I'm taking over the platoon!!

GAN:
I don't have enough rounds!!

SARGE:
Right!! See that tree?!! Get him there fast!! I cover both of you!!

BANG BANG!!! BANG!!! AAAHHHHH!!! BANG!! BANG!!! BANG!!

GAN:
Sarge!! We're here!! I'm outta 556!!

SARGE:
HOLD UP!!

BANG BANG!!! BANG!! SHITT!! SHIT!! BANGG!!! KABOOM!! DAMN!!! KABOOM!!!

SARGE:
One mag! That's all I can spare!! Now I gotta go! Stay put and cover the area till the medic comes!! The platoon's pinned down! I gotta move now!

GAN:
Sarge!! Half the platoon is down!! Should we just call for reinforcements??

SARGE:
No time!! We'll run out of ammo if we wait for them. It's every man for himself!! They have their own objective! Just one time good one and we clear this shit! I'm not coming back for RT!! Neither do I want any of us! COver the area with what you have! Get some from the casualties! I'll get more rounds for you than you'll ever imagined!!

GAN
Sarge!! You're taking over now??!!!

SARGE:
I'll BE BACK!!!

Bang bang...! IA IA!! Bloody hell... universal rounds oso got IA??

2005-06-14T16:55:00.000+08:00

I’m having menses. I’m in bad mood. I think this menses will last a week. Till 20th June 2005. Monday. To report at 7:30am. Tanjong Gul Camp 2. Belardey reservist.

The days to reservist are getting shorter. I can feel my heart pumps faster on every passing day. Darn, it’s the same feeling that I felt 1 week before my circumcision. 1 week before my Full Time NS Enlistment.

Some say reservist is a form of relaxation. Off from work. Something to take your mind off from work, off from the fast paced life of the city, off from the concrete jungle, off from your wife. Fine, I’m off from the tiger’s fangs jumping into a crocodile’s mouth.

Reservist ain’t fun at all to me. May be to you… not to me. Especially this upcoming one.

1st and foremost, my unit sucks. With super on officers on one corner and super slack men on the other. There’s no referee. Specialists get it done.. I don’t even know half of my men. Topped up in place of previous soldiers whom have successfully escaped reservist by signing on other uniformed groups. This is bad for the morale of my men getting used to new faces whom are super slackers. My platoon were trained to fight in a cohesive manner. They know every mates inside out, each style of fighting, fitness and most importantly, their source of motivation. I bet, still fresh in their minds, the motivational Sgt Fardlie, the supreme fitness of Sgt Collin, the brains of Sgt Chris and the booming command of Sgt Karthik and Sgt Kevin, respectable LTA Fairoz and LTA Taufik. And of course the sheer speed and brutality of the Men of Charlie Platoon 9 overcoming any routes and objectives renowned by the battalion as the speediest platoon. Forever entrusted as the point platoon, sneak assault and flanking force. The carmaderie of fighting and slacking together made the platoon sticks like gel with the lowest report sick and fall out rate. That was then…

No more Fardlie, Collin, Chris, Karthik, Kevin, Fairoz nor Taufik. I’m left behind with a new breed of commanders and men. Though the new commanders were promoted up the ranks from a riflemen, I pity them trying to fill up the shoes of the great platoon 9 commanders that have left and commanding their own section mate topped up by certain slackers.

Then, there’s the new OC. Super on. Super suck balls. Sarcastic with ego Val Kilmer would be ashamed of. Worst.. he made me feel ashamed I’m of the same race as him.

My buddy deferred himself from this turn.

Confined weekend.

I’m in bad mood… can somebody help me mutilate my OC? Thanks…

1995.........2005

2005-05-31T09:00:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow is the start of June 2005. 5 years has passed since the prospected doomsday of 2000 where the planets are aligned in one straight line. And.. I'm here adding another entry.

When you look ahead, things seems far to reach. For example, it's so long to reach the coming weekends. Darn... it's only Tuesday. And I can't wait to get Teater Rakyat over and done with. Can't wait to start my farking 2 weeks of reservist and getting over that too..

But when you look back... cliche.. cliche.. how fast time flies. The number 10 sounds big. But 10 years ago, I believe, to many of you.. is still vivid in your mind.

Gosh! 10 years ago.. I was Fifteen... I was:

Trying out with my best friend then on the best starch to iron our new long pants to school. We wanted to look the smartest in our long pants. We decided on candle wax.

Was mulling on my new class prospect in the upcoming inter-class games.

Followed Ajak to meet two neighbouring school's girls whom soooon became our first girlfriends. Thanks Yan! Hahhaha!

Hari Raya Concert.... "Hanya sepasang kurung nan biru.........."

Chemistry overtook Literature as my favourite subject. My sprinter teacher then told us that B3, is a lousy grade.

Got my first "B" for Malay... WAH LAU!!

IRK turns to be the subject of the year. Who could forget the Assumption English babes... kwang kwang kwang...

"O" levels is just a test...

The re-birth of acoustics, gelled hair and jambul karipap.

Chicago Bulls VS LA Lakers

Chris Sutton / Alan Shearer : Blackburn Rovers
Anwar / Shah : Black Burnt Rovers

Sam ada pager sak....!!

Amaciams? Terguris tak hati bila teringat..? Not that it was too long ago.. but things and environment changes drastically within that short time. Thanks to Economy and Technology. What were the things you can never forget......? Pin it up peeps..

Apakah yang dapat menyatukan kita....?

2005-05-21T11:26:00.000+08:00

Dangdut is the music of my country!!

Kalau Paat dengar ni, mesti dia cakap aku mat rock dah sesat... Nasib baik aku tak join cari Abang Romli.. Tak beb.. gua maintain. But...

Aku quite recently hooked to lagu, "Dangdut is the Music of My Country". Aku tau la ni lagu lama... but maybe because of the MP3 player, MP3 playing capability that I have sub consciously immersed into the song. Kenapa ya...? Cos bila aku dengar lagu ni dari jarak terdekat bila earphone melekat kat telinga aku, aku dapat tangkap dan menjiwai irama dangdut dalam lagu tu. Walaupun ia cuma part of the whole piece tapi part dangdut dia very authentic. Dah lama aku tak dengar lagu dangdut yang mempunyai tune macam tu. Halwa teling aku amat mual bila terdengar irama pop dangdut, disco dut, dangdut reggae dan macam macam lagi. Kekadang, yang asli tu lebih menarik. Enggak begitu mas.....??? Yee bah!!

Lagi satu, maybe ni out of point sikit, but macam M Nasir cakap dalam satu scene cerita "Merah", "Aku punya suka lah, aku director"... aku pun cakap la, aku punya suka la nak type apa.. blog aku.. hahahha

Ok ok... maksud aku, dalam lagu tu ada ungkapan, "Apakah yang dapat menyatukan kita?" In this case is the dangdut music.. (Yee bah!). Dah lama aku nak cakap pasal ni.. apakah yang dapat menyatukan Melayu kita? Baik dalam negeri mahupun serumpun? Suatu ketika dahulu, diusulkan menggunakan Bahasa Baku...

Baku eh....? Macam mana baku boleh digunakan untuk menyatukan atau membuat Melayu Singapura diterima oleh Melayu serumpun dan nusantara? Apakah Melayu Indonesia menggunakan Bahasa Baku? Mahupun Melayu semenanjung? Mahu pun Melayu Filipina? Jikalau tidak di gunakan di nusantara, apakah nilainya lagi dimata gugusan Melayu?

Begini lah, pada aku Bahasa Melayu Singapura ni dah rosak kerana tidak dikepalai orang orang yang boleh menerajui perjuangan bahasa. Sesungguhnya tak seorang pun kepala kepala ni boleh diharap. Bila jumpa kaum masyarakat, cakap omputih pulak diorang. Ibarat kapal dikemudi nakhoda tak pass topo lesson..

Ok lah, Aku pun tak up sangat dalam part bahasa ni, maklum, aku bukan pandai sangat. Kat Negeri ni, cuma orang pandai aje yang dibenarkan belajar tinggi2. Yang tak pandai, relax one corner sua. Nak belajar, korang korek duit sendiri. Yang pandai, makin pandai. Yang kurang pandai, tersendat di takuk lama. Yang lagi teruk, relax one corner pergi cari kerja untuk dapatkan duit untuk dipulangkan kembali kepada yang memberi. Dok situ sampai retire... sambil menahan bau kasut dek kerana dipijak mereka-mereka yang dah cukup pandai.

Kelmarin, sorang kawan kerja aku pergi ke satu event ni.. ntah event hape ntah. Kat situ ada satu speaker ni buat public address. Cakap Melayu. Baku. Dia kata something like this.. "... saya hairan, mengapa masyarakat Cina dapat bertutur dengan terus bahasa ibunda mereka apabila berbicara sesama sendiri. Tanpa menggunakan sedikit pun perkataan Inggeris. Kenapa masyarakat Melayu kita tidak boleh menggunakan Bahasa Melayu yang betul dalam keadaan yang sama...? Kenapa??!! EVEN..... oooops... maaf. Hehehhe... bumi mana yang tidak ditimpa hujan....?" Hahhahahhahahahahhah.... lawak Senario Lima bintang dia kasi.... hahhahahhahah....

Bagi aku, Bahasa Baku ni semakin merosakkan bahasa Melayu yang terkenal dengan sopan dan kelembutan cara tuturnya. Rosak beb! Lebih rosak dari Joget Pahang nyanyian Amuk. Ni semua sebenarnya, pasal nak step ikut, "Speak Mandarin Campaign". Speak lah bahasa Mandarin untuk kesatuan sejagat. Ada makna jugak kempen ni, kan lagi bagus standardise kan kaum Tionghua semua cakap mandarin aje dari bertutur bermacam-macam dialect. Jadi, kepala-kepala ni semua pun nak step lah, "Whai sekelian yang ada di segenap tanah Singa... gunakan lah bahasa Baku!!" Pii rah!! Bezanya Mandarin dengan Baku, Mandarin memang digunakan di tanah besar China dan digunakan di sini kerana sebahagian besar masyarakat Tionghua menggunakan Bahasa Mandarin! Majority wins maaah! Tapi Baku? Majority Melayu kat sini kan berbahasa Melayu Johor Riau...? Apa cerita nak tukar tukar? Kenapa tak standardise kita semua cakap Jawa? Kan majority Melayu kat sini keturunan Jawa? Hape ke bengapnya... hilang identiti Melayu Singapura di mata Melayu Nusantara? Apakah sudah lupa? Bahasa menunjukkan Bangsa? Dalam segenap gugusan Melayu, cuma Johor, Riau dan Singapura aje yang menggunakan loghat Johor Riau. Kalau lah Raja Ali Haji tau pasal Baku ni.. alangkah kecewanya dia..

Lagi satu... dah lah baku... di masukkan pula bahasa Inggeris yang diMelayukan. Kalau sememangnya tidak ada dalam bahasa Melayu sesuatu perkataan itu, amat molek lah diambil dari bahasa lain. Part ni memang gua tak argue. Kerana memang begitu duduk perkara se dari dulu. Seperti usulnya perkataan DUNIA, IJAZAH, KERETA, BANGLO,TELEVISYEN, kerana pada waktu itu, tidak ada perkataan tersebut dalam kamus. TAPI..... Apa cerita siak ikan lumba-lumba jadi dolfin? Limau jadi Oren? Ketua pasukan jadi Kapten? Bulu tangkis jadi Badminton? Mentul lampu jadi Bal lampu? Kenangan / Ingatan jadi memori? Masyhur jadi popular? Dah lah tu.... Baku pulak.. Cuba baca ni dengan bahasa baku, "KAPTEN PASUKAN BADMINTON TERINGAT MEMORI LAMA BERMAIN DENGAN DOLFIN SEWAKTU BELUM POPULAR".. Sekarang, cuba try test baca ni pulak, "KETUA PASUKAN BULU TANGKIS TERINGAT AKAN KENANGAN SILAM SEWAKTU BERMAIN-MAIN DENGAN IKAN LUMBA LUMBA DI SAAT SEBELUM MASYHUR". Sama kan makna nya? Aiyoh...

Gasak lah. Macam yang aku cakap tadi, aku ini sememangnya tidak tergolong dalam golongan cerdik pandai yang dapat membuka mata sejagat. Jika sekiranya ingin aku menyeru kepada masyarakat, terutama sekali kepada para pemimpinnya, masakan suaru ku menyentuhi cuping telinga mereka. Kerana zaman pembelajaranku telah ditamatkan dengan sekeping kertas yang diwarnai tinta sebatang kalam yang serupa dengan kalam yang lain di meja mu dan meja ku. Bukannya jubah biru dan topi empat persegi yang sememangnya tidak mampu aku kecapi.

Isap rokok pun baik ah... Idea bodoh ni tak banyak bezanya dengan idea S-League.

Fun

2005-05-19T09:22:00.000+08:00

My idea of fun has mostly, always, most of the time, generally, out of majority, different. But I need the fun factor to keep my heart moving and beating with a reason.

Some days, things begins to be mundane. You realise you do the same thing everyday, walk the same route everyday. On other days, you still do the same thing everyday and walk the same route everyday, but you didn't notice. But after a while, you can't help noticing. And so, it's left to the mind to make things somewhat enjoyable. If you think, you can...

Mundane Factor (MF)
Alarm set at 6am. Woken up at 6. Nah.... no fun. Need to go work.
Fun Factor (FF)
Go back to sleep.

MF
Woke up again at 7:30. Darn I'm late for work... again...
FF
Zip through everything in a flash. Personal target, to get everything done before outs of the house, by 7:45.

MF
Things to bring... stationery, PDA and staff pass.
FF
Load my backpack to the brim, stuff video cam, digital camera, laptop, tripod, files, drawing pad... etc etc... singing to the tune "training to be soldiers... fight for our land...."

MF
Taking the peak hour train.
FF
Spot the people in the train. Wrong shirt button alignment, missed a belt slip on the back of the pants, oversized bra, sleeping disorders.... etc...

MF
Alight at Bugis
FF
Alight at City Hall to get a piece of TODAY paper.

MF
Walk to work.
FF
Walk further to work.

MF
Cross North Bridge Road in front of Bras Basah Complex
FF
Imagine that the whole road stopped, just for me to cross the road. Wave to the drivers.

MF
Take the lift up to office.
FF
Wait and take the glass wall lift and enjoy the elevation moment.

MF
Start work facing the PC on my desk
FF
Surf and chat facing the PC on my desk.

MF
Lunch from 12 to 1.
FF
Tea break at 10
Lunch from 11:30 to 2
Tea Break at 4

MF
Knock off at 5:30
FF
Knocked out after afternoon tea break. Knock off at 5.

MF
Make my way up Cairnhill.
FF
Walk to City Hall
A stick of sampoerna and 900ml green tea.
Spot the difference of the afternoon crowd as compared when they were in the morning.
Alight at Newton station.
Note the progress of Chele closing down.
Have another puff and chat with the bus drivers picking up ACJS students.
Make eyes to the maids picking up master's child.
Run up Cairnhill

MF
Rehearsal
FF
Amaciam lepas rehearsal.... minum teh?? Set..!

MF
Pilgrimage to Newton Hawker Centre
FF
Pilgrimage to Newton Hawker Centre

MF
Go home
FF
_______________________ (please fill in the blank)

MRT

2005-05-17T09:15:00.000+08:00

U know the trains with gerabak seats warna hijau, biru dan jingga tuh...? I think two seats is not big enuff for two people...

Oh yeah, kalau nak komen kat blog aku... kalau ada bodek, letak nama. Kalau ada maruah, letak nama ok? Kalau takde, jangan bother nak komen. Nama aku terpampang untuk semua orang tengok, nama betul aku, tak main nick nick...

Moday morning....!

2005-05-16T08:36:00.000+08:00

Good morning ya'll...

Heheheh... lama tak update. Was busy dating people. Plus have to think properly before writing. Or certain homo sapiens might not like my entries. But then again.. to hell wif 'em... hehehheheh. Farke off. I dun need people like them in my life, nor even in my underwear drawer. Hahaha..

BTW, I bought a book. A cheap cheap one. It's about History's 100 most nototrious tyrants. Tyrants sak... macam Gargemel je they made it sound.

OK, even on 1st glance, I know I can't trust this book. It has a picture of Hitler and Saddam Hussein on the cover. And I flipped through and browse the contents page, it has a coverage of tyrants all the way from Medieval, Napoleonic and the Modern Era. It also covers people whom I didn't consider as tyrants or didn't know they were tyrants. So this is a very subjective book. But I still bought it, interested to read from the author's point of view how he considered Alexander the Great, Genghis Khan, Napoleon Bonaparte, Vladimir Lenin, Achmed Soekarno, Chiang Kai Shek, among many, as tyrants.

Well, facts can't be denied. If it happened, it happens. I got to find out how this author think of all these people. I think it's good to read about other people and their opinions so as not to think that you're the only homo on the blue planet. And so I found out how tyrant they were and their act of tyrancy... hahhaa.

Like I expected, it's from the author's personal point of view based on facts. I would say it's not a reliable book for research or in depth knowledge cos I even noticed typo errors. Hehehe.

So.. if he can consider highly political people as tyrants whom could be regarded as heroes for their own people, and still got it published in a book... I guess, so can I in my own blog..!! Hehehehe ...

Lemme see.... tyrants... LTA Ernest Chan... LTA Hairul... Encik Nasir... BMTC PTI's... Atomic Leow... hmmmmmmmm....

Irritating

2005-05-01T09:58:00.000+08:00

I dunno bout u... but I find it god damn irritating to see kids nowadays. And I mean kids... those pre-schoolers, primary ones.... those kecik kecik punya la....

Used to love kids but not animore when I see them. They are damn bloody devilSS!! So naughty. Everytime I see them playing around in the MRT, I pray hard the train will do an E-brake and the kid will be flung and break his head... Pray hard...

The most irritating thing is seeing their "Only know how to Fuck" parents buat bodoh allowing their kids to run around. I remember my Sec 1 teacher asked us how we feel about this situation. And do we feel the same if we know, actually that the wife of the buat bodoh father just died.. I personally don feel any difference. If he buat bodoh now, meant he also has been buat bodohing when his wife was around. And... the kid is used to playing in the train even when his dead mum was around. Duh...!

What I see here... the root of all these problems is the Fucking MUMMY AND DADDY. They pamper the kids too much.... tooo much.... wahrt der farke are they doing man? Kawin pasal nak main sak...!! Dapat anak tak tau jaga.. Lepas tu bila budak budak ni dah sekolah, serahkan pendidikan anak-anak bulat-bulat kepada cikgu. TAPI.... Cikgu tak bole tegur, tak boleh marah, tak boleh pukul.... what crap??!! Pastu anak tu jadi remaja liar.... muncul la masalah2 remaja yang kita dengar sekarang... abih tu mak bapak, gamen, semua tak tau apa nak buat... Tak ke bodoh nak mampus?

These FUCKING MUMMIES and DADDIES pamper their kids too much. AND THEY....i stress that again... THEY ARE THE ROOT CAUSE OF THE EVIL WE SEE NOWADAYS. Have a look homos. Next time u board a public transport. How pampered they are. Train punya penuh, bus punya penuh pun bole tolak pram ni....??? Dia ingat keretapi bapak dia ke? Korang korang kalau nak main tapi tak nak jaga anak.... pergi main ngan pelacur. Jangan buang space Singapore yang kecik ni dengan anak korang..

Guess where....

2005-04-22T17:45:00.000+08:00

Guess where I am now?

Don't think this sounds entirely new but it sure is new to me. I'm at McDonalds Bedok Interchange and adding entry to my blog! Hehehe... ;)

Hey this might sound bit backdated to you... but to hell with you. You don't pay my wages. I have always been slow updating myself to the latest technological gadgets cos I can't afford. But sikit sikit gua simpan duit sampai dapat. And by then I'll be backdated again. One thing for sure I don't like to purchase things via instalments. Cos I don like to hutang. Which makes my advancement much slower. Whatever I want, I save up and buy in cash, langsai.

Except for this current laptop of course. The one and only thing I have on instalments. No more instalments till this payment is done cos laptops is the only thing so far that I can never save enough money to pay in full. So far this thing has been useful and faithfull. Love ya a lot. My new girl... the HP DV1102 AP. And it allows me to access the Net from any McDonald outlets.

One thing that bothers me and kind of tickles me when I wanted to buy my laptop on instalments is that, except for Harvey Norman, I'm only allowed to get it if I pay using credit cards. What's wrong wif that? Think about it... Pakai kad hutang nak bayar hutang.

Here's a peek.... lawa kan?? ;)

YEAAAHOOO........!!!!!!!!!

2005-04-19T16:41:00.000+08:00

YEeeee HHHhhhaaaaaaaah!!!

Casino akan diadakan di Negri kita! Dalam projek Resort Bersepadu!!

Marilah kita beramai-ramai bersepadu bersama kerajaan dan arus pemodenan!! Teruskanlah! Majukanlah Negri kita ini! Sokongilah dengan semangat bersepadu projek projek Negri!

Kita sudah ada dikalangan hidup kita:

Kelab malam.
Arak, tuak dan todi.
Kawasan lampu merah.
Legalized abortion centres.
Cross dresser.
Gays.
Lesbians.
Tattoo.
Mat dan Minah kurang ajar najis masyarakat.
Samseng remaja anak-anak mak bapak diorang.
Anak Sundal.
Dye rambut.
Coloured contact lenses.
Bulu kening terkurang.

Dan sekarang..... kita ada....

CASINO!!! Fee wiit!!! Come on people!! It's TIGER time!! I'll bring over the babes...

Merepek to the max.....

2005-04-11T09:46:00.000+08:00

Been a while since I last stayed at home on a weekend afternoon. Yesterday though, I was home. I intended to have a good 2nd lunch in the late afternoon around 4 plus. So I filled my plate with rice many many and mama curry chicken, sambal belacan and a 1.5 litre bottle of air paip sejuk dari esbok, gleefully bringing them out to the living room to face the TV. Yummy.......

Tetapi, alangkah kecewanya rasa di dada, tatkala terlihat muka muka hindustan menghiasi kaca TV anda. “Apa ni Ma tengok Hindustan?” “Dah takde cerita lain... time ni apa cerita ada....?” And mummy helped me to flick through the channels. She’s right.. there’s nothing.. And so the Hindi movie flashed back on screen.

Azabnya Tuhan aje lah yang tau. I dunno what’s the title for the movie, who’s the actor, actress, villain, producer, director... I don give a shit.Siksa lah aku walau macam mana pun. Throw me in a dungeon with rats and lizards to eat for 7 days 7 nights... Aku rela beb! Tapi, jangan lah siksa aku tengok cerita hindustan. Lebih lebih lagi dengan nasik kari aku. Aku malu..... aku malu dengan kari aku. Aku tau kari tu rasa bersalah pasal mamak yang cipta dia, datang dari Negeri Kuih Kaswi dan aku harus menonton cerita yang dibuat disana. Oh my God!!

Aku benci cerita hindustan. They make me puke. Semua cerita Hindustan.... and I mean SEMUA cerita hindustan dewasa ini aku tengok macam lawak Senario tak kelakar dan tak di intended untuk jadi kelakar. Apa siak?? Dua orang face to face tembak tembak tak sorang pun kena?? Apa siak bunyi tembak tu macam peh kuat takde civilian react call polis ke, lari lari dalam kekecohan ke?? Apa diorang assume bunyi tembak tu orang ENV tembak gagak ke? Apa siak kena tumbuk boleh melayang 5 meter jauhnya...? Apa siak Dah kena bedal tak mati?? Merepek kan????!! Merepek to the Max!. Sebodoh bodoh Senario, Spongebob, Kung Pow, Vin Diesel, Aaron Aziz.... niat diorang nak buat kelakar sak... Se lame mana pun. Tetap tu kira nak buat kelakar dalam keseriusan. Tapi mamak dengan achi hindustan ni diorang serious tak buat kelakar. Ah gasaklah.... yang aku tahu, diorang spoilt my curry.

And about TV... why would I rather buy VCDs than watch Suria? Kalau beli VCD, dapat tengok berkali-kali. Kalau tengok Suria pun rancangan dia main repeat jugak. Apa bezanya? VCD aku ada choice nak tengok apa and takde advertisement.

VCD aku dapat tengok cerita Melayu. Kat Channel Melayu Singapore Suria, aku cuma dapat tengok cerita Indonesia dengan cerita Hindustan. Aku nak tengok cerita Melayu...

Good morning..... What so good about the morning?? Knock it down!

2005-04-05T10:00:00.000+08:00

Surely you've heard these before:

Di cubit peha kiri, peha kanan kan terasa juga sakitnya.
Irama dan lagu tak dapat dipisahkan. Andai dipisah, pincang lah lagu dan rosaklah seni.
Perginya kau dari hidupku, kau bawa bersama separuh jiwaku.
Yin and Yang.
My other half.

And so many many many others la... All these anecdotes portrays that you need to be a pair, a balance pair to be complete. May it be represented or metaphorically structured by things around you or religious faith, it still mean the same thing. Life is a pair, two nicely crafted halves to combine to a balance pair, to produce a whole. Ye ke.....?

Yes I agree.. If you're lonely, it could be damn downright, fucking, shitily miserableee. But I also agree, at times you can't help it. SO are you gonna mellow yourself in self pity? Are you gonna sit there.... oh where is my other half.... oh wher oh where are you? Fuck it man.. You can do nothing... nothing.... nothing... So shut the fuck up and stuff the hole in your face and do something worthwhile for that point in time.. The other half WON"T, WILL NEVER come no matter what you do nor how hard you try. WILL NEVER.. come. Till of course the fated time. And do you know when is it? No... no.... no.... cos if I do, I could have always take my time and send snail mails to Tsunami affected areas and tell them, "please abandon your homes, a tsunami is coming. thank you for your co-operation"

But ironically as it seems, I would really need another half right about now. A pair to make a whole. I really need you... where are you? I need someone to massage my back. Cos my pair of hands couldn't reach them... ouch ouch ouch....

Spanglish

2005-04-04T00:44:00.000+08:00

I went to watch Spanglish just now. To be honest homos... the movie really turns me off. Turns me off to the max!! I was freezing in the aircon, tahan nak terkencing, and counting down the minutes on when this movie's gonna end.

No... not that it ain't a good movie. Truthfully, it was beautiful. If the producers had what I have currently in mind bout what he wants to portray, then I think he had done a marvellous job.

The audience were laughing at every crack they could lay their hands on but I just sat there... cupping my face in my hands every now and then.

You see homos... it was such a real movie. Very very REAL. As real as Black Hawk Down. It portrays the life of an American family. The movie is full of crap, problems, tantrums... most of all... misunderstandings. This is the real part. It is so real that I felt guilty most of the time watching. And to make matters worse, you're watching as an audience, as a neutral to the problems, you realised how measly the problems are. How petty... how minute it is compared to the results that got blown out of proportion. All of which could have been settled with just a simple thought and care for the other living homo sapiens. As simple, I'm telling you... as saying.. "Thank You".... or... "You're most welcome" and of course, "Sorry". It hurts me so much to know, this happens every single day. Not just to an American family, but to any breathing homo next to you.

The other thing that rings my brain cells, is the comparison of Mexican Hispanic ethics, played by the maid "Flor" (Paz Vega), and the Americans of the United States represented by "Deborah" (Tea Leoni) and.... damn I forgot his name. The husband played by Adam Sandler.

Here, like any other cross cultural Hollywood movie is the protrayal of non-American culture and ethics being so perfect. Their idea of child upbringing, basic courtesy and ethics all lacking in the American family shows that Non Americans are more cultured. Interestingly was the fact that these cultures were based on basic courtesy and religious faith. The maid wouldn't even be with the American husband, just the two of them in even not so close proximity, cos it would be a sin. And she being a Catholic. This kind of cultural comparisons has happened numerous times in Hollywood movies with Chinese, British, Japanese, Australian, Indian cultures coming into the picture.

The producer, if he is, trying to portray the downside of his own culture and promoting basic courtesy into his countrymen, I would say has done a tremendous job. The question is, why are our people trying to emulate the American living culture?

Macam Raya

2005-04-03T01:28:00.000+08:00

That's what i feel.

Macam Raya....

I think this is much better actually. Kalau raya, kena kasi duit raya..

Apa aku berbual ni? Ok ok... Tadi aku pergi tengok mentah II. Double Bill show by Teater Ekamatra at substation. The review of this will be out soon on Singgah Dot Kom. Pergi la baca... Jadi orang jangan malas boleh tak?

So apa kena mengena dengan Raya? Ok la...maybe aku over sikit. Aku cakap macam tu, pasal, kalau aku tak pergi tengok show cam ni, susah lah aku nak jumpa member2 yang tak menghilang cuma susah nak nampak aje dewasa ini. Maklum, semua ada hal masing2. Tapi bila aku pergi tengok show, ramai member aku jumpa. Best betul la pada aku. Lepas ni, ntah bila lagi la dapat jumpa muka hidung sesatu.

Surprise surprise, aku jumpa Suhaimi kat sana tadi. Kesian dia... selalu bz aje. Aku really tak xpect dia kat situ. Hey brudder.... gua really miss kau beb. Tak percaya takpe. Pada aku kalau bohong dosa...

A number of people also yang aku betul2 dah lama tak jumpa ada kat sana tadi. Fendi kurniawan yang tak putus2 contact aku tapi tak pernah nampak. Izzat yang masih pegang gitar aku. Chip Paat yang asyik tukar number hp, kalau tak tukar pun sim card hilang. Apit yang juggling time for his social life due to being a stay in personnel. Siddiq yang tau tau aje boleh jadi bouncer depan pintu. Dan banyak lagi la... Bila lagi kalau tak raya baru bole jumpa semua kan? Hahahhaha.... thanks a lot people for making my life worth breathing.

BTW, Princess Rozi, u looked beautiful today. And the hair was just fine...